{"id":132369,"date":"2026-01-14T00:11:16","date_gmt":"2026-01-14T00:11:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/132369\/"},"modified":"2026-01-14T00:11:16","modified_gmt":"2026-01-14T00:11:16","slug":"grappling-with-alzheimers-this-couple-got-married-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/132369\/","title":{"rendered":"Grappling with Alzheimer’s, this couple got married \u2014 again"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"\/Linda Feldman helps her husband, Michael O\u2019Reilley, walk down the aisle on Saturday, Jan. 10, during a renewal of vows ceremony at The Ivy, a Berkeley assisted living and memory care residence. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

Four decades ago, her answer was always a no. Oh, it came with a smile, or tender touch of his arm, but it was still invariably a no.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Micheal O\u2019Reilley asked Linda Feldman to marry him many times back in those days when they were both Alameda County public defenders, living together in the Berkeley Hills, with their three kids from previous marriages, a blended family.<\/p>\n

He hollered it down canyons in Hawaii. He said he\u2019d hang it from an airplane banner over a Cal football game.<\/p>\n

She simply wasn\u2019t ready to remarry, she said. Her mother was ill, among other life complications.<\/p>\n

But in 1987, Feldman finally said yes. She was largely spurred, she said, by wanting clarity for the children, O\u2019Reilley\u2019s two daughters and her son. Someone had come to the door asking to borrow jumper cables, and when Feldman said she\u2019d have to ask her husband, daughter Melissa, then about 6, issued a correction: \u201cYou\u2019re not married.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

They wed in a small ceremony in their living room.<\/p>\n

\"\"\/Photos of Feldman and O\u2019Reilley\u2019s life and travels together displayed at the ceremony. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

Then, late last year, Feldman said yes again.\u00a0<\/p>\n

This time, in the memory care unit of a Berkeley assisted living facility, as O\u2019Reilley, 77, who has Alzheimer\u2019s disease, wrapped his arms around Feldman, 78, asking her to be his wife, almost certainly not remembering she already was.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I said yes,\u201d she said. In a second.<\/p>\n

And last Saturday, in a sun-lit community room of The Ivy, an assisted living and memory care residence on Dwight Way, O\u2019Reilley and Feldman had something like a wedding, or vow renewal ceremony \u2014 a version that was unique to the moment and to them. They were joined by a couple dozen friends and family; the room elegantly decked out in white and gold, fresh flowers, balloons, candles.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"\/The Ivy ordered a custom cake topper designed to resemble Feldman and Michael O\u2019Reilley in their original wedding outfits. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

To Aaron Cohen, Ivy\u2019s memory care director, it was simple:\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re celebrating love,\u201d Cohen said. \u201cRegardless of why you\u2019re here, cognitive impairment or not. It\u2019s about love.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

And this was abundantly clear.<\/p>\n

As with many people with Alzheimer\u2019s, O\u2019Reilley\u2019s attention and awareness change moment by moment, and are unpredictable, Feldman said. One minute, he\u2019s repeating a specific word, hooked on its sound or meaning or place in his past. The next minute, it\u2019s a different word or phrase.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can be with him \u2026 and go to the bathroom, and come out and it\u2019s an entirely different visit,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"Feldman meets with O\u2019Reilley the day before the ceremony. Credit: Kate Darby Rauch for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

A typically calm, relaxed man, with an ever-ready smile \u2014 even as his condition advances, not always the case with Alzheimer\u2019s \u2014 O\u2019Reilley\u2019s focus shifts with some internal wavelength, with a sudden laugh, turn of his gaze, non sequitur.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"Feldman the day of the ceremony. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

But when he sees Feldman, he immediately lights up, according to her and Ivy staff \u2014 at least most of the time. On the day before their ceremony, for example, she approached as O\u2019Reilley sat with others in memory care, doing a musical activity. He looked up, smiled instantly, locking eyes with his wife. When she got close, he reached up for a hug, a kiss on the lips.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you Linda,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cI love you, too, Michael,\u201d she answered softly. \u201cVery much.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re so beautiful,\u201d he said quietly, framing her face with his hands.<\/p>\n

She reminded him they were going to have a wedding the next day. \u201cOh no,\u201d he said, laughing a little. \u201cThat\u2019s not going to happen.\u201d They hugged for a long time. She explained the plan.\u00a0<\/p>\n

With pleasant curiosity, he took it all in<\/p>\n

No one was certain if O\u2019Reilley would want to go down to the first-floor community room Saturday. Or, if he did, how long he\u2019d want to stay.<\/p>\n

Whatever would be, would be, Feldman said beforehand. It was all OK.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI think he\u2019ll enjoy it in the moment, and that\u2019s what Alzheimer\u2019s is,\u201d she said.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"\/O\u2019Reilley holds hands with Murdock Storm, his principal caretaker at The Ivy, as they wait for the ceremony to start. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

And he did.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cHe had seemed pretty confused early Saturday morning so I worried how he would be for the ceremony, but he definitely rallied for the party,\u201d Feldman said the day after.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cIt made me happy to see how much he was enjoying himself.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

She too, she said, \u201cloved the wedding. It was fun and over the top in a good way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Indeed, on Saturday, O\u2019Reilley appeared pleasantly curious as he made his way slowly into the makeshift wedding chamber, escorted by one of his main caregivers, Murdock Storm. He looked around the room with amusement. At the front, a curtained altar. At the back, elegantly set tables for lunch. Rose petals down the center aisle between chairs.<\/p>\n

