It’s official. Joan and I are old.
Younger people open doors for us, give up their seats on buses and subways, let us ahead of them on line.
It’s sweet, in a way. I’m not insulted. They see grey hair and they make their assumptions. At least they were properly raised. One time, I refused the offer from a younger man who obviously was coming home from work. “Stay seated, you worked all day,” I told him with a smile. He looked confused.
I’m sure it makes folks feel like they’ve done something good when they offer you their seat. That’s okay. It’s a wonderful gesture that shows respect for aging, and that’s a good thing.
I’m not sure how folks feel about older people asking for a seat. Maybe some find it annoying.
Anyway, I bring this up because it slightly altered my opinion about aging. As I’ve said countless times, I am happy to have grown older because it is a gift (and it is a gift) denied to many, especially to some of my friends who passed away at ages younger than mine. I never seem to be able to get past that one. It never makes sense to me. The joke is that “old” is 15 years older than you are now (so, for me, 90). But to pass away before then…it hurts the heart.
Cancer took a lot of my loved ones, so I donate to Stand Up To Cancer because I want the research to continue. But, sometimes, a dear one passes just because they didn’t take care of themselves or were more involved in taking care of someone else. Two of my friends recently passed from that and it makes me both angry and sad.
According to the National Institute of Aging, there are several misconceptions about older people.
Depression is not a normal part of aging, but some older people feel isolated, which can lead to depression and physical and mental decline. Older people need the same amount of sleep, although I know for some of us that’s hard to accomplish with frequent trips to the bathroom. We can experience and learn many new things, such as how to paint or play a musical instrument or figure out how to work the apps on our brand new phone. Dementia, likewise, is not necessarily associated with aging. Sometimes genetic factors weigh in, as they do with Alzheimer’s. Exercise and physical activity are encouraged, within the body’s limits. Fifty-two million drivers are over the age of 65 (I’m one of them). Osteoporosis affects both men and women. Quitting smoking, drinking and other unhealthy habits are encouraged at any age. If your blood pressure goes down while taking medication, keep taking it. Many folks are fooled into thinking they can stop when their symptoms decrease or disappear. They’re disappearing because you’re treating them.
Do I like that at 75 I have four medications that I take daily when three years ago I had none? No. But, I recognize the fact that as I age, I need more, not less, help to thrive. Asking for that help may be difficult for some of us, but it is necessary. It’s almost the same as accepting that seat on a bus or subway. It’s an acknowledgment of a kindness and also your tendency to become frailer as you age.
But it’s mostly the assumptions other folks make about me and my fellow elders that bother me no end. That we’re not as smart as we once were. That we need to be spoken to slowly and in a loud voice. That we don’t know how to swipe a bank or credit card. That we can’t make up our minds about things.
That we’re politically/sexually/socially backward and “just don’t get” what the “kids” are putting down. Nonsense. If you haven’t been living in a bunker for the last 10 years, if you have friends who are younger or if you have children or grandchildren, you know exactly what’s going on. You may not like a lot of what you see and hear, but that’s not the same as being unaware of things.
Joan and I were strolling through TJ Maxx the other day. Some stores have very interesting playlists. I hit the Shazam button quite a few times to discover that the last three tracks I heard were not from the same artist. Pardon my ignorance, younger readers, but to these ears Zara Larsson, Astrid S and Arlo Parks sound exactly the same. And, curse those algorithms, the drum beat on each of their songs was exactly the same, like there was only one drum machine setting for an entire stable of artists. I can tell the difference between Taylor Swift, Chappell Roan and Billie Ellish, but, to me, too many of the newer artists sound pre-fabricated and nondescript. Sixty years ago, nobody had trouble distinguishing between the Beatles, the Stones, the Kinks and the Who. But, maybe, that was because songwriting was more of a craft and less cut and paste. And, for G-d’s sake, can we have just ONE song that doesn’t just dead stop but comes to a satisfying end, maybe on the tonic?
Whoa…did I just sound like an old guy yelling about how music was SO much better in his day than now? How the kids are all listening to crap and should listen to music from his younger days?
Yes. Yes, I did. And, you know why? Because, 60 years later, we’re still listening to the Beatles, the Who and the Stones, but I bet you can’t tell me who won best new artist at this year’s Grammys!
(It was Chappell Roan!)
Maybe it’s not the amount of grey in your hair but your state of mind that determines how old you are. In any case, hold those magnificent grey heads high and save me a seat on the bus!
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