<\/p>\n
Culture critic Peter Hartlaub stands with a billboard for the \u201cOne Direction: This is Us\u201d concert movie at the AMC Metreon in San Francisco. He reviewed the film in 2013.<\/p>\n
Courtesy Peter Hartlaub<\/p>\n
This story originally ran in 2013 on my old SFGate culture blog The Big Event under the headline \u201cReflections from the creepy old guy at your kid\u2019s One Direction concert.\u201d It has since been deleted from the site, then rescued by the Internet Archive Wayback Machine<\/a>.<\/p>\n The arrival of K-pop superstars BTS at Stanford Stadium this week on the Arirang World Tour<\/a> sparked memories. I moved off my cringey beat shortly after this post was published, but think about it every time a big tween-friendly group comes through town. \u2013Peter Hartlaub<\/p>\n Big mistake: I forgot my earplugs at the early screening of \u201cOne Direction: This is Us\u201d last week.<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n \u201cAlways bring earplugs to drown out the high-pitched screams.\u201d That\u2019s the first rule of covering teen pop star concerts or movies, a beat I have held almost exclusively at the San Francisco Chronicle for the past 10 years. There are other rules: Take an aisle seat, so you can slip out the moment the event is done. (And avoid the crush of kids swarming whatever free stuff might be handed out in the hallway.) If possible, use public transit. More than any other concert, minivan drivers seem to clog the entry of Oracle Arena and the former HP Pavilion.<\/p>\n San Francisco Chronicle Logo<\/p>\n Make us a Preferred Source to get more of our news when you search.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Add Preferred Source<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n But most of all, I try not to look creepy. This is nearly impossible, since I\u2019m a 43-year-old man going stag to a Justin Bieber concert.<\/p>\n Daniele Hollander,\u00a015, left, and Emma\u00a0Herlihy, 14, both of San Francisco react after the Jonas Brothers greeted fans at the Century San Francisco Centre 9 theater before their movie \u201cJonas Brothers The 3D Concert Experience\u201d in 2009.<\/p>\n Lea Suzuki\/The Chronicle<\/p>\n I look back, and still can\u2019t pinpoint where or when I acquired this beat. It may have started with \u201cAmerican Idol,\u201d which I covered in 2003 because then-Chronicle TV critic Tim Goodman chose not to write about it. But a \u201cHigh School Musical\u201d show in the mid-2000s was the real turning point. Just as a 12-year-old girl might stand out at Black Sabbath, it\u2019s difficult for a bald man who hasn\u2019t seen middle school in 25 years to look comfortable at a concert aimed at tween girls. Excuse me, a bald man who carries a notebook and pen, and constantly scribbles his thoughts down.<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n (Want to look like the worst kind of serial killer? Walk into the middle of the largest crowd of 7th grade girls in the Bay Area, and then quietly start taking notes.)<\/p>\n An incomplete list of the tween-friendly events I\u2019ve covered\/reviewed in the past decade: A Hannah Montana movie and a concert; a Justin Bieber movie and concert (with Carly Rae Jepsen opening); a Jonas Brothers movie, live appearance for fans and two concerts; an early Taylor Swift appearance at the Metreon; two \u201cHigh School Musical\u201d movies, a live show and High School Musical: On Ice!; a Glee Live! concert; at least three American Idol Live! concerts; the One Direction movie.<\/p>\n My two young boys have no interest in boy bands, and it\u2019s not worth the added cost of a babysitter to bring my wife.<\/p>\n I have recruited other people\u2019s pre-teen children to attend concerts with me, in an attempt to blend in with the uncomfortable and forlorn-looking dad chaperones that fill these events. I brought the 11-year-old daughter of my former colleague Vanessa Blyth Marlin (now proprietor of Bell and Trunk Flowers<\/a> in Potrero Hill) to see Miley Cyrus \u2014 Vanessa dropped us off and picked us up \u2014 if memory serves in a Volvo. Another time I convinced my colleague Joe Garofoli\u2019s wife Christine and then-tween daughters to accompany me to a Jonas Brothers movie screening, where the boys made a surprise appearance.<\/p>\n Jasmine Lobato, 12, left, and Serina Lee, 12, center, shout out in the theater holding posters before the Jonas Brothers greet fans at Century Theaters inside the Westfield San Francisco Centre in 2009.