If there is one cultural touchstone that almost every millennial shares, it’s Spice Girls-mania. My personal icon, idol, and heroine was Posh Spice, aka Victoria Beckham. She was feminine and chic, everything I aspired to be. I had a poster of her on the ceiling above my bed. So it is very difficult for me to accept, or even imagine, a world in which she could ever be the villain.
But that’s what her 26-year-old son, Brooklyn Beckham, wants us to believe. And the more I think about it, the more I think we—whether as his fans or fans of his parents—owe him our belief, or at least our benefit of the doubt, as extreme as his break from his parents might seem from the outside.
On the Today show, hosts Jenna Bush Hager and Sheinelle Jones discussed the drama and offered a different take. The co-hosts wondered aloud whether or not Brooklyn should have aired his grievances toward his family so openly. Ideally, these matters are dealt with privately between the people involved.
But I wonder if the people scolding Brooklyn have thought about the fact he may have already tried, and that it’s entirely possible his parents have repeatedly violated his boundaries in an attempt to reconnect. Maybe he felt that the most extreme measures were necessary for his parents—who, let’s face it, are probably used to getting their way—to get the message.
Bush Hager also said something that stuck in my head. “This is the first time where I’m like, ‘I’m Team Mom,'” she added. “I have a soft spot for parents because it’s not easy.”
Hey, I’m a mom, too, and I am a firm believer that we are all really trying our very best. But I’m not really “Team Mom” on this one. I’m not really team anyone, and I don’t think anyone should be publicly picking sides. There’s a lot to unpack here.
Why Brooklyn Beckham Is Estranged From His Parents
In a series of Instagram stories posted to his account, Brooklyn accused famous parents of a wide-range of offenses: His mother promised to design wife Nicola Peltz’s wedding dress, then backed out; that she danced inappropriately with him at the wedding causing a scene that he calls uncomfortable and humiliating.
He goes on to write that his parents “endlessly tried to ruin his relationship” with Peltz, tried to “bribe” him into signing the rights away to his famous last name, and encouraged his brothers to attack him on social media and eventually block him entirely.
“I don’t want to reconcile with my family,” he states definitively in the post. “I have been controlled by my parents most of my life. I grew up with overwhelming anxiety,” he writes later.
Of course, the accusations are troubling to a public who has long revered the family, which also includes dad David Beckham, and siblings Romeo, 23, Cruz, 20, and Harper, 14.
Young People Can Struggle to Form an Identity Independent of Their Parents
All we can do is speculate about what went really down between Brooklyn and his family, so I’m not even going to bother. The point is, Brooklyn is clearly hurt, feels that the only way for him to achieve independence and an identity of his own is to separate from his family, and is tired of living in his parents’ shadow. This scenario is one that many young adults go through; we are just experiencing Brooklyn’s break from mom and dad publicly.
Many kids around Brooklyn’s age are trying to figure out who they are, what they want to do, and who they want to love, without their parents’ influence. That’s true even in the most loving families. This process can leave both parents and kids feeling at least temporarily lonely, insulted, or rejected. It’s not at all uncommon or abnormal.
Failure Is Unavoidable in Parenting but How You Handle It Matters
Duh, parenting is a hard job. But in fact, it is possible to get things wrong. We hurt our kids in ways we don’t intend and don’t even realize, all the time.
That’s kind of hard to hear, I’m sure, but even the most well-intentioned parents will do something to make our kids angry or pull away from us. It doesn’t matter if we think it’s justified or not! It’s just the way they feel, and it’s part of the job description to take responsibility for causing hurt and honor their feelings.
Parents have to try to hear their kids out during these tough conversations about how we, yes, might have failed in certain aspects of raising them. Parents with strong connections to their kids respect that they have a different perspective on how they were raised.
Sometimes their kids will even ask for an apology, which seems to be really challenging for many parents, but they should not hesitate to do so.
I cannot imagine how I would feel if one day my daughter told me that she needed space (though hopefully not on her Instagram stories). I would be devastated. Heartbroken. But if I wanted her to someday come back to me, I would have no choice but to take her desire to be left alone, to become her own woman, seriously.
Right now, it does not seem that Brooklyn is interested in having a relationship with his parents. I doubt that was a decision he came to easily or lightly, and I wish I could hug Victoria, who I can only imagine is grieving the once close relationship she had with her oldest child.
We can have empathy for both parties—for parents who thought they made all the right choices, and for the kids who disagree. But families with the strongest bonds always circle back to each other—and let’s hope that what happens here.