When I enrolled in Queen\u2019s in the spring of 2022, I expected to graduate in 2026\u2014exactly 70 years after my late grandmother did. I had already begun packing boxes to move out of my university house when I received an e-mail saying that I wasn\u2019t graduating.<\/p>\n
What was supposed to be a simple timetable adjustment turned into a back-and-forth with the English Department over how it didn\u2019t matter that I wouldn\u2019t receive a replacement course because I wasn\u2019t graduating. I was already cramming six courses into the semester so I could graduate, but I was unknowingly missing multiple required credits in both of my degree plans.<\/p>\n
The weight of the reality that I wasn\u2019t graduating hit me like a freight train. I was at work trying to count cash tills and kept bursting into tears. I was confused, angry and more than anything, disappointed in myself\u2014a recurring feeling that I thought graduating would free me from.<\/p>\n
I went home that night and cried a few more times but took the weekend to sort out my feelings. Four years of university was only one of the expectations I had painted for my life, and adding an extra year threw everything off track.<\/p>\n
My whole life I had expected university to be this wonderful experience where I make life-long friends and meet my life partner. As a child, every summer, my family went camping with my parents\u2019 college friends and their own kids. I would listen to the stories they recounted around the fire and dream of the stories I would get to tell one day.<\/p>\n
Just this past spring, my brother married his long-term girlfriend, who lived down the hall from him in first-year residence at Carleton University.<\/p>\n
When it was my turn to leave for university, I learned very quickly that my experience wouldn\u2019t be the same. I lived in a single room in Leonard Hall, which I needed after spending a whole year in my bedroom during COVID, and my attempts to socialize went unnoticed.<\/p>\n
My first night at Queen\u2019s a bunch of the girls on my floor were in the common room talking, and I distinctly remember being somehow cut out of the semi-circle they formed in the kitchen. I was blocked from leaving and could only watch as they ignored me.<\/p>\n
I never spoke to any of them again after that.<\/p>\n
My remaining years at Queen\u2019s went similarly underwhelmingly in the social field. I had acquaintances in classes but the furthest we went was exchanging Instagrams. I found a consistent sense of not belonging in any conversations I had.<\/p>\n
I wasn\u2019t spending my summers in Italy or France, nor did I \u00a0spend my winter breaks in Quebec skiing. At the same time, my grades slipped further as my mental health worsened and undiagnosed ADHD consumed my life. Eventually, I stopped talking in classes at all, assuming I was just too dumb to add any meaningful comments to a lecture.<\/p>\n
I love Kingston, but I began to resent Queen\u2019s. I needed so desperately to escape, which made not graduating feel ever so devastating.<\/p>\n
I had grand plans of working this summer and then moving in with my best friend from home. A best friend that I had known mostly from a distance, because we became friends just before 2020. Years of FaceTimes and hours-long phone calls would come to an end. I could finally have some fun as a young adult.<\/p>\n
So much for that.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve always been an idealistic person, imagining a highly unattainable future that I would make a reality. It\u2019s shifted plenty as I grow older, and I unknowingly lost that sense of making the impossible possible.<\/p>\n
My best friend recently came to Kingston for a few days, something she hasn\u2019t done in a few years. As she sat at my desk and I on my bed, in a room I\u2019ve lived in for three years\u2014soon to be four, our conversation shifted to our futures. She asked what my goals were\u2014what my dreams were. A question I\u2019ve never been asked, to which the answers I always held so tightly to my chest and never shared. A question I now can\u2019t find an answer to.<\/p>\n
I had gotten lost in my low self-esteem, and the dreams in my heart were dismantled by my brain. I couldn\u2019t imagine myself achieving them when all my peers were so much more deserving.<\/p>\n
When she went home, I was left to think. And I figured it out.<\/p>\n
I sprang into action with a new philosophy. I now have a year and a half left in Kingston, a town I have grown to love so much, and I intend to take advantage of that.<\/p>\n
To start, I talked to my doctor and was put on much needed anti-depressants to aid my ADHD medication and filled out disability forms to get accommodations in class. I went from six classes to three, dropping two film production classes that I knew would hinder my attempts to repair my mental health. And most importantly, I received guidance on what exact courses I needed to graduate so I wouldn\u2019t be blindsided again.<\/p>\n
With all my spare time, I have more clarity in my brain to think and less guilt to enjoy hobbies. I\u2019ve picked up cross-stitching, and have dedicated more time to embroidery and writing\u2014something I\u2019d pretty much stopped doing because I felt guilty wasting time.<\/p>\n
I still spend too much time playing video games, but I can now play without a constant sense of