We locate our official SantaCon guide for the day, Christopher Hardwick, a 39-year-old actor and Burning Man aficionado, who’s dressed as his alter ego, Dandy Cane: forest green tux, matching top hat, a beard full of emerald glitter. After he finishes judging an impromptu (and relatively mild) twerking contest between two twentysomething lady Santas, the bullhorn-wielding, self-described “funmeister” hands Porges and me our complimentary VIP fast passes, which will allow us to cut the line at any of the 58 bars, clubs, and restaurants participating in SantaCon this year. (A VIP ticket normally runs $360.)
Hardwick, who’s based in Manhattan, introduces us to a group of his friends and associates, including Shelton Lindsay, a 38-year-old bearded individual wearing a giant pickle costume. “I love anything that’s sort of like a debauched, hedonistic expression of joy, especially one that starts early in the morning,” says Lindsay, a “queer multi-disciplinary creative” and SantaCon veteran from Brooklyn. “To be clear, I’m also, like, mostly sober.”
I ask Hardwick about the public perception of SantaCon, which, it should be noted, benefits a variety of charities. “Today, 1010 WINS finally said only nice things about SantaCon,” he says, referring to the local AM news station. “I’ve listened to it for literally the last 20 years, and they would just bash it, saying it’s filled with drunks and fighting people. But the narrative has changed.”
Alas, this sentiment is undercut by a Colin Jost zinger on “Weekend Update” that very night: “Health officials are reporting a surge in ‘winter vomiting disease,’ which is better known as”—cut to an image of a reveler barfing on the sidewalk—“SantaCon.”
Turns out that the 22-year-olds are all packed into the LandShark Bar & Grill, on the fourth floor of the Times Square Margaritaville, an official SantaCon venue. The bar is adjoined by a rooftop pool terrace, but when we arrive, the patio is closed, and the crush of Santas—predominantly clean-cut white bros—is getting restless. “Open the pool!” someone yells.