A crop of the King of Swords card Credit: bigjom jom / shutterstock
Dear Oracle,
I recently had an awful friendship breakup with someone I was very close to. I met “D” a couple of years ago and we soon were seeing each other multiple times a week. I knew her parents, I helped plan her wedding. Then, there was some miscommunication around what I thought was a boundary she sent. Things felt very off, and when we met up to talk about it, it led to her telling me how immature and selfish I am and what a bad friend I’ve been. We both said some things we shouldn’t have, and she told me she didn’t feel safe around me. She left, and the next morning, sent me a letter telling me the same things again. I’m devastated. I truly valued her friendship and love my friends. I don’t want to be someone my friends feel unsafe around or be selfish or emotionally immature. Do the cards have any advice on how to move through this experience, grow, and become a better friend? (And possibly get my friend back?)—Failure as a friend
Cards: Three of Cups (reversed), Eight of Pentacles (reversed), Nine of Swords (reversed), King of Swords, Ten of Wands (reversed), Knight of Wands
Dear Friend, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Over the years, I’ve written many times about the loss of friendships. A friendship breakup can feel even more devastating than a romantic breakup because friendships often last longer and can be just as emotionally intimate.
I’ve also been on both sides of the friendship breakup, as the initiator and as the friend who’s been dumped. It’s awful all around, but when you are the one who’s been told you’re lacking, it can cause some deep self-examination—something I think you’re happy to do for the sake of a friendship.
With the harmonious Three of Cups, you are clearly someone who values your friendships deeply. And with nose-to-the-grindstone Eight of Pentacles, you are clearly someone who isn’t afraid to do the hard work parts of friendship upkeep. You’ll have that hard conversation in order to resolve a problem and get back to the harmony.
I can see this in your own letter. You seem very quick to accept responsibility, ready to admit your faults, and willing to parse through this hurt to become a better person and repair what can be repaired.
However, you might be too quick to take the blame here.
I asked several follow-up questions and read D’s letter, and while I won’t print those details, they were very illuminating. I am an outsider, so take this with a grain of salt, but in my professional opinion, D is a fucking asshole.
This letter is filled with wild statements, a slew of weaponized therapy speech, and some downright cruel passages. I cannot imagine what it felt like to receive such an atom bomb of a letter.
As an outsider, it reads as ridiculous, manipulative, insincere, and designed to inflict the most pain upon you as possible.
What I think this letter did was trigger some deep insecurities inside of you. The Nine of Swords is often the card of anxiety and fear, especially when we feel trapped. I think this letter (and D in general) made you feel so less-than, so unworthy.
Initially, I thought the King of Swords, that critical sonofabitch, might be D, but upon further reflection, I wonder if this is your own cruel voice that’s telling you that D is right.
If someone says some crazy shit to us and we don’t agree with it, it’s very easy to ignore. But if someone said something that aligned with a deeply held belief (even if said belief is a delusion), then we take it as truth. We have finally been found out to be a fraud, to be a bad friend, to be a terrible person.
But, tell me: if this is true, how were you able to manipulate the whole world into thinking you were a decent human being for your entire life but not D? If you were so great at hiding your horribleness, how come no one else figured it out before now? Isn’t it more likely that instead of you being the world’s greatest liar and manipulator, this chick is just wrong about you? (And probably projecting something, but that’s for her therapist to figure out.)
With the Ten of Wands reversed, I do think the idea that you’re not good enough has weighed on you for quite some time, and it’s a heavy burden. I would highly recommend seeing a therapist if you’re able to work through these feelings.
But make no mistake, you will be able to do it. The Ten of Wands is a burden but a manageable one.
As the passionate and creative Knight of Wands, I do wonder if turning to an artistic practice (or art therapy) might also help you process these feelings. Art is something of the soul, something that allows you to sink into a flow and is often the antidote to overthinking. A non-narrative art form, such as music, dance, or painting, might help you reach down and feel the range of your emotions that might be difficult to access with just words. It can allow you to just feel.
Art, as well as our passions, also serve as a shortcut to remind us exactly who we are and what we value. While you may not be able to immediately tap into self-love while doing something you love, it certainly can crowd out the self-hate in your head.
Creating and experiencing art can also be social. Going to a concert, playing in a band, or taking an art class can allow you to meet other people who already share a passion and who you can talk to in a low-stakes way. Meeting new people might help you frame your relationship with D. (And see that she’s an asshole.)
Again, I’m so sorry this happened to you, my dear. I hope that with time and work, you’re able to see how cruel D was and to let yourself off the hook. Please be kind to yourself.
Send your questions to oracle@cltampa.com or DM @theyboracle on Instagram. See more of Caroline and learn about her services via carolinedebruhl.com.
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This article appears in Mar. 12 – 18, 2026.
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