In the pantheon of advice no one will take, here\u2019s a big one: We should stop naming roads and buildings after people.<\/p>\n
Roads and buildings should be named for benign, agreeable things. They should be named for natural features, weather patterns, wildlife, colors, regional idiosyncrasies. For instance, if a road runs through a salty marsh, perhaps consider Salty Marsh Road. Bridge goes over blue water? How about \u2014 and this is just brainstorming \u2014 Blue Water Bridge? A hospital wing dedicated to fighting gout? The Florida Gout Center. Bam.<\/p>\n
Landmarks should no longer be named for any member of mankind, a species William Shakespeare reminded us is \u201cmoulded out of faults.\u201d And, hey, do not name anything for Shakespeare, either! He\u2019s the king of character defects. Shakespeare could be in the Epstein files.<\/p>\n
Please note that this guidance should apply across the spectrum of thought, not just in regards to people you or I don\u2019t personally like. That\u2019s the whole point. Someone somewhere will object toa human honoree more than, say, the grand opening of the Yellow-Bellied Sapsucker Emergency Room.<\/p>\n
There is one particular man who loves to put his name on stuff: hotels, steaks, meme coins, performing arts centers. As such, his supporters know the way to his heart is to put his name on stuff. Last month, Pasco County Commission chairperson Jack Mariano suggested renaming<\/a> Ridge Road as \u201cTrump Road.\u201d This, he said, could lure President Donald Trump to a ribbon-cutting ceremony.<\/p>\n It is patently embarrassing to suggest naming a major corridor extension in hopes that the honoree might grip-and-grin with novelty scissors, but here we are. Mariano went on to suggest renaming Sunlake Boulevard, a serviceable name for a bleak stretch of Pasco sprawl, after Charlie Kirk. That idea walks in spirit with proposed legislation<\/a> that would make all of Florida\u2019s state universities and colleges rename a thoroughfare after the late activist \u2014 or face financial punishment.<\/p>\n I am telling you. There is enough chaos in this world without holding taxpayers by the short hairs and demanding they pay tribute or else while they are trying to get to econ class in sputtering Toyota Tercels.<\/p>\n