DEAR RICHARD: In a recent edition of the Union-Tribune, I read the following sentence: “Santee leaders passed an ordinance banning children under age 12 from riding e-bikes inDecember.” Why only in December? – James Huizenga, Clairemont

James Huizenga offers a spot-on example of what happens when one’s modifiers go south — or north or anywhere too far away from the words they are supposed to modify: The AP Press Guide to News Writing advises: “The language has many ways to trip you up, most deviously through a modifier that turns up in the wrong place. Don’t let related ideas in asentence drift apart. Modifiers should be close to the word they purport to modify.”

Pioneer television broadcaster and interviewer Barbara Walters experienced a long and distinguished career. Fix your eyes on reports about three of her interviews:

 Yoko Ono talks about her husband John Lennon, who was killed in an interview with Barbara Walters.

 Former hostage Terry Waite talks about his five years of captivity in Beirut with Barbara Walters.

 The diving and amateur sports community remained in shock today following revelations that Olympic diver Greg Louganis, who speaks freely of his contractingAIDS in a 20/20 interview with Barbara Walters.

In all three stories, the phrase “with Barbara Walters” doesn’t appear to modify what it was supposed to. What was there about Barbara Walters, we ask, that compelled people to dangle their participles in public?

In the original film version of Mary Poppins, Bert the Chimney Sweep tells Uncle Albert, “I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.”

And what’s the name of the other leg?” Albert asks with a laugh, and “a wooden leg named Smith” becomes a running joke throughout the film.

That’s the problem with dangling participles and misplaced modifiers. They leave us firmly planted on midair. They spin the brain into images of a surreal world:

I’ve got bells that jingle jangle jingle and phrases that dangle dingle dangle: We saw many bears driving through Yellowstone Park.

 After years of being lost under a pile of dust, Chester D. Thatcher found all the old records of the Bangor Lions Club at the Bangor house.

 No one was injured in the blast, which was attributed by a build-up of gas by a town official.

 With his tail held high, my father led his prize bull around the arena.

 I wish to express my thanks to the U.S. Postal Service for the great, kind service they give and for patience they have with little old ladies in mailing packages.

 Plunging 1,000 feet into the gorge, we saw Yosemite Falls.

 Jewel has certainly made her mark by being perhaps the first folksinger to take the stage with a guitar in four-inch heels and a miniskirt.

 One couldn’t help but be aware of the stallion Royal Rich sitting in the stands the last couple nights.

 As a baboon who grew up wild in the jungle, I realized that Wiki had special nutritional needs.

 He ran outside and chased after the cat with a broomstick in his underwear.

 LOST. A walking stick by an elderly man with a curiously carved ivory head.

 The bride was given in marriage by her father, wearing her mother’s wedding dress.

What do the following wayward modifiers have in common?: Grodskins was arrested for illegal consumption of alcohol by the Sheriff’s Department.

 The marriage was annulled in December on the grounds of adultery in the Philadelphia County Court.

 Bernard Constantino pleaded guilty to charges of distributing marijuana Wednesday in front of Judge Johnson.

 The juror was never asked if she had been molested by either defense or prosecution attorneys.

 The cause of the blaze has been determined to be arson by Sheriff Detective Ronald Walker.

Do these reports offer evidence that the police and courts are corrupt? No way! Instead, each statement is afflicted by a delinquent modifier.

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On Saturday, March 14, 2 p.m., and Sunday, March 15, 2 p.m., I’ll be performing “Jest for the Pun of It” at the Trinity Theatre, 1640 Camino del Rio N, Suite 129, in Mission Valley. Tickets cost $25. Every seat is a good seat. For information, call 619-500-4985 or visit trinityttc.org. Voted International Punster of the Year, I’d love to meet you there.

Please send your questions and comments about language to richardhlederer@gmail.com website: verbivore.com.