I\u2019m driving down Laurel Canyon Boulevard in Los Angeles, listening to Matt\u2019s proposal over my car speaker, my eyes blurry from crying. <\/p>\n
\u201cWhat would you say to one final date?\u201d he asks. <\/p>\n
He had broken off our seven-month relationship the day before, revealing he had never developed \u201cstrong romantic feelings\u201d for me. Brutal. \u201cCould we still hang out as friends?\u201d he had asked through tears. \u201cI need you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yesterday I was stoic. \u201cYou don\u2019t want to be in a relationship with me, you don\u2019t get the pleasure of my company,\u201d I had said. It was the kind of line a Kerry Washington character delivers.<\/p>\n
Now, as I take a turn too fast, I can\u2019t bear the thought of never seeing him again. I agree to one final date. This could be one last chance to change his mind.<\/p>\n
I had felt \u201cstrong romantic feelings\u201d from the moment Matt had let me cut in front of him at the water station at 4100 Bar.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat a gentleman,\u201d I remarked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m from the South,\u201d he replied, proudly adjusting his hat.<\/p>\n
When he continued the conversation outside, I tried to shake him, sure there was some sort of mistake. But he trailed me like a duckling. Finally, he suggested we make out. I, very much out of character, agreed.<\/p>\n
While I tried to sneak out the next morning, he proposed we get brunch. Somehow, we were both reading Bob Odenkirk\u2019s memoir and had the same favorite TV show, \u201cFleabag.\u201d And we were both in our 30s, balancing inconsistent comedy work with day jobs.<\/p>\n
We spent our early days saying yes to everything \u2014 impromptu concerts, long walks to Echo Park Lake, Arts District bar-hopping \u2014 until it felt strange to be alone again. In our first month of dating, I unknowingly gave him COVID-19. We spent a week straight in bed together recovering and bingeing \u201cYellowjackets.\u201d<\/p>\n
But as time went on, Matt was cagey around his phone and reluctant to call me his girlfriend. When I told him I loved him one morning, he said he needed more time, sending me crying into the kitchen in my underwear. Finally, at the end of January, he broke it all off.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t tell anyone about the final date or my plan to win him back. I know it\u2019s not a good idea \u2014 and I know I\u2019m going to do it anyway. I will be the easy, breezy dream date.<\/p>\n
Matt knocks at my apartment. Instead of meeting him at the door with an embrace like usual, I casually yell from the kitchen, \u201cIt\u2019s open!\u201d I\u2019m making guacamole, wearing winged black eyeliner and Utah curls, trying to steady my hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre we going to be able to have fun tonight?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have to treat it like \u2018The Purge,\u2019\u201d I say. \u201cWe can say or do anything we want \u2026 except talk about the fact that we are broken up.\u201d<\/p>\n
He nods. \u201cDeal.\u201d<\/p>\n
We decide to walk to the Grove<\/a>. It was our move: a 20-minute stroll to the mall to catch a movie. He holds my hand on the way, more tenderly than he ever did while we were together. As we wait for the light to change, he stares at my face like he\u2019s trying to memorize it.<\/p>\n \u201cMy plan is working!\u201d I think. I can\u2019t help but smile.<\/p>\n As we walk down the cobblestone street of the Grove, Matt mentions that he is looking forward to meeting people at his best friend\u2019s wedding. It was an invite I was hoping for but never got. I picture him in a tux laughing with a beautiful girl on the dance floor, of course.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think I can do this,\u201d I say, turning back toward home.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on,\u201d he says. \u201cLet\u2019s go to the movie.\u201d<\/p>\n At the AMC bar, Matt orders a beer. I choose the \u201cLove Potion,\u201d noted on the chalkboard sign as an early Valentine\u2019s Day special.<\/p>\n The bartender hesitates. \u201cI\u2019m supposed to be closed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s fine,\u201d I say. \u201cI\u2019ll just have the beer.\u201d I\u2019ll take what I can get.<\/p>\n We share a giant tub of popcorn, stealing kisses throughout the previews. We must look like the type of couple that would inspire envy, not one in the process of saying goodbye.<\/p>\n On the walk home, we duck into the Kibitz Room<\/a>, the dive bar off Canter\u2019s Deli<\/a> on Fairfax Avenue.<\/p>\n \u201cWe just broke up!\u201d we announce as we slide onto our barstools. Cheers erupt. Someone sends over shots.<\/p>\n \u201cTo your breakup!\u201d<\/p>\n A few drinks in, I\u2019m kissing Matt\u2019s cheek, telling him I\u2019ll never be able to look at another man. That I\u2019m going to a nunnery. I tell him I love him. For the first time, he tells me he loves me too.<\/p>\n The woman sitting next to me leans close. \u201cYou\u2019re not going to break up, are you?\u201d I smile. \u201cClassic,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n A live band of middle-aged men begins jamming to an endless chorus of, \u201cBecause I used to love her, but it\u2019s all over now.\u201d I grab a string of balloons and wrap them around Matt, spinning him in circles on the dance floor. \u201cBecause I used to love her, but it\u2019s all over now.\u201d<\/p>\n We fall out of the bar into the quiet evening. \u201cWasn\u2019t that crazy they were playing that song?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat song?\u201d he replies.<\/p>\n \u201cThat Rolling Stones song,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t notice.\u201d<\/p>\n He stays the night. We hold onto each other like he\u2019s headed off to war. As I drift off to sleep, I think, \u201cIf these are not strong romantic feelings, I have no idea what is.\u201d<\/p>\n The next morning, we decide to watch \u201cTommy Boy.\u201d He hands me a cup of coffee and settles onto the couch, putting his feet up on the ottoman. He is calm, no longer tearful. Whatever urgency he felt the night before is gone.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you want to cuddle until I have to go?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n I sit up. \u201cYou\u2019re leaving? For good?\u201d<\/p>\n But he\u2019s already on his phone, getting ready for what\u2019s next.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve since blocked his number. I\u2019m mostly living the self-fulfilling prophecy of the nunnery, though I have recently made a Bumble profile.<\/p>\n Sometimes I think of that night and the way I was convinced that if I got everything right, if the night felt like us at our best, it might unlock the same passion in him I felt so strongly. But by morning, nothing had changed. I postponed my grief for a night, but it was waiting for me at the door.<\/p>\n My new Bumble profile includes the prompt, \u201cDescribe your perfect date.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA walk to the Grove, a movie over a shared tub of popcorn, and a stop at the Kibitz Room on the way home.\u201d<\/p>\n The author is a staff writer on the Apple TV show \u201cPlatonic.\u201d<\/a> She lives in West Hollywood. She\u2019s on Instagram: @reeshmeese.<\/p>\n L.A. Affairs<\/a> chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com<\/a>. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here<\/a>. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I\u2019m driving down Laurel Canyon Boulevard in Los Angeles, listening to Matt\u2019s proposal over my car speaker, my…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":484893,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[15017,189638,2613,217,1576,189636,10141,189637,48,52,51,47,50,49,76717,4287,84635,1869,97195,189635,8843],"class_list":["post-484892","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-los-angeles","tag-bar","tag-bumble-profile","tag-date","tag-day","tag-friend","tag-giant-tub","tag-grove","tag-kibitz-room","tag-la","tag-la-headlines","tag-la-news","tag-los-angeles","tag-los-angeles-headlines","tag-los-angeles-news","tag-matt","tag-movie","tag-next-morning","tag-night","tag-popcorn","tag-strong-romantic-feeling","tag-way"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/484892","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=484892"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/484892\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/484893"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=484892"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=484892"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=484892"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}