My wife suggested we should go see a movie.

She wanted me to get dressed, drive 10 miles to the local theater, purchase tickets along with soda and popcorn, and sit among the coughing crowd.

I informed her that it’s going to cost us $50 plus a virus infection.

I also reminded her that we get in excess of 400 channels on our TV where countless movies play 24 hours a day.

There’s no driving, no contagious crowds, I can remain in my shorts, and we’d be able to enjoy that delicious $4.99 rotisserie chicken I purchased at Costco.

She reminded me that the chicken tends to cost over $200 as I always buy additional items we never needed.

She may be right; however, there’s no longer a need to visit Costco as my neighbor has agreed to get me one of those succulent birds each time she shops there.

She’s been doing that for us for over a year now. I estimate she’s already delivered some two dozen chickens, each providing delightful dinners while saving us a fortune in unnecessary purchases.

Not to mention, remaining at home allows me to avoid the coughing crowd while I fast-forward through TV commercials, pause programs for bathroom breaks, and enjoy a lovely dinner at home.

At a table.

With silverware.

That wonderful rotisserie chicken is good for two meals plus sandwiches, often enjoyed as we’re watching the big screen.

It’s a far cry from the tiny TV I’d watch as a youngster at my friend Bobby’s house.

Back then, he was part of a rare family that actually owned a television.

It was a black-and-white TV, with a small screen, and a total of four channels that all went dark overnight.

About a dozen kids would crowd together watching “Lassie.”

Or “Dennis the Menace,” “Hopalong Cassidy,” “Milton Berle,” Wagon Train,” “I Love Lucy” or “Superman.”

But now we have a TV of our own.

Mounted on the wall.

On a 75-inch screen.

With over 400 channels.

In living color.

As we sit on the couch.

With the remote.

And a rotisserie chicken.

We also record programs that might be airing on another channel.

Or while we’re sleeping.

Yet she wants to go to the movies.

Often, I’m forced to watch the smaller TV in the den while my wife is enjoying soaps on the big screen.

But it still beats spending $50 at the local theater for a movie with popcorn and soda, along with the masked masses.

And while she’s busy flipping from one program to another, I’d be enjoying football.

Maybe basketball or soccer.

Perhaps the news.

At dinnertime, we pick a movie to enjoy together.

We’d be watching the big screen as she brings me up to date about the latest tryst on “Days of Our Lives,” while I keep her informed about the rain, riots and robberies.

Fortunately, I was able to convince her to remain home, trading a movie and maladies for chicken and channels.

Finally, a sensible, superior and successful solution.

Erdos is a freelance humor columnist. Contact him at irverdos@aol.com.