By Elizabeth Mu<\/p>\n
Contributing Columnist\u00a0<\/p>\n
Valentine\u2019s Day can be a wonderful opportunity to celebrate those special people in your life. And yet, for many, Feb. 14 can feel stressful or filled with worries about not having the type of love we want or that we think we\u2019re supposed to have.<\/p>\n
But what if we flipped the script this Valentine\u2019s Day and gave ourselves love and attention instead? Self-love builds resiliency in all types of relationships.<\/p>\n
Starved for love?<\/p>\n
Growing up, kids get all sorts of messages from fairytales that the ultimate happy ending of a story involves wedding bells. Unfortunately, we end up with this idea that we\u2019re not complete unless we have romantic love and we can be determined to get it, regardless of the quality of that love. It becomes so easy to betray ourselves in pursuit of others. When you learn to create love for yourself, you\u2019re never going to be starving for it.<\/p>\n
Consider this metaphor inspired by Don Miguel Ruiz\u2019s \u201cThe Four Agreements.\u201d If you were starving and suddenly someone showed up on your doorstep and handed you a moldy piece of pizza, you\u2019d almost certainly eat it. But if you knew how to make your own pizza with fresh ingredients you love, you could provide your own meal. When you learn to create your own love for yourself, you\u2019re not going to accept just any old love that comes your way.<\/p>\n
So how do we build self-love and a meaningful relationship with ourselves?<\/p>\n
Words matter<\/p>\n
Are you speaking to yourself the way you would to a good friend? Or do you tend to be hard on yourself, set unfair expectations or even call yourself names?<\/p>\n
When things go wrong, instead of thinking, \u201cI\u2019m a loser. I can\u2019t do anything right,\u201d try catching yourself and say instead, \u201cI\u2019m doing my best\u201d or \u201cThis is really hard for me right now.\u201d We can honor how we feel while balancing the negative thoughts with some words of acceptance.<\/p>\n
Make time to reflect on what\u2019s important to you, which may be different from what\u2019s important to your peers or family members. The more you can figure out what your values are, the stronger a sense of self and purpose you\u2019ll have.<\/p>\n
Take yourself on a date<\/p>\n
Just like any other important person in your life, you need to spend enjoyable time with yourself. Get comfortable with yourself and who you are when you\u2019re on your own. Remember, you are the longest relationship you\u2019ll ever have.<\/p>\n
And when you do spend time with other loved ones in your life, pay attention to how you feel afterward. Do you end up feeling expanded, lightened and fulfilled? Do you feel emptied? Make sure you\u2019re getting enough time with people who recharge your emotional battery.<\/p>\n
While self-love isn\u2019t something that happens overnight, intentional practices like these can help build that sense of self over time. So, this Valentine\u2019s Day, set some time aside to spend with a very special someone \u2026 you! Might I suggest enjoying a nice slice of pizza?<\/p>\n
Elizabeth Mu is a licensed marriage and family therapist and mental health therapist in the Intensive Outpatient Program at Rady Children\u2019s Health, formerly CHOC.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"By Elizabeth Mu Contributing Columnist\u00a0 Valentine\u2019s Day can be a wonderful opportunity to celebrate those special people in…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":174848,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[163,165,164,7,36652,1570,100,611],"class_list":["post-174847","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-anaheim","tag-anaheim","tag-anaheim-headlines","tag-anaheim-news","tag-california","tag-choc","tag-health","tag-news","tag-orange-county"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174847","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=174847"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174847\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/174848"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=174847"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=174847"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=174847"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}