![\"Jason](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/DSC05296-1024x682.jpg\")
Jason Jurado at Putah Creek in Winters. (Denis Akbari)<\/p>\nThe Abridged version:<\/p>\n
Man Up to Cancer\u2019s Northern California chapter is led by Sacramento\u2019s Brad Buchanan, who found his way to the organization after a near-death experience with the disease.<\/p>\n
Other men\u2019s support groups focus on trauma survivors, particularly veterans and first responders.<\/p>\n
They help men face their vulnerability, accept their mortality and develop the ability to bond on an emotional level.<\/p>\n
Brad Buchanan didn\u2019t plan to lead a support group. He didn\u2019t even want to be in one.<\/p>\n
He was an English professor at Sacramento State, married, raising two young daughters. There was some work-related stress, but he had a pretty good life.<\/p>\n
Until he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.<\/p>\n
That was 10 years ago. After treatment for two different forms of cancer, a stem cell transplant, a near-death experience with graft-versus-host disease, and 18 months of blindness, Buchanan has found a new calling: leading the Northern California chapter of Man Up to Cancer.<\/p>\n
The job doesn\u2019t come with a salary or an office. But it\u2019s Buchanan\u2019s mission, carried out with Zoom, a phone and occasional trips to sports events. The most important tool of the trade is a good ear.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe first thing I do when there\u2019s a new member in my chapter is I give them my phone number and say, if you need to talk, I am here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2018I am vulnerable, and I need help.\u2019<\/p>\n
Members of Man Up to Cancer are neither seeking nor offering advice, Buchanan explained, just letting go of emotions they might not express at home or at work.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a safe space for guys to complain about, like, lack of support from their families, or financial trouble, which is endemic in the cancer world these days. Guys just saying, \u2018I\u2019m really sad, my life is gone, my wife has left, like, I got nothing.\u2019 That\u2019s code for, \u2018I am vulnerable, and I need help.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Talking about cancer can be awkward. Talking about emotions can be downright difficult. The Man Up to Cancer website sums it up: \u201cWhen faced with cancer, women tend to \u2018reach out,\u2019 and men tend to \u2018check out.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been reading a lot about emotions, and how men process them,\u201d Buchanan said, \u201cand how Western culture has socialized men to mistrust every other emotion besides anger, that anger\u2019s really the only, quote, manly emotion.\u201d<\/p>\n
Male relationships \u2018side-by-side\u2019<\/p>\n
Jason Jurado, meanwhile, views emotions from a non-cancer perspective. He coaches people who have experienced trauma, including military veterans and first responders with PTSD. Jurado served with the Marines in the Persian Gulf for Desert Shield\/Desert Storm. Vulnerability, he says, is discouraged early in life.<\/p>\n
\u201cMen are taught that relationships are side-by-side, not face-to-face,\u201d he said. \u201cAnd that means we\u2019re on a team, we\u2019re together, we\u2019re doing this mission, we\u2019re facing the same direction. But when you go face-to-face, and it\u2019s that one-on-one, we get scared.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jason Jurado at Putah Creek in Winters. (Denis Akbari)<\/p>\n
Being afraid of hope<\/p>\n
Buchanan felt a mix of emotions in his first experience with a cancer support group.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was overwhelmed and simply burst into tears. So, my wife had to fill people in. When she finished, I didn\u2019t say much that was memorable or coherent, except \u2018It\u2019s the hope that kills you.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u201cI think a lot of men feel overcome, even silenced, by helplessness coupled with shame.\u201d<\/p>\n
During treatment, Buchannan said, he felt \u201cmore positive emotions such as acceptance, gratitude, and even hope. What I said at that first meeting was wrong: Hope doesn\u2019t kill you, but being afraid of feeling it certainly felt like a kind of death at the time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Masculinity at risk<\/p>\n
Side effects of cancer and treatment, including erectile dysfunction, colostomies and ileostomies are part of the discussion.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe treatments can really mess with your sexual health, plain and simple,\u201d Buchanan pointed out. \u201cSo, whenever I\u2019m onboarding a guy, I always talk about my experience with that. Because that is shorthand for, yes, cancer really does, or can, strike at the heart of how you conceive of your own masculinity.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut as soon as you just say the word masculinity, you realize there\u2019s a lot of ways of thinking about that. You realize, okay, just because I\u2019m not at peak performance level, let\u2019s say, in the bedroom, that doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ve lost all masculinity.\u201d<\/p>\n
Some of the definition of masculinity goes back to the mythopoetic men\u2019s movement of the 1970s and 80s, in which poet Robert Bly\u2019s character Iron John inspired men to move beyond aggressive behavior and toxic masculinity, and instead connect with their inner strength. While women of the era were feeling \u201cliberated,\u201d men focused on nature and ancient myths.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re reviving the mythopoetic men\u2019s movement,\u201d Buchanan said, \u201cbut we are actually addressing a serious problem \u2014 that a lot of men don\u2019t deal well with bad medical news because that challenges our sense of who we ought to be within Western culture. And cancer blows all that stuff out of the water.\u201d<\/p>\n
Making peace with mortality<\/p>\n
