Try to avoid it all you like, but drama at the Thanksgiving table is an inevitability. So this year, just go ahead and embrace it. But rather than raise your voice at the cousin who launches into a MAHA tirade when you ask her to pass the mashed potatoes, come to the table prepared with conversation starters that focus on local drama rather than national chaos.
Here are seven recommendations, taken from The Standard’s own reporting, for topics that keep the conversation lively — and Trump-free! — until the tryptophan kicks in and everyone nods off in a dark-meat-induced food coma.
Good luck getting through it, and happy Thanksgiving!
Oops: They bought a Dirt Alley
See if your fellow guests heard the one about the Sunset couple who thought they’d pulled off a coup by purchasing a $1 million lot at auction for only $25,000. Turned out, they’d neglected to read the fine print and wound up with an unbuildable dirt driveway. Now their only recourse is petitioning the Board of Supervisors to overturn the sale.
Be prepared: Nothing riles ’em up like real estate schadenfreude — especially in a city with more than a few inaccessible parcels — but that can easily boomerang. After all, SF has plenty of homeowners who sue PG&E over a telephone pole.
Local food influencers have caused more than a few social media shitstorms this year. No longer content to accept free meals in exchange for fulsome praise, some went on the warpath, attacking chefs and closing at least one restaurant, seemingly without regard for the workers who became collateral damage. When we wrote that food influencers had to be stopped, the emails poured in. So many strong feelings (on both sides).
Be prepared: Your niece or nephew might be an aspiring content creator. Keep an eye out for Gen Zers who move the centerpiece to make way for a tripod-mounted light ring.
Shock out-of-towners with an NSFW love story
SF’s kink scene is notorious. Solicit your dinner companions’ thoughts on the wholesome family that resulted from an infamous gang bang. Read our full interview with the fluffer who became a mother after meeting her fiance at an orgy she threw for her then-boyfriend’s other girlfriend.
Be prepared: Some people might not know that gang bangs can be consensual, so take this opportunity to educate. There’s even a handy flowchart to help with visuals.
A little light antichrist talk with Peter Thiel
When billionaire venture capitalist Peter Thiel delivered a series of lectures at the Commonwealth Club that laid out American politics as a form of spiritual warfare, we took readers behind the scenes of the closed-door lectures by interviewing the audience. Their reviews were mixed. Some wanted seed capital for their sperm-racing startups; others were bored. Pose this question to the group: Could climate activist Greta Thunberg really be the devil’s lieutenant, as Thiel reportedly contends?
Be prepared: If you’re looking to keep things Trump-free, this could get dicey because of Thiel’s long relationship with Vice President JD Vance. Not today, Satan!
The one about dining out(rage)
Bring the table together over a topic everyone can agree on: Restaurant prices are too damn high! Then ask if they’ve heard how the prices are upsetting even chefs themselves. Debate: Is a $75 bowl of cioppino or $25 glass of wine an accurate reflection of the cost of ingredients, labor, and other factors, or just a complete rip-off?
Be prepared: People love to share dining horror stories, and those horror stories are often full of hearsay and one-upmanship. Just steer clear of Yelping the potluck in front of you.
The unfortunate tale of the Waymo vs. KitKat
Sure, out-of-town visitors might be excited to try a robot car, but be sure to dampen their enthusiasm with the tale of the beloved Mission feline named KitKat who got run over by a Waymo last month. Who’s responsible when driver-less vehicles do ghoulish things? Does Waymo’s safety record — better than the abysmal one of human drivers — make this whole story moot?
Be prepared: One SF supervisor worked to make political hay about KitKat’s death. Mawkish sentiment, or valid observation about our clanker-filled city? You decide.
It’s not really Thanksgiving without a spirited back-and-forth over the aesthetic merits of a 45-foot Burner constructed from stainless steel mesh. Beautiful public art or pseudo-feminist “plop”? Either way, Marco Cochrane’s “R-Evolution” will be looming over the foot of Market Street until at least March.
Be prepared: Giant statues are so hot right now. A crypto mogul even wants to build a 450-foot Prometheus (opens in new tab) on Alcatraz. And that former prison islet was in the headlines a lot this year because — never mind, just put out some pie.