A Volusia County BMW owner learned a costly lesson about leaving his car unlocked, and a 36-year-old man learned that teleportation, apparently, does not include a soft landing.
Calvin Curtis Johnson was hospitalized after crashing a stolen BMW that witnesses say was traveling well over 100 mph. When deputies came knocking with questions, Johnson had a ready explanation: he didn’t steal anything. He simply teleported into the vehicle. Beam me up, Scotty, but make it a 3 Series.
Not Exactly a Convincing Defense
Johnson now faces charges of grand theft auto and driving with a suspended license. That second charge is particularly impressive when you consider his defense hinges on not having driven anywhere at all. If he teleported, whose foot was on the gas? We may never know.
The car’s rightful owner was out walking his dog when the incident unfolded, having left the BMW unlocked with the keys sitting in the cupholder. To be fair to Johnson, that is almost an invitation. To be fair to everyone else, it is still very much a crime.
Good Samaritans, Bad Decisions
After the crash, witnesses didn’t just watch. They actually helped pull Johnson from the wreckage and flagged down deputies to report just how fast the car had been going. So in one afternoon, Volusia County got a teleportation claim, a totaled luxury vehicle, and a reminder that Florida never really takes a day off.
Johnson is expected to be transferred to Volusia County Branch Jail once he’s cleared by medical staff. His BMW-hopping, warp-speed joyride will presumably be addressed at a later court date, where “I teleported” will have to hold up a little better under cross-examination.
In the meantime, a gentle reminder to car owners everywhere: cupholders are for drinks, not keys.