If you survived Sunday’s brutal defeat at the hands of the Cleveland Browns and are still willing to engage in content associated with the NFL’s physical representation of a clown car known as the Miami Dolphins, you’re in luck. I’m here to feed all of you gluttons for punishment. So, go ahead — stick your head in the trough and get yourself a little treat. You deserve it.
Miami Dolphins running back De’Von Achane becomes the first three-time winner of the MVP award this season and that’s because he’s one of the only members of the team who is actually doing his job well. On a team filled with disappointing performers, Achane remains our sole beacon of light in an otherwise dark and dreary 2025 Dolphins season.
On Sunday, while the Dolphins were getting pantsed on a blustery day in Cleveland, Ohio, Achane was trying his best to keep the team’s proverbial trousers up — running the ball 13 times for 82 yards (6.3 yards per carry), while tacking on 3 receptions for 16 of Tua Tagovailoa’s 100 yards passing.
This nightmare of a season isn’t close to being done, so for us sickos who are being held hostage with our eyes forced open in A Clockwork Orange kind of fashion, Achane provides a small bit of respite from the horrors being inflicted upon us by the artists formerly known as the Miami Dolphins.
Week One – RB De’Von Achane
Week Two – WR/PR Malik Washington
Week Three – RB Ollie Gordon II
Week Four – TE Darren Waller
Week Five – WR Jaylen Waddle
Week Six – RB De’Von Achane
Week Seven – RB De’Von Achane