A harpsichordist played in the corner.<\/p>\n

\"\"\/<\/p>\n

\"\"\/Guests greet the couple as they walk down the aisle. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

Feldman helped O\u2019Reilley sit in the front, saying she was going to talk to him. \u201cOh, I\u2019d like that,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Addressing her husband and the room, she thanked caregivers and Ivy staff, talked of how she and O\u2019Reilley met in the public defender\u2019s office, how much they supported each other\u2019s careers, how different they were. She, a \u201cneurotic\u201d and \u201canxious\u201d \u201clittle Jewish girl.\u201d He, an Irish Catholic adventurer who\u2019d played football in high school, wanted to be a priest, was a police officer before deciding on law. (Before Alzheimer\u2019s, he was known as a gifted communicator, an orator who delivered brilliant court arguments.)\u00a0<\/p>\n

She talked at length about their children, their shared devotion to family and kid-raising, including to fun. Of their delight in travel, near and far. How they found their way through challenges. She expressed pride and delight in their kids as adults, each one unique.<\/p>\n

\"\"\/Feldman and O\u2019Reilly kiss. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

\"\"\/Feldman beams at O\u2019Reilly after the ceremony. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

\u201cWe both loved each other a lot, and we made it work with perseverance and a sense of humor,\u201d she said. \u201cWe both like to laugh.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, pretty much,\u201d O\u2019Reilly said, to a room of laughter.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve been a wonderful husband,\u201d Feldman said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u201d O\u2019Reilley said from his seat. \u201cReally,\u201d she said, sealing it with a kiss. An embrace.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Then they made their way to the start of the aisle and walked back down, with help from others. Harp melody gave way to a recorded \u201cSail Away\u201d by the Oak Ridge Boys. A \u201cflower man\u201d scattered red rose petals over white petals already on the path.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"David Feldman, cousin of the bride, served as \u201cflower man.\u201d Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

O\u2019Reilley took in the room with his twinkling smile and occasional commentary. \u201cOh, come on.\u201d \u201cOh, for God\u2019s sake.\u201d \u201cI love you,\u201d he said to Feldman. \u201cI love you, too. I love you very much,\u201d she answered.\u00a0<\/p>\n

One reason she wanted to have the event, Feldman said the week before, was to share with others that even people with dementia \u201cmay be really connected to their partner, to their children. There may be something in there that keeps people attached,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think that\u2019s really special and I think there\u2019s a lot of people who don\u2019t know that could happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

Research shows that some people with Alzheimer\u2019s with severe cognitive decline, seem to maintain feelings and empathy, including being calmed or reassured by touch. Though every case is different.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cAren\u2019t you going to say, \u2018I do,\u2019?\u201d, called out someone in the audience, as the couple milled at the altar.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI do,\u201d said Feldman. \u201cGood job,\u201d O\u2019Reilley replied.<\/p>\n

Appreciation in the heartbreak <\/p>\n

\"\"\/Sharon Frost, O\u2019Reilley\u2019s daughter, officiated the ceremony. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

Sharon Frost, O\u2019Reilley\u2019s youngest child and the ceremony\u2019s officiator, spoke to the group. She highlighted her dad and stepmom\u2019s relationship, their shared sense of exploration and family. Her dad, who loved \u201cliving on the edge,\u201d riding motorcycles and climbing mountains, opened the door to new experiences for Feldman, while her calm probably helped keep him alive, Frost said.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI firmly believe life is about experiences and not material things. These two are a couple of richest people I know,\u201d said Frost, who lives near Sacramento, with her husband and son, both also at the wedding. In fact, her husband walked O\u2019Reilley down the aisle.<\/p>\n

Frost talked of the work of marriage. \u201cHow can you grow if you don\u2019t have challenges to learn from?\u201d Frost asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow we handle the challenging times is what makes marriage stronger. In my opinion, my dad and Linda have the strongest love for each other because of the hard times.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"\/A teary-eyed Linda hugs her brother, Gary Feldman, after Michael is taken back to his room to rest after the ceremony. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

Earlier, in an interview, Frost talked of the profound difficulty of watching her father change, of the disease. O\u2019Reilley, who also worked as a deputy US attorney general, county prosecutor, and taught law, was diagnosed about seven years ago. His brother had Alzheimer\u2019s, as did his aunt.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy dad\u2019s diagnosis has been extremely challenging,\u201d Frost said, talking of her soul-searching and reflecting to cope. Her dad, she said, had always been her rock.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cToday my dad is not the same person, it\u2019s his body, his smile, his eyes, but it\u2019s not his mind. That\u2019s something I struggle with still.\u201d<\/p>\n

She knows, she said, that Alzheimer\u2019s is often harder on family members than the patient. And she appreciates this. \u201cLuckily my dad is not in any pain. He is content. He is happy,\u201d she said. \u201cNo one wants to see their hero in pain.\u201d<\/p>\n

Feldman, too, takes stock of the positive.<\/p>\n

She enjoyed the wedding planning, she said. \u201cThere hasn\u2019t been a lot of anticipation with joy. Most of dealing with Alzheimer\u2019s is anticipation with dread.\u201d<\/p>\n

And of her husband\u2019s enduring affection:\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a gift in a horrible situation.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"\/The couple embraces during the meal following the ceremony. Credit: Ximena Natera for Berkeleyside<\/p>\n

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