Really? A Ferris wheel?<\/p>\n
Sorry, sorry. An \u201cobservation wheel.\u201d Apologies for suggesting that Tampa\u2019s incoming attraction<\/a> might possess any whiff of whimsy. This so-called \u201cWheel Over Water\u201d simply provides observation. Over, you know, water.<\/p>\n The Tampa City Council recently voted to bring a $20 million, 250-foot wheel to the Channel District next year<\/a>. The project pitched by a local developer is privately funded. That\u2019s a huge relief, as we in the news business don\u2019t have extra staff to cover protests over the wheel from \u201cThe Notebook.\u201d<\/p>\n Observation Wheelies (every fan group needs a name) have said the wheel will create jobs and make Tampa worth visiting, transforming the city into a tourist haven on par with Singapore, London and Dubai.<\/p>\n Observation Won\u2019ties have suggested that it only takes a few Kyles on break from Plant High to spin that baby. Also, what about noise and light pollution? What about hurricanes? Are vertical playthings wise as Florida is just now learning to secure construction cranes<\/a>?<\/p>\n But one anti-wheel argument looms over all others:<\/p>\n The wheel is weak sauce. It\u2019s bland and neutered, a lukewarm pint of unsalted broth. The proposal makes zero attempt at connecting with the eccentricitiesand histories that make Tampa what it is. The city has bloomed into an economic player full of fine-dining establishments, popular sports teams and suspiciously fit people. We must do better than a thrifted ride from Germany with all the excitement of khaki pants.<\/p>\n Come on! Let\u2019s put our heads together and conceive of tourist bait that caters to Tampa\u2019s categorical quirks.<\/p>\n A 250-foot Cuban sandwich<\/p>\n Enough ham to blanket a football field. Pickles the size of the Straz Center. Amber waves of mustard. At the base of the Cuban bread, visitors argue with historians, chefs and journalists (job creation) about the true origins of the sandwich. This installation fosters a healthy sense of debate in fractured times<\/a>. Once a year, Sandwich Wars becomes the city\u2019s most elite gala.<\/p>\n A giant Bloomin\u2019 Onion<\/p>\n Blue Earth, Minnesota may claim the Jolly Green Giant, a 55-foot fiberglass ode to the benefits of veggies. But we can draw inspiration from this brand appeal. Tampa will erect a multi-story Outback Bloomin\u2019 Onion complete with a children\u2019s maze through the allium petals. Visitors pay a flat fee for one hour of harnessed rock climbing; the foot holds are crevices of fried batter.<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 Gaspar interactive experience<\/p>\n Board this replica pirate ship as historically dressed U.S. military officers chase the plundering dread pirate Gaspar. Watch in horror when, rather than admit capture, Gaspar loops a chain around his neck and jumps overboard, disappearing into the briny deep! Scan a QR code to read fast facts and order rum-based cocktails! Exit through the gift shop!<\/p>\n Tower of wrestlers<\/p>\n It\u2019s just Dave Bautista, John Cena, Drew McIntyre and Roman Reigns in a trench coat.<\/p>\n Occasionally smoking cigar<\/p>\n Much like the showpiece dragon at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, our giant cigar emits a soft, glowing flame every hour, on the hour. Over the years, countless teens will take inappropriate prom and graduation photos in front of the cigar, leading to its eventual decommission and replacement with… an observation wheel.<\/p>\n Get Stephanie\u2019s newsletter<\/p>\n