There is one hard truth in the discussion of cancer. Survival is not always the outcome. Buchanan, who came close to death, encourages that conversation.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, that\u2019s where I relate most to all this. I\u2019m very frank about it. I say, get your s\u2014 together, get your house in order, you know? Write letters to your children, which I certainly did.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaking peace with the fact of your mortality, because we\u2019re gonna die at some point anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
Groups create safe space for men<\/p>\n
Rob Scronce is a member of Man Up to Cancer. He understands hesitation to join a group.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m someone who struggles with informal friendship.\u00a0It\u2019s not always easy to find my way in or to feel welcome.\u00a0I\u2019m honestly not sure what we are doing with our time that we don\u2019t participate in these kinds of groups so much.\u201d<\/p>\n
But when men do participate, Buchanan said, the energy shifts.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, it\u2019s funny. When the group creates a safe space for men to express their friendship with each other, guys will hug each other and say, \u2018I love you, buddy,\u2019 all the time. We have an obligation to respond to each other\u2019s cancer talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
Illness reshapes identity<\/p>\n
Paul Apodaca, a member of Man Up to Cancer who also coaches other patients, said illness has changed his perspective of friendship.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt reshapes how you are,\u201d he said, \u201cboth with existing friendships and with new ones. You prune people out of your life that aren\u2019t creating the right space for you to battle this disease.\u201d<\/p>\n
Even as head of the regional chapter, with 30 members, Buchanan admits he is learning new ways to express himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not actually very good at this, because I\u2019m more reserved, being a Canadian. I\u2019m still trying to catch up to them.\u201d<\/p>\n
More than talking or listening, vulnerability contributes to the group dynamic.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve made ourselves a space where it\u2019s safe to be vulnerable,\u201d Buchanan said, \u201ceven if no one actually says, \u2018Oh, here, I\u2019m feeling vulnerable.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
There are times when the guys are quiet. Silence is more than not talking. It\u2019s the beginning of a deeper friendship.<\/p>\n
In Jurado\u2019s experience, group members who are vulnerable are the quiet ones.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe new people showed up to the group, they were talking, and they were chatting, and they were animated, and the ones that have been in the group for years show up, and it\u2019s hugs, handshakes. And just, \u2018What\u2019s up?\u2019 And just kind of calm. That\u2019s really how it shows up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Apodaca put it simply. \u201cWhen you\u2019re talking with someone who\u2019s got that shared experience, there\u2019s a lot that doesn\u2019t need to be said.\u201d<\/p>\n
He offered his unique definition of vulnerability.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you were to talk to my wife \u2014 we joke about it all the time \u2014 I now watch Hallmark movies. Like, I will go out of my way to watch them. And I\u2019ll get teary-eyed during them.\u201d<\/p>\n
Vulnerability is not binary. Man Up to Cancer is open to patients, survivors and care providers who are male or identify as male. Jason Jurado acknowledges that some career paths, such as law enforcement and the military, include women who hold back on vulnerability.<\/p>\n
Vulnerability is the turning point<\/p>\n
There is irony in this subject of vulnerability. Each of the men in this story talked about hesitation, but none of them hesitated in describing their fears and emotions.<\/p>\n
Buchanan and Jurado both find it useful to express themselves through writing, and they encourage others to do the same. Buchanan has published several collections of poetry and a novel, Spy\u2019s Mate (2025). He leads writing workshops for Man Up to Cancer and other organizations. In 2021, Buchanan\u2019s then-wife, Kate Washington, published Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America, based on their experience as a couple.<\/p>\n
Jurado is a poet. He is also currently working on a book about alternative medicine. He reminds his clients that vulnerability is the product of inner strength.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt just takes that one moment of strength \u2013 \u00a0\u2018Hey guys, I\u2019m having a tough time\u2019 \u2013 and starting there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Buchanan identifies vulnerability as a turning point.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why I like to tell people that Man Up to Cancer is actually redefining both masculinity and what it means to, quote, \u2018man up.\u2019 The original version of \u2018man up\u2019 is basically, shut up, don\u2019t complain, get on with it. Well, manning up to cancer looks completely different. It\u2019s actually the opposite of all of that messaging. So, that\u2019s where I see a lot of hope.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brad Buchanan invites inquiries about Man Up to Cancer \u2014 buchanan@csus.edu<\/p>\n
Donna Apidone is a regular contributor, writing Coming of Age for Abridged.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The Abridged version: Man Up to Cancer\u2019s Northern California chapter is led by Sacramento\u2019s Brad Buchanan, who found…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":191205,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[5592,121,123,122],"class_list":{"0":"post-191204","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-sacramento","8":"tag-feature","9":"tag-sacramento","10":"tag-sacramento-headlines","11":"tag-sacramento-news"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/191204","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=191204"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/191204\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/191205"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=191204"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=191204"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=191204"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}