Sacramento County chaplain shares how to talk about violent incidents with children
INVESTIGATION. GUYS. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. NOW THAT MASS SHOOTING AT A KID’S BIRTHDAY PARTY, THE STABBING OF AN 11 YEAR OLD BOY IN ELK GROVE YESTERDAY, THESE ARE JUST REALLY TOUGH TOPICS FOR ALL OF US TO TALK ABOUT, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN. THAT’S WHY WE BROUGHT IN A CHAPLAIN. THIS IS DEBORAH FONTES, THE SACRAMENTO COUNTY SENIOR CHAPLAIN. DEBORAH, THANKS FOR FOR JOINING US TO TALK ABOUT THIS. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO APPROACH TALKING ABOUT THIS, NOT JUST AMONGST ADULTS, BUT ALSO WITH YOUR CHILDREN AND PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY? I THINK GIVEN THE NATURE OF THE EVENTS THAT HAVE HAPPENED NOT ONLY IN STOCKTON, BUT HERE IN OUR OWN COMMUNITY, IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT THAT WE HAVE OPEN AND HONEST CONVERSATIONS WITH OUR CHILDREN. AGE APPROPRIATE, OF COURSE, AND LISTEN TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. WHAT IS THEIR BIGGEST CONCERN? WHAT IS THEIR FEAR, AND JUST LISTENING TO THEM, NEVER ASSUMING THAT THEY’RE FINE OR IT’S NOT IMPACTING THEM. BUT I THINK IT JUST GIVES AN OPPORTUNITY FOR FAMILIES TO REALLY COME TOGETHER AND HAVE OPEN COMMUNICATION. YEAH, SOMETIMES KIDS DO SAY, OH, I’M FINE, I’M FINE, I DON’T CARE, I’M FINE. WHAT IF YOUR KID’S SAYING THAT? BUT YOU KIND OF GET THE FEELING THAT THEY’RE NOT FINE? WELL, I WANT TO ASSURE PARENTS THAT YOU KNOW YOUR CHILDREN SO YOU KNOW WHEN THEY’RE NOT FINE. AND JUST ASKING THEM. SO WHAT DO YOU. WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? AND GETTING THAT CONVERSATION STARTED. AND I THINK THEY WOULD BE SURPRISED TO FIND THAT THEIR CHILDREN ARE MORE ASTUTE THAN THEY REALIZE. RIGHT. AND I THINK JUST I MEAN, THE CHILDREN, EVEN IF WE JUST TALK ABOUT THE ELK GROVE SITUATION, THERE’S A WHOLE SCHOOL OF KIDS WHO ARE, YOU KNOW, PROBABLY KNOW THESE TWO SIBLINGS, YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHO WAS KILLED, THE ONE WHO, YOU KNOW, WITNESSED THE THE BROTHER IN PAIN, NOT JUST THAT’S NOT JUST GOING TO AFFECT THE CHILDREN, BUT ALSO THE TEACHERS, THE STAFF, BUT ALSO THE PARENTS AND FAMILY AND CREATE, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE BIT OF TRAUMA AND ANXIETY THERE. YES. SO I THINK IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT, AGAIN, AS A COMMUNITY TO UTILIZE RESOURCES THAT ARE IN YOUR COMMUNITY, SUCH AS CHAPLAINCY, SUCH AS EAP. IF YOU HAVE THAT AVAILABLE TO YOU AND OTHER COMMUNITY RESOURCES THAT ARE AVAILABLE TO THE FAMILIES, THAT THEY CAN GET THAT SUPPORT FOR THEIR CHILDREN AND THEMSELVES, WHAT ARE WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE SOME OF THE COMMON REACTIONS THAT KIDS AND ADULTS HAVE TO THIS TYPE OF SITUATION? WELL, CHILDREN INTERNALIZE EVERYTHING, EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS. SO WHEN THINGS ARE NOT WELL, WHETHER IT’S AT SCHOOL OR AT HOME, THEY TEND TO TAKE IT UPON THEMSELVES THAT THEY SOMEHOW CAUSED US. AND ADULTS TRY TO PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN AND THINKING THAT IF WE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT, THEY’RE GOING TO BE FINE. AND I THINK AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHAT’S REALLY IMPORTANT IS MAKING SURE THAT, AGAIN, WE’RE HAVING THOSE HONEST CONVERSATIONS AND ACKNOWLEDGING WHAT IS THE FEAR OR CONCERN FOR OUR CHILDREN AS WELL AS ADULTS, AND HOW SHOULD WE CHECK BACK AFTER THAT INITIAL CONVERSATION? I THINK CHECKING IN WITH ONE ANOTHER AGAIN, YOUR COMMUNITY, YOUR SUPPORT, WHETHER YOU HAVE A FAITH COMMUNITY, WHETHER YOU ARE A PART OF JUST HAVING DIFFERENT COMMUNITY MEMBERS THAT YOU’RE INVOLVED IN, DIFFERENT COMMUNITY GROUPS THAT YOU’RE ABLE TO COME TOGETHER AND