STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Every Halloween, I go for the sugar-shock factor. Not the gore — I keep it real to my life’s food commitment with culinary couture. One year I was an Oreo. Another, a cow. The udders were disturbingly realistic, and I learned a lot that year—mostly never to be a cow again.
I almost went as an elephant this year—get it? I’d be the elephant in the room! But then I thought… this could get political. And those of us in the writing profession with an occasional sense of humor are already misunderstood. I can just hear it now, “Hey, Big Gal. Does your trunk lean to the left or right?”
Being a bee with Igor Yaklov at Beezy Bees in Mariners Harbor at Sweet Brook Nursery. (Advance/SILive.com | Pamela Silvestri)
So, right after Halloween last year I took my cue from the bees. I bought not one, not two, but three bee costumes. One’s a buzz. Two? Taking a line from an old Almond Joy ad here — because sometimes you feel like a nut. And a pack of three? It becomes a full-blown swarm of killer bees. I brought them all to a family reunion and after a bunch of wine it pollinated a good time.
I test-drove the look during a Facebook Live at Igor Yaklev’s Beezy Bees, right as pumpkin lattes made their seasonal debut. It was an empowering experience — Queen Bee right there in Mariners Harbor talking up food all deadpan.
Halloween-themed donuts by talented Maria Yandoli can be found at Heartland Bagels 2 in Rossville.
Relevant Fun Fact: Pamela means “sweet as honey” in Greek. So clearly, this year’s bee theme isn’t just a costume—it’s a prophecy. If SNL were funny again, this would be a full-on nostalgic skit channeling one’s inner John Belushi and Elliott Gould. Badum bum.
During COVID, here was a bit of pumpkin humor.
But anyway — Halloween isn’t just about costumes. And for those of you who came here to read about food: it’s about candy. Specifically, leftover candy you have no idea what to do with.
For those of us who grew up in the ’70s, there’s a conversation starter baked right in: Do we mourn the loss of apples with pennies and nickels inside? Nothing screams “Halloween nostalgia” louder at the kitchen table like biting into produce and finding loose change — or fearing razor blades, for that classic suburban horror trope vibe. (Eek.)
Candy corn is turned into a martini at Dani’s Bistro in Tottenville. Pamela Silvestri
Connecting to Your Inner Candy Cynic
Let’s talk strategy:
Put out candy you hate. I promise you will not eat it.Or put out candy people actually want. Donn’t worry: they’ll bite.Post “Hours of Operation” to give off DMV vibes. Hide inside with an airhorn.Put of a bucket o’ rules: “Take one” is too nice. Try: “Take two or I’ll bite your head off. Tee hee.” Or “Have mustache, won’t treat.”Install a fake security camera. Or duct-tape a baby monitor to a tree.
Well, that’s about it. I’m saving the rest of my word energy for a swarm of bee jokes this weekend.
Whether you’re dressed just like me or transformed into a snack-sized cynic, just remember: A moment on the lips is forever on the hips — and possibly in your freezer until next year’s Halloween fun.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.