If your favourite paedophile financier has cashed in his chips for the last time and sponging your way round the Middle East might not always be a safe bet, what’s a girl to do?
Faced with such a relatable dilemma, Sarah Ferguson came up with a solution we will politely describe as novel: cash in on the corgis. According to the Mail on Sunday, in May 2023, eight months after Queen Elizabeth’s death, Fergie went to Hollywood. Tasked by the late Queen with taking care of her two corgis, Sandy and Muick, she had a bright idea: she would monetise them instead. She would create, and then flog, genetically cloned corgis. Instead of enjoying a life of love and retirement, Sandy and Muick would be crated up and flown to America, where genetic cloning is legal but carries the risk of terrible abnormalities.
Ferguson — who once claimed that Queen Elizabeth was communicating with her from beyond the grave via her dogs — would be filmed on her cloning journey, as they say, for a reality TV show. The idea was discussed at various lunches and dinners in LA and got as far as a synopsis written up by producers at Halcyon Studios and reproduced by the Mail on Sunday in full. You may like to read it through your fingers.
“When Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, is bequeathed two of the Queen’s beloved corgis, she decides to embark on a bold and controversial business venture — cloning the royal pups. But as she navigates the complex world of genetics and royal protocol, Sarah must also grapple with her own personal demons and strained relationship with the royal family.
“Fergie was thrilled to learn that she had been remembered in the Queen’s will but surprised to learn that rather than jewellery or money, the Queen left her two of her beloved corgis. At 63, Fergie finds herself like so many other people facing a dramatic change in economic outlook later in life — needing to make money!”
Ferguson’s income, the producers add, has been “dramatically impacted” by King Charles cutting his brother Andrew’s allowance but the solution, she evidently told them, was to set up a company called The Queen’s Corgis. The company would clone them and sell them to other dog lovers around the world, the synopsis continues. “But as she dives deeper into the world of genetics and cloning, Fergie realises that her business venture is not without controversy… As the series unfolds, viewers will be taken on a journey through the fascinating world of genetics and cloning as well as the inner workings of the royal family. They will witness the highs and lows of Fergie’s business venture, and see how her determination and resilience are put to the test. But ultimately, they will be left with a sense of hope and wonder as they witness the incredible bond between humans and animals and the enduring legacy of the Queen’s beloved corgis.”
To be fair to Ferguson, in a life devoted to making the mind boggle, she’s clearly saved the best till what the Palace can only pray is last. If “hope and wonder” are what courtiers feel about her cashing in on the late Queen, then hopefully they will share it. Perhaps even now they are marvelling that the woman who came bottom of the class at typing school planned to try her hand at gene editing. Or that she evidently thought she was in with a chance for some cash in the late Queen’s will, or perhaps a passing tiara. No doubt she promised producers a few reminiscences about Princess Diana, and some fond reflections on her dear friend King Charles, and Bob’s your uncle: that’ll be a fat fee for Fergie and £75,000 a pop for the dogs, of which she’ll need quite a few.
The royal corgis at Windsor on the day of Queen Elizabeth’s funeralREUTERS/Peter Nicholls/Pool
Seventy-five grand won’t go far in Fergie World, it may even only get you a slap-up birthday party. Even Hollywood producers, who have surely seen it all before, thought the idea was a “bold and controversial business venture”, although the Palace might phrase it rather differently.
“Bizarre as it sounds,” the TV executive told the Mail, “the idea of cloning was discussed.” Just as King Charles was being crowned in London — an occasion she announced she wouldn’t be going to because as a royal divorcee “you’re either in or out” — she landed in LA with a sign saying “I used to be royal, pay me!”
Meanwhile in Surrey it’s been revealed that Prince Edward, who pays a peppercorn rent on his vast mansion, rents out his converted stables for up to £130,000 a year, money which some MPs argue should go to the taxpayer. And over in Florida, Edo Mapelli Mozzi, is uncharacteristically busy promoting himself and his company on Instagram, with curiously little mention of his wife, Princess Beatrice. It seems safe to assume that whatever he chats to Palm Beach housewives about over cocktails and canapes, it isn’t life with the in-laws.
A spokesman for Ferguson said that she declined the offer. So in the end the corgi cloning project was abandoned. No doubt one day we’ll discover why.