This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.
LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — Los Alamitos teens Summer Sutter and Pearl Ronan experienced not just a language barrier, but a difference in culture when speaking to out-of-towners, a challenge they had never encountered before.
Born and raised in Orange County, where vocal fry is the norm, they’ve grown up absenting their t’s, relying on “no yeah” and “yeah no” and calculating distance by travel time rather than miles. But to the Brettling family, these concepts are completely foreign.
“They told us ‘San Clemene’ was a two-hour drive with traffic. We asked them for a local dinner spot — at 6 p.m.!” said Mary Brettling, mother of the Brettling family.
Southern California culture says that commitment times are a loose suggestion, abbreviations are common and Mexican is always a good option. Brettling said that, instead of taking Sutter and Ronan’s recommendation, the family decided they would head up to Corona del Mar.
“If it weren’t for us, they would have ended up in Corona — as in, the Inland Empire,” said Sutter, shocked at the miscommunication.
In a state the size of some countries, the family assumed that the two cities were the same. Sutter and Ronan were also sure to let them know that jeans and flip-flops would suffice after the family told them of their lost luggage. No need to worry about their lack of jackets — those are only useful from December to mid February.
The high schoolers were so thankful that they stopped to talk to the family, saving their evening and their trip. They were sure to encourage them not to continue their road trip up north.
“I can’t imagine going any further north than Orange County. At that point, might as well not even come to California,” said Ronan.
Why the family might want to see the redwood forests or the gulf stream waters was beyond the teens.