We are finally, finally, just a few days away from a real, live Orlando City soccer match, and my excitement level has me bouncing around like a bunny (not a good or bad/Bad bunny, just a regular one who bounces a lot) in anticipation of the season opener on Saturday night. Orlando City will host the New York Red Bulls in that game, and then follow that up by hosting Inter Miami, going on the road to play New York City FC, and then returning home against CF Montréal, giving the team three games out of the first four in Inter&Co Stadium and a chance to hopefully start the season off more like the hare than the tortoise.

Speaking of hare, or rather its homonym, hair, the Lions acquired defender Griffin Dorsey this week from Houston, and his acquisition gives them a proven fullback who has five years of experience playing right back in MLS. Dorsey brings that experience and a glorious manbun to the City Beautiful, and it allows us the opportunity, in these last few days before we have actual games to pore over and analyze, to look back at some of the other outstanding hairdos in club history, and, in honor of the Winter Olympics, to award a Bronze, Silver, and Gold Medal to the best in-game manes. Let’s begin.

We will start with those who almost made the podium, but ended up long on style (and often on hair) but came up just short.

Brek Shea

Shea’s long, flowing, blonde hair was often on full display as he sprinted up and down the left side of the field in the Citrus Bowl/Camping World Stadium. The former USMNT player was not afraid to diversify his looks during his career, going with short hair, colored streaks, cornrows, a mullet, a manbun and a few looks that cannot be easily described in words, except just to say “Brek Shea.”

Robin Jansson

The Beefy Swede always brings the thunder on the field and the lightning on his head, usually with his blonde hair in a razor-sharp combover. But on occasion, as seen in the photo above, he took the combover to a different level, channeling Scandinavian and Disney icon Elsa by going with a platinum/ice colored combover.

Facundo Torres

Speaking of lightning (or is it lightening?), my son’s all-time favorite Lion, Facundo Torres, perhaps was channeling Orlando’s famed boy bands on occasion by showing off some colored looks that approached but never quite reached the frosted tips that were associated with Lance Bass, Nick Carter, and Justin Timberlake. I am quite confident that those four have never been mentioned in a sentence together, until now.

Junior Urso

The Bear took Jansson’s platinum look to a new level, going from night to day by dyeing his natural black hair a full 180 degrees opposite, and bringing a polar bear to Inter&Co Stadium for the first time.

Pedro Gallese

El Pulpo brought a variety of hairstyles to his goalkeeper box during his years in Orlando, but the bleached short afro was one of my favorites. Most octopi color with dark ink, but as all Orlando City fans know, Gallese was one of a kind, so of course he could go blonde.

Adrian Winter

One of the most beloved former Lions wore a look that is arguably more iconic than, say, a white shirt often worn by a certain current head coach. Winter’s time in Orlando was far too short, but he is always remembered fondly by Lions fans, especially for his 94th-minute goal to equalize against Real Salt Lake in 2016, after which the entire team completely messed, and mussed, up his manbun.

Nani

No Orlando City hair list is complete without Nani’s bleached ponytail, a look that fit perfectly with Nani’s style of play, as it was long on bravado and flair, but came up short at the very end, as it fell just short of making the Orlando City podium for the best hair in club history.

And now, for the medalists…

Bronze Medal: Gustavo Caraballo

Orlando City’s youngest ever player has had less time on Earth than any other Lion to contemplate how to style his hair, yet he came up with one of the best looks in club history. Only Favian Loyola came close to matching the bounce and the flop of Caraballo’s locks, and the picture above does not do the Venezuelan’s current look justice, as his hair has even more flow now than it did when that picture was taken last season. His hair matches perfectly with how he plays the game, as it is a whirling dervish of a look for a whirling dervish of a player, and one who I think will perform at a high level under that high hair.

Silver Medal: Darwin Cerén

The Salvadoran was more of a midfield destroyer than a creative force on the field, but the same cannot be said for his hairstyle, as nobody in club history can match the creativity for the designs that Cerén cut into his hair. Cerén rolled out a new look nearly every week, and those side or back-of-the-head designs went perfectly alongside his faux or full mohawk, which was always cut sharply and styled perfectly. Cerén left the club in 2016, but there has not been a player since who even came close to surpassing his stylish looks. It is fitting that his name is Darwin, because his hairstyle was fully evolved.

Gold Medal: Aurélien Collin

As if there could be any other choice. He may have only played 30 games for the club, but no player in club history had a more distinctive look than Collin’s imperial bald head, sitting above the unusual number 78 on his Orlando City jersey. Some may debate the saying that bald is beautiful, and as I am a proud member of the bald brotherhood for nearly 20 years, you might think I am biased (how dare you?) in saying it unequivocally is, but Collins is one of one, and because of that, he stands alone at the top of the podium, wearing a gold medal that, ironically, displays the king of the jungle with a flowing mane.

[Editor’s note: We did not vote on this. Please direct all vitriol at Andrew.]

The new season starts in just a few days, giving us all the opportunity to see if any Orlando City players will debut new hairstyles that knock any of the current medalists off the podium. If there are any players that I missed, feel free to work yourself into a lather in the comments, and tell me who I missed and how harebrained it was that I forgot that player’s hair.

Once we get that settled, we can turn our attention from the style of their hair to their style of play, in hopes that it starts reflecting success as often as Collin’s head reflected light, which is to say during every minute of every game. It starts against the Red Bulls on Saturday night, and I hope you are as excited as I am to see if the Lions can get their groom, I mean, their groove on and pick up all three points.

Vamos Orlando!