With Halloween landing on a Friday this year, trick-or-treating safety is more important than ever.

Unlike Halloweens that fall on, say, a random Tuesday, this year’s festivities won’t just be kids trolling neighborhoods for the biggest candy stash possible. Instead, grown-ups with no work the next day will be shutting down neighborhood blocks and partying their little sexy nurse and jacked doctor booties off.

With that partying comes an influx of drunk driving and any number of potential risks to the little ghouls, goblins, Avengers and Disney Princesses.

And that’s why organizations such as the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) offer safety tips each year for the holiday.

My kids are all grown now (one is even getting married!), and their trick-or-treating days, much to my horror, are long gone. But several years ago, when they were still very much into schlepping pillow cases around our neighborhood and several other adjoining neighborhoods (those girls really maximized their haul back in the day), I took a gander at the FDLE’s safety tips and felt a little, well, insulted.

What resulted was a recap posted for you, fine readers, absolutely making fun of the no-brainer “tips” offered to parents whom FDLE must have assumed were allowing their children the other 364 days of the year to run with scissors, play in traffic and swim during thunderstorms. (Fun fact: I started my career as a mom as a literal teenager and never did any of those things.) It was titled, “A cynic’s guide to Halloween safety, brought to you by Florida Politics’ snarkiest mom.” It even includes a dated reference to Bird Box (IYKYK).

I say all that as a preamble to this: The tips FDLE offered six years ago are THE EXACT SAME NOW. So in that spirit, we at Florida Politics have decided to just regurgitate my snark from what feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve even recycled the same very awesome, very funny, possibly inappropriate photo of a creepy white van emblazoned with the words “free candy.” You’re welcome.

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With kids hitting the streets in droves on Friday evening, looking for their yearly sugar fix, it seems the best time of year to remind parents of some pretty basic safety precautions.

No, that’s not to warn against nefarious grown-ups slipping pot into Halloween baskets. No one is going to do that.

Instead, the FDLE is reminding parents and caretakers to, well, be careful.

“Know where your children are, who they are with, and how to contact them,” the agency said in a press release, offering sage advice that should be followed every day of the year.

In one of its particularly poignant pieces of advice, the FDLE suggests parents “teach your child their name.”

No really. That’s a tip. So if you’ve been Bird Boxing your kid by calling him “Boy” or her “Girl,” you might want to get formal with that first name, like yesterday. Even Sandra Bullock eventually got with the program, amirite?

The state’s chief law enforcement agency is also reminding parents not to let their youngsters wander unsupervised. That’s important to remember because, while it might be OK to let young children wander the streets unaccompanied the other 364 days a year, on Halloween, they knock on strangers’ doors to ask for candy — totally different ball game.

“Set clear limits on where your children can trick-or-treat and what time they should be home,” the FDLE recommends.

Now might be a good time to subtly warn children about the creepy guy on the block, who, if Hollywood is correct in its dramatic interpretations of scary movies, is probably just a really nice old guy who’s only lonely and awkward.

Parents should also be wary of costumes that are too obtrusive. The FDLE recommends avoiding costumes that include masks that obscure vision or accessories that dangle and pose a tripping hazard. Sorry, inflatable dinosaur moms and dads! (Addition from the future here: Or your leftover No Kings protest inflatable frogs.)

In what is actually sage advice, the agency also suggests a quick refresher on traffic safety — look both ways before crossing the street, only cross at designated crosswalks and stick to the sidewalks where possible. They also recommend wearing brightly colored clothing to remain visible to motorists, or carrying a flashlight if that doesn’t go with your kid’s zombie theme.

FDLE also offers another useful tool that doesn’t insult your intelligence as a parent. The agency provides a free mobile app available on the App Store or Google Play that can notify parents of registered sex offenders’ locations.

And with all this useful safety information, get out there with your pillow cases and make sure to only steal a few of your kids’ good pieces of candy. Hey, it’s a great way to teach them about taxes!

If you’d like to read the FDLE’s non-sarcastic safety recommendations, they can be found here.