I drove down to LA this past Halloweekend for a rave. The usual six-hour drive doubled to 12 thanks to traffic and the limits of an electric car. Our plans to get ready and explore the festival kept getting pushed back, my leg bouncing in restlessness as I researched alternate routes, hoping to shave off even a few minutes.<\/p>\n
I was going with my closest friends at Berkeley, my freshman year floormates. We were meeting up with my literal soulmates, my childhood best friends who\u2019ve stood by me through my Barbie-princess obsession and my awkward-emo era after losing my mom, all the way to the current heartbroken, healing one. They\u2019ve held my hand through my insanity, polar mood swings and angst. They\u2019re the only people I\u2019ve laughed with to the point where I\u2019ve literally peed my pants \u2014 multiple times. As I\u2019ve matured, I\u2019ve started to cry tears of laughter instead.<\/p>\n
Even though they can be annoying, never bringing toothpaste to sleepovers and eating all my snacks, they are my Liquid IVs who can resuscitate me back to life.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
This weekend reminded me how fortunate I am.<\/p>\n
Usually, going out feels like a gamble \u2014 it\u2019s either the best night ever or a waste of makeup and time. But last weekend, I had zero doubts; I knew it would be the best night of the year. And it was.<\/p>\n
As the streets widened and palm trees multiplied in rows, welcoming us with that unmistakable sense of LA freedom cultivated by baby-blue Levi shorts and spaghetti straps, I knew I was home. We finally arrived in Riverside \u2014 rocky mountains, sprawling plazas, not a pedestrian in sight and a pink-ombre sky tucking the sun into bed. I jumped out of the car, restless and dreading how much I\u2019d have to rush to get ready. But when I saw Clara, I sprinted toward her, squeezing her torso ever so tightly, like a rom-com reunion scene in slow motion.<\/p>\n
Clara and Rachel were already dressed in their intricate Kuromi and Tigger costumes, with tight tops and miniskirts. Without a second thought, they helped me get ready. As Clara waxed my armpits and Rachel helped me put on uCoolMe manga lashes, I smiled, knowing I\u2019d be ok. No matter what happened that night, all my anxieties lifted because it wasn\u2019t about the rave, it was about dancing my heart out to songs from our childhood in cute outfits with my favorite people. We could\u2019ve spent the night in their dorms playing \u201cJust Dance,\u201d raiding cabinets of Buldak Carbonara ramen and frozen dumplings, and it would\u2019ve been just as fun. Though the rave was a euphoric dream I keep reliving \u2014 a liberating celebration of music and humanity \u2014 it had far more to do with who I was with.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Although I was dressed up, I felt as if I had my hair loose, face bare, in pajama pants and an oversized hoodie \u2014 completely comfortable. We banged our heads back and forth to the drops of the beat. We moved our bodies in the most hideous, uncool ways and didn\u2019t care what a single person thought of us. I knew no matter what I did, I was with people who\u2019d never leave my side.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been desperately trying to make Berkeley feel like home. I exploit superficial similarities \u2014 being Korean or from LA \u2014 grasping for connection, hoping to find that same comfort I have with my friends back home. I keep beating a dead horse, hitting a dead end, having conversations about a mutual on Instagram we both barely know.<\/p>\n
Now, as a junior walking down Telegraph Avenue, I\u2019m accustomed to the bustling students rebelling against the jurisdiction of traffic lights, intense chess matches in the middle of the sidewalk, endless boba shops, cafes, Freshroll, Sheng Kee Bakery and the heavily guarded Walgreens. Yet I still feel dissociated, as though I\u2019m watching my life through glass. My spirit squeezes my flesh, desperate to feel alive, but I still feel like a machine in a simulation \u2014 programmed to keep going in a place that should be familiar but isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Two years can\u2019t compare to 18 years of growing up with the same friends in the same neighborhood. Familiarity is bred over time, constructing the sensations of a home. I did get lucky with my people and city, but my home was created by suffering, celebrating and loving hand in hand throughout our journeys of life.<\/p>\n
And I do love my friends I\u2019ve made at Berkeley. We\u2019ve shared conversations about tariffs, sexual violence, Prop. 50 and existential dread. We\u2019ve twirled bistro napkins atop chairs in Santorini, toured Roman ruins, watched the Eiffel Tower sparkle at midnight and cliff-jumped at Waimea Bay. They\u2019ve seen me share my first kiss with a beautiful Greek boy in Paros, flirt with ugly strangers at frat parties, cry over imposter syndrome and homesickness and heartbreak. They\u2019ve kept me afloat here.<\/p>\n
\u00a0Yet, I don\u2019t let these friends see my armpit hair, I feel guilty eating their food and their parents don\u2019t feel like family. There\u2019s a new boundary that emerges with friendships formed after childhood. It\u2019s different, but I realized they\u2019re a truer reflection of yourself.<\/p>\n
These new friendships reveal who you\u2019ve become. They\u2019re not born from playdates coordinated by your moms; they\u2019re chosen. Out of 40,000 people, these are the ones you decide are worth knowing. There are no daily math classes or weekly dance practices keeping you close; it\u2019s on you to plan bake nights and city excursions or decide who no longer aligns. It\u2019s scary but powerful.<\/p>\n
Although my dad, Coolies, Potter and Lulu will always be like warm soup on a rainy afternoon \u2014 a cozy blanket after a long day \u2014 I\u2019m also building a new home. One aligned with the person I\u2019m becoming. And maybe, after another eighteen years or so, I\u2019ll feel the same comfort and warmth, this time in remembrance of the reckless freedom yet journey full of self-discovery during our young adulthood, coming of age.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Home may be the people, but time and nostalgia give them the bricks to build with. Your new friends can one day become your old friends, the ones you realize will never leave your side. You just have to water the seed, prune what doesn\u2019t serve you and nurture it until it bears fruit.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Home isn\u2019t just a person or a place, but the lifelong search for one \u2014 through different cities, countries, people, careers and lives. And maybe, all along, that home is found only within yourself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I drove down to LA this past Halloweekend for a rave. The usual six-hour drive doubled to 12…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":40962,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[764,1729,179,16273,1431,23540,27819,27817,1073,27818,27821,48,27822,143,145,144,3147,8826,27820],"class_list":["post-40961","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-oakland","tag-berkeley","tag-childhood","tag-community","tag-connection","tag-family","tag-friends","tag-friendship","tag-halloweekend","tag-home","tag-homesick","tag-hometown","tag-la","tag-navigating","tag-oakland","tag-oakland-headlines","tag-oakland-news","tag-rave","tag-relationship","tag-young-adult"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40961","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40961"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40961\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/40962"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40961"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40961"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40961"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}