MAYPORT, Fla. – The homecoming hugs are often the part people see. The adjustment that follows can be less visible.
After the USS Abraham Lincoln returned to the United States following an unusually long deployment, the experience highlighted the strain that extended time away can place on sailors and their families. The ship spent more than 300 consecutive days overseas, including 286 days without a regular port call.
At Naval Station Mayport, deployment support specialist Kelly Stull and clinical counselor Susan Schanen help sailors and families prepare for reunions and navigate the transition home.
“There’s a lot of trepidation,” Stull said. “How’s this going to go? How long have they been gone? What have they gone through? … Is my sailor going to have an adjustment period? Are the kids going to be welcoming?”
Families change while sailors are away
Stull, a Navy spouse of 21 years whose husband is a retired senior chief, said her family’s longest deployment lasted a year. Their younger son had just turned 2 when his father left.
She said homecoming preparation starts with talking about what has changed for everyone — including children, whose lives can change quickly while a parent is gone. A child may have grown, started driving, or begun dating. Families should share those changes and make room for an adjustment period, she said.
The parent at home may also have established routines and rules that helped the household keep moving. Stull advises returning sailors to adapt to the life their family has built, rather than assuming everything will pick up where it left off.
“They live this parallel universe,” she said. “They go on the deployment. … They forget that home keeps going forward, too.”
A reunion may not unfold like a picture-perfect scene, Stull said. Children might stumble, a photographer might not be there, or emotions may come out in unexpected ways. The moment can still be meaningful, she said, even if it does not look like the one families imagined.
Watch for stress, and reach out
Schanen said the return can be difficult for different reasons, depending on what a sailor experienced at sea and what the family experienced at home. Some sailors spend months aboard ship without a port visit, and their duties and experiences can affect how they feel when they return.
Mayport’s support team works to connect with sailors before they arrive home. Schanen said clinicians may speak with sailors aboard ship, sometimes after a referral from a chaplain or medical staff member, and can continue counseling after the ship returns.
She said signs such as trouble sleeping or eating can be a reason to check in. Stull also urged families not to jump to a diagnosis such as PTSD. Changes in behavior may have different causes, including the stress of adjusting, and a counselor can help determine what kind of support is appropriate.
“We don’t want any of our families to just immediately diagnose PTSD,” Stull said. “There are so many layers.”
Instead, she encourages families to support sailors in talking with a counselor. Schanen said clinicians try to make those conversations approachable, meeting sailors where they are and asking how they are doing without pressuring them to talk.
Reconnecting takes communication
The transition can also bring disagreements about finances, parenting or other decisions made during the deployment. Schanen advised families to avoid saving up frustrations for the moment the sailor walks through the door.
Stull recommends couples begin reconnecting before the ship returns: Talk, flirt, plan a date or revisit the small gestures that created and helped build the relationship. The Navy’s homecoming curriculum also includes a question and answer game, meant to encourage partners to have personal, open conversations, she said.
Children may need time to reconnect, too. They may be shy or unsure around a parent they have not seen in a long time, Schanen said, and family routines and expectations may have changed.
Support for sailors and families
The Fleet and Family Support Center at Mayport offers counseling and other services for sailors and families, including deployment support, stress management, financial resources, new-parent support and help for families with special needs, Stull said. The center’s services are available at no charge, she said.
Stull also leads a deployment support group that meets every other Monday from 6 to 8 p.m. via Teams. The group is open to relatives beyond spouses and partners, including parents, grandparents, siblings and other family members.
Before some ships return, Fleet and Family staff offer sessions on topics such as reintegration with partners and children, suicide prevention and reducing stress. Stull said staff can also connect sailors and families with other specialists, including financial counselors.
For sailors who may hesitate to seek help, Schanen said counselors spend time aboard ship, talking informally and letting sailors decide whether they want to share more. The goal, she said, is to make support feel like a conversation — and to help sailors and families reunify in a healthy way.
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