“We are going to die,” I blurted out when told we would not be taking an Uber.
Why are we trusting our lives to an AI-and-sensor- computer-driven-car that is essentially a video game come to life?
Travelling in an earthquake prone city with gigantic hills while watching a driverless steering wheel spin back and forth is bizarre. It’s like a scene from a bad horror movie.
Paranoia sets in.
What if the computer fails at the top of one of San Francisco’s oh-so-steep cable car hills? This could be worse than a Steve McQueen chase scene. (Waymo says there are backups.)
A Waymo heads down a hill as its sensors pick up a pedestrian.Stan Grossfeld/Glove Staff/Stan Grossfeld/Globe Staff
There’s a button to push for help. But, if you’re trapped in the backseat, what can it do? Offer last rites?
Great.
God take me now.
I have had plenty of excitement in this City by the Bay. During the 1989 World Series, I photographed a guy clutching his kid as an earthquake rattled and shook Candlestick Park. They were scared and I offered advice. A week later, he telephoned the Globe and swore at me. He had banged in sick, and his boss saw his picture on the front page of the Sacramento Bee.
I also climbed up part of the span of the Oakland Bay Bridge for a story while clipped on to the cables for safety. Below me, the kind folks of the Bay Area rolled down their windows and offered unsolicited advice. “Jump (expletive),” they yelled.
But I digress. Since Waymo just announced it was coming to Boston for a test drive, we owed it to readers to give it a ride.
Exactly on time, the all-electric clean, white, Jaguar I-PACE SUV pulls up with my Sam’s initials on the top. He unlocks the car with his phone app.
“The Waymo driver is in control at all times,” it says on the steering wheel.
Sitting in the driver’s seat is verboten.
A self-driving Waymo heading up a hill waits as a truck makes a right turn, even though there is space straight ahead. Stan Grossfeld/Glove Staff/Stan Grossfeld
The car has a gigantic wedding cake tower of technology and whirring gizmos all around it. They include 29 cameras, five lidars (which are used for lighting, mapping and sensing) and six radar trackers.
So. . . . we breathe deep, buckle up, and give it a go. They’ve already given 20 million rides with a 93% satisfaction rating, according to their website. They claim a 90% reduction in serious injury crashes compared to Homo sapien drivers.
The backseat is comfy. There is no driver to hog the legroom and -note to single women- you’ll never get hit on by an empty seat.
Once the seat belts are locked in, the steering wheel starts turning. Off we go!
The ride is slow and smooth. There’s no tailgating and no zig zagging back and forth.
An initial serene feeling comes over us.
Why?
Maybe it’s the soft spa music playing.
There’s a backseat touch screen with choices of music and temperature controls. No Grateful Dead in San Francisco? Shameful!
Safety is paramount- but the driverless car is also incredibly slow.
“Oh my God, this is slower than Gramma,” says Sam. May she rest in peace.
At the very first red light, the Waymo signals a left-hand turn. When the light changes it just sits there. Sixteen seconds go by, or a lifetime, judging by the driver honking behind us who behaves like a native Masshole.
Sam forgets he’s now in mellow California.
“Let’s go buddy!” he yells. “It’s a (expletive) green light,”
Some locals complain that the Waymo vehicles cause gridlock and traffic tie-ups. Taxi and Uber drivers say they cost jobs.Stan Grossfeld/Glove Staff/Stan Grossfeld/Globe Staff
To whom is he talking?
In other situations, the Waymo is far too polite. There are opportunities to go but Waymo says no. Anyhow, by now we are having a ball facetiming friends and family.
In our short test run, this 1.16-mile journey with light traffic took 13 minutes and cost $15.06. Pricier than Uber but not by much considering there is no one to tip. Taxi and Uber drivers hate Waymo vehicles. They cause gridlock and they are taking jobs, they say.
But this is no fad. Waymo just announced a $16 billion worldwide expansion to over 20 cities. But, while they’ll be testing vehicles in Boston, Massachusetts does not yet have a law regulating self-driving vehicles, though two bills are pending on Beacon Hill.
Elsewhere, the Waymo invasion may not be smooth. San Francisco has shown some resistance since the vehicles arrived and started testing here in 2021.
A Waymo equipped with 360 degree technology including 29 cameras, five lidars (which are used for mapping and sensing) and six radar trackers climbs a hill in San Francisco.Stan Grossfeld/Glove Staff/Stan Grossfeld/Globe Staff
Three years ago, a Waymo was torched during Lunar New Year celebrations in Chinatown. A mob smashed its windows, and threw firecrackers inside, destroying the empty vehicle. A group called Safe Street Rebel, would also deliberately step in front of a Waymo, making it stop and then plant a traffic cone on the hood, rendering it inoperable.
In 2025, Kit Kat, a beloved bodega cat, was run over by a Waymo, which did not recognize him under the vehicle despite a woman crouching in front of the car just moments before. A driver might have saved her, they contend.
Boston will not welcome robotic drivers.
Waymo just might be the worst thing to come to the Hub from the Bay Area since the Red Sox signed an overweight Panda ( Pablo Sandoval) from the Giants in 2014.
Boston has perennially been chosen as having the worst and riskiest drivers in the USA. In the Hub, yellow means go and red often means go faster.
I can envision a Waymo clogging a rotary politely waiting for a moment that just won’t come. While Waymo can recognize some hand signals, other forms of communication, like flashing headlights, a nod, a smile, or even a middle finger salute, might be over its computer brain.
On the other hand, truth be told by these humans, the ride was too much fun.
Part of the fun of taking a Waymo is FaceTiming relatives to show them the driverless vehicles in motion on the streets of San Francisco.Stan Grossfeld/Glove Staff/Stan Grossfeld
Stan Grossfeld can be reached at stanley.grossfeld@globe.com.