JUST AGAIN, NORMALIZE WHAT YOU’RE FEELING. AND I THINK THAT’S THE IMPORTANT THING, IS THAT IT’S OKAY TO SAY THAT WE’RE SHOCKED, THAT WE’RE NUMB, THAT WE’RE SCARED. THOSE ARE VERY NORMAL FEELINGS TO HAVE. AND I THINK WE IF WE CAN EMBRACE IT AND THEN KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT AND FINDING WAYS TO TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES AND TAKING CARE OF ONE ANOTHER, WE’RE GOING TO BE BETTER OFF IN THE LONG RUN. WHAT’S A GOOD WAY TO TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES AND TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER? I THINK ONE OF THE WAYS IS JUST LISTENING TO ONE ANOTHER. THAT’S 99% OF SELF-CARE IS JUST BEING AVAILABLE TO LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER, NORMALIZING WHAT WE’RE THINKING AND FEELING, BUT ALSO DOING SOMETHING WITH THAT. SO WHAT ARE OUR COPING SKILLS THAT WE CAN INCORPORATE INTO OUR DAILY LIVES, WHETHER THAT’S WALKING, YOU KNOW, IF YOU’RE A PERSON OF FAITH, PRAYING, MEDITATION. SO THERE’S JUST DIFFERENT COMPONENTS THAT YOU CAN INCORPORATE INTO YOUR FAMILY LIFE AS WELL. MAYBE TAKING COMMUNITY WALKS AS A FAMILY, INCORPORATING THOSE HEALTHY MECHANISMS OF EATING AND SLEEPING, AND AGAIN, FINDING THAT SUPPORT THAT WORKS FOR YOU, OR MAYBE A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS, A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS. ABSOLUTELY. THANK YO
Sacramento County chaplain shares how to talk about violent incidents with children
Updated: 5:26 PM PST Dec 3, 2025
Hearts are heavy in Northern California after a number of violent events within the past week, from Stockton to Elk Grove. One thing parents may also be grappling with is how to talk about violence or traumatic events with their children. Sacramento County Sheriff’s Office Senior Chaplain Debra Fontes joined KCRA 3 on Wednesday, sharing advice on how to approach difficult discussions. “Given the nature of the events that have happened, not only in Stockton, but here in our own community, it’s really important that we have open and honest conversations with our children,” Fontes said. “Listen to what they have to say. What is their biggest concern? What is their fear?”Fontes said listening and open communication are key, and it’s important not to assume everything is fine. She also said it’s important to trust your instincts as a parent. “You know your children, so you know when they are not fine,” Fontes said. Watch the full interview in the video player above. See more coverage of top California stories here | Download our app | Subscribe to our morning newsletter | Find us on YouTube here and subscribe to our channel
Hearts are heavy in Northern California after a number of violent events within the past week, from Stockton to Elk Grove.
One thing parents may also be grappling with is how to talk about violence or traumatic events with their children.
Sacramento County Sheriff’s Office Senior Chaplain Debra Fontes joined KCRA 3 on Wednesday, sharing advice on how to approach difficult discussions.
“Given the nature of the events that have happened, not only in Stockton, but here in our own community, it’s really important that we have open and honest conversations with our children,” Fontes said. “Listen to what they have to say. What is their biggest concern? What is their fear?”
Fontes said listening and open communication are key, and it’s important not to assume everything is fine.
She also said it’s important to trust your instincts as a parent.
“You know your children, so you know when they are not fine,” Fontes said.
Watch the full interview in the video player above.
See more coverage of top California stories here | Download our app | Subscribe to our morning newsletter | Find us on YouTube here and subscribe to our channel