Rules and regulations can be tricky to unpack, especially when it comes to the evolving universe of Florida firearms.

The state began allowing open carry on Sept. 25 after an appeals court OK’d strapping a blicky to your belt. But the ruling doesn’t guarantee a free-for-all. For instance, you can’t pack openly at courthouses, schools, polling places and the like. And private business can still tell you to put Old Smokey away.

That leads us to Publix, where shopping and guns are a pleasure. While some Florida stores including Winn-Dixie and Walmart have barred or discouraged open carry, Publix is allowing visible side pieces near the Reese’s Pieces.

When asked for information, Publix issued one of its famously terse media statements, a missive giving the energy of, “I can’t believe you’re asking me this and not getting a chicken tender sub.”

“Publix follows all federal, state and local laws,” a spokesperson wrote, adding, “In any instance where a customer creates a threatening, erratic or dangerous shopping experience — whether they are openly carrying a firearm or not — we will engage local law enforcement to protect our customers and associates.”

Got it, jeez, sorry. For extra clarity, let’s break down the bounds of permissible Publix behaviors based on interpretations of the store’s own policies.

Can I bring my dog?

A service animal, yes, as long as it’s potty-trained and under firm control of the handler. If you just feel like toting around your beloved pet Mr. Waddlepants, no, that impedes health regulations. Nobody wants dog hair on the rotisserie chicken. Also, someone could trip. Think of the risks.

Can I bring my shotgun?

Totally!

Can I film or take photos inside Publix?

This requires prior permission from the media relations team. Please go through the proper secure channels before attempting any projects.

Can I unveil my cutie Glock?

Gladly, friends.

Can I buy a cake with a Canadian flag on it?

No. We’ve been over this.

OK, then can I get a cake with a hurricane on it?

Also no. And please, be sensitive when making light of natural disasters. Hurricanes have hurt and killed people.

Oh.

Go on, next.

Uh, can I walk through the Halloween candy display with a SIG Sauer P365 atop my jorts?

Of course! No problem whatsoever.

Can I use 10 identical coupons?

Publix’s extensive coupon policy has 13 bullet points, including one limiting redemption to eight of the same coupon per day, per household. It’s important to put boundaries on loopholes that customers might use to save on comestibles.

Can I pop in for Tostitos on the way to the fishing hole with my AR-15 holstered around my chest?

Baby, come on in.

Can I campaign politically or register voters in Publix?

This is prohibited, as it is bothersome to customers.

What if someone’s large and exposed gun is bothersome to customers?

Please, no more questions.

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