Sometimes I feel like we all went to Taylor Swift\u2019s wedding.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Except\u00a0this time, instead of being dragged along by my wife, I was dragged along by the media.\u00a0Going to a wedding is hardly ever\u00a0my choice.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Most of the men I know feel about the same way.\u00a0There\u2019s\u00a0too much oohing and\u00a0ahhing\u00a0and exclamations of \u201cisn\u2019t that precious\u201d and not enough other stuff to hold our attention.\u00a0If the woman involved is anything beyond\u00a0the nearest relative or closest friend, men see this as more of a chore than a celebration.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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See Member Benefits<\/a>Join Our Newsletter<\/a><\/p>\n As for the man\u00a0involved, we assume he\u00a0doesn\u2019t\u00a0really want to be doing this, either.\u00a0These are just\u00a0hoops\u00a0he\u00a0has to\u00a0jump through.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Women\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0even have to know the people getting married to get all twittery and excited. Or\u00a0so\u00a0it seems. I have suspicions that even they\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0enjoy a wedding as much as they carry on. How could they? They\u00a0have to\u00a0do twice as much preparing, their shoes are even less comfortable than ours and they\u00a0can\u2019t\u00a0enjoy that puffed-up laminated wedding hair.\u00a0<\/p>\n Sometimes I suspect\u00a0this whole business was something women cooked up to show\u00a0who\u2019s\u00a0really the boss.\u00a0It\u2019s\u00a0a\u00a0big public display of \u201clook what I can make my husband do!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Any video of a reception dance floor supports this theory. As\u00a0evidenced\u00a0by whatever it is they are trying to do in time to the music, most guys\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0belong out\u00a0there\u00a0and most normal guys would not do it voluntarily.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n And that brings us to the only part of the Kelce-Swift nuptials that is\u00a0really interesting: the concept of normality. On a starry, starry night like this, with a billionaire singer and a Super Bowl star, how close to normal could anything get?\u00a0<\/p>\n You know what I\u2019m talking about, the stuff that happens at weddings down here below the clouds, the ones you and I go to: Guests acting up, maybe using those bendable napkin holders as nose rings; limo getting stuck in the parking garage; a semi-obscene toast; fat uncle in a leisure suit has a little too much white zinfandel and tries to break dance. The kind of memorable stuff you hope people will forget.\u00a0<\/p>\n Swift\u00a0probably didn\u2019t\u00a0have any of those issues, but I bet she did have one my wife could relate to, and it is a doozy. The seating chart.\u00a0<\/p>\n There were\u00a01,000 \u201cA-Listers\u201d to deal with, all who regularly breathe the rarefied air of celebrity and are accustomed to getting the\u00a0very best. So, on this most special of all\u00a0nights\u00a0when everybody is watching, who\u00a0doesn\u2019t?\u00a0<\/p>\n You\u00a0can\u2019t\u00a0have all 150 tables up front, even if\u00a0you\u2019re\u00a0Taylor Swift.\u00a0If the kitchen has a door, somebody\u00a0has to\u00a0be closest to it.\u00a0Any chance any of these glorified attention-getters\u00a0might notice they are at the outer edge of the inner circle and might resent being slighted?\u00a0<\/p>\n Any chance they\u00a0wouldn\u2019t? No need for cutlery at the back of the\u00a0room,\u00a0the claws\u00a0would\u00a0already\u00a0be\u00a0sharpened.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n I can just see\u00a0Swift\u00a0sitting up late pushing index cards around and wondering, \u201cwhich quarterbacks outrank what talk show hosts, does Paul McCartney get more attention than I do, is a backup dancer the equivalent of a cousin?\u201d and so forth.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n It\u2019s\u00a0a hopeless task. No matter how hard you try,\u00a0you\u2019re\u00a0liable to offend somebody. At least Swift had a soundtrack for the job, one of her own songs that might come back to haunt her, the one with the lyric \u201chaters\u00a0gonna\u00a0hate.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Sometimes I feel like we all went to Taylor Swift\u2019s wedding.\u00a0 Except\u00a0this time, instead of being dragged along…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":271544,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[139,141,140],"class_list":["post-341089","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-orlando","tag-orlando","tag-orlando-headlines","tag-orlando-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341089","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=341089"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341089\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/271544"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=341089"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=341089"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=341089"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}