Dear Eric: I have a problem with our camera-happy world. Plain and simple: I do not photograph well.<\/p>\n
Candids are the worst offenders, but my attempts to find an attractive facial expression for posed photography have failed miserably.<\/p>\n
In the age of smartphones, everyone is a photographer. Although I request that I not be photographed, I am often included in group photos at wedding receptions, birthday parties and neighborhood get-togethers. Yes, cellphone cameras often capture me raising a hand to block the lens or walking away. And, no, that\u2019s not funny.<\/p>\n
Over the years, I\u2019ve shifted from dread to avoidance of social events that I\u2019d otherwise enjoy. This is a boundary issue for me.<\/p>\n
How can I get people to respect my right not to be photographed? I know that I\u2019m not alone in feeling this is a breach of privacy.<\/p>\n
\u2013 Camera-Unfriendly Reader<\/p>\n
Dear Reader: I\u2019m curious how often your wishes are being disobeyed intentionally versus unintentionally. That is to say, even before the advent of cellphone cameras, it was custom to take photographs of groups at social gatherings.<\/p>\n
In those situations, we can\u2019t always control the candids in which we appear. You can wear a large button that reads \u201cNo Photographs\u201d but you still may end up in the background.<\/p>\n
Where are you coming across these photos? Are you being tagged on social media? You can control what you see, to an extent, by changing your social media settings so that no one can tag you or by telling people not to share the photos they took of you.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t know the photo exists, it may not bother you as much.<\/p>\n
Some of this is about self-love and acceptance. I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve heard before that often the way we look to ourselves doesn\u2019t always match up to the way other people see us. That may be a cold comfort, but it\u2019s important to remember that you\u2019re being invited to these gatherings because your friends and loved ones want you there. They take pictures of you because they appreciate your presence and want to remember you as you are.<\/p>\n
Again, you don\u2019t have to submit to photos if you don\u2019t want to. But remember that not everyone is seeing what you\u2019re seeing in these photos. Some people are seeing only a person that they love and want to have around.<\/p>\n
Dear Eric: Our son recently went through a heartbreaking and contentious divorce. There is a young child involved and joint custody has been determined.<\/p>\n
Our contact with the former spouse is nonexistent although we regularly care for, spend time with and dearly love our grandchild.<\/p>\n
I have been struggling with what to do with the many photos displayed in our home (engagement, wedding, family of three) of a family of three that is no longer a unit. We have other children who are happily married with kids of their own and our home has happily been filled with photos and portraits in every room. It hurts to have empty spots for our son.<\/p>\n
I know it bothers our son to view photos of happier times when he visits. His ex is no longer in his life or ours. So why is this a problem for me?<\/p>\n
\u2013 Picture Imperfect<\/p>\n
Dear Picture: You\u2019re free to display whatever photos you want in your home, of course, but it\u2019s kind and conscientious to think about your son\u2019s experience when he\u2019s over. And it makes sense that you wouldn\u2019t want visual reminders of a situation that has been painful for the whole family.<\/p>\n
One graceful solution is to find the parts of the photos that still have positive meaning for you and to edit them. You don\u2019t need a graphic design degree; scissors will do the trick. Or for photos that can\u2019t be trimmed, you might consider scanning them or uploading them to a photo printing site and cropping the photo until only your son or son and grandchild remain.<\/p>\n
This won\u2019t work for every photo. The engagement photos, unfortunately, have to go. But that doesn\u2019t mean you have to look at a blank spot on the wall. Replace each old photo with a new one. You might use older photos that you have of your son and grandchild, or photos you haven\u2019t printed out yet from your phone or a camera.<\/p>\n
Or you might ask your son specifically: \u201cI have two 4-by-6-inch frames and two 8-by-10 inch frames with your name on it. Would you send me some photos to put in them?\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not possible nor is it practical to erase the past. One or two photos of the ex might remain, in a large full family photo, for instance. This is fine. But if some of the photos are sites of pain, you have the ability to shift what\u2019s in the frame.<\/p>\n
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Eric: I have a problem with our camera-happy world. Plain and simple: I do not photograph well.…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":444877,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[8345,45110,114,139,141,140,109,106],"class_list":["post-444876","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-orlando","tag-advice","tag-asking-eric","tag-latest-headlines","tag-orlando","tag-orlando-headlines","tag-orlando-news","tag-social","tag-things-to-do"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444876","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=444876"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444876\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/444877"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=444876"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=444876"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-fl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=444876"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}