<\/p>\n Lea Suzuki\/S.F. Chronicle 2009<\/p>\n Mostly, I travel alone. Often I\u2019ll end up seated right next to Jim Harrington, critic for the Oakland Tribune and San Jose Mercury News. He\u2019s a very cool guy and I always enjoy his company. But I think we both agree that two dads sans kids hanging out at a Justin Bieber concert looks even more weird than flying solo.<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n I\u2019ve tried to get out of other assignments in my career, but never once attempted to punt something from the Chronicle teen-heartthrob-of-the-moment beat. One reason is reporterly pride. Just as I didn\u2019t say no to covering a gruesome murder or accident when I was a police reporter in the 1990s, it feels cowardly to pass on the new One Direction movie.<\/p>\n Another reason is logic. I try not to lose sight of the fact that I\u2019m fortunate to have an extremely great job that I enjoy, and watching a boy band for two hours still beats hot tarring a roof.<\/p>\n But mostly, I think I\u2019m pretty good at it. I have (in the words of a character from one of my favorite movies that didn\u2019t have a boy band in it<\/a>) a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career: The ability to translate the appeal of teen pop stars for the uninitiated public. I can\u2019t say I\u2019ve savored any of the music in any of these performances, movies or live appearances. But I do recognize even the subtle gradations in quality.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve mostly bashed the Jonas Brothers. (Here\u2019s a sample<\/a>.) But I\u2019m a \u201cHigh School Musical\u201d defender. I had a few nice things to say in my review of the Justin Bieber movie<\/a>. Considering this week\u2019s meltdown at the VMAs<\/a>, I find it interesting that the best live performance of this kind that I\u2019ve seen was the Hannah Montana\/Miley Cyrus show<\/a> at Oracle Arena.<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n I\u2019m never sure how to dress for a teen pop star concert. In the end, I go for a look I call \u201cFun Dad Casual.\u201d A short sleeve shirt from Target, open, with a white T-shirt underneath and light jacket was my last choice. No trench coats. No tight black T-shirts. I always write back the exact same thing.<\/p>\n Good for you for sticking up for your favorite artist, (insert fan\u2019s first name here). You should never let anyone else tell you what you should and shouldn\u2019t like. I\u2019m glad you had a great time at the (concert\/movie\/ice show) and didn\u2019t let my review ruin it.<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Culture critic Peter Hartlaub stands with a billboard for the \u201cOne Direction: This is Us\u201d concert movie at…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":318969,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[329,330,143,145,144],"class_list":["post-318968","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-oakland","tag-arts-and-entertainment","tag-music","tag-oakland","tag-oakland-headlines","tag-oakland-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/318968","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=318968"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/318968\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/318969"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=318968"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=318968"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=318968"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\nMy editor David Wiegand and Chronicle music critic Aidin Vaziri have never established a formal quid pro quo. But they do seem to make a point of offering me a concert they know I might see on my own \u2014 maybe AC\/DC or Van Halen \u2014 right after I jump on the boy band grenade.
\nI was serious about the earplugs. Teen pop star concerts are loud in a way that\u2019s hard to compare. I don\u2019t always bring earplugs to\u00a0Metallica, Rock the Bells (big mistake) or Rush. I would bring them to a Jonas Brothers autograph signing in a mall, even if no amplifiers are set up.
\nThanks to my friend\/colleague\/tolerant movie buddy Beth\u00a0Spotswood, who accompanied me to the \u201cOne Direction\u201d movie. (And took the above photo.) Here\u2019s my San Francisco Chronicle review of the movie<\/a>.
\nI receive more angry mail about boy bands and teen pop stars than almost any other subject I write about. If I give a Bieber or a Jonas Brother even a mixed review, girls write me long serious notes, telling me they feel sorry for me and that the Chronicle should send a real reviewer to cover the show.<\/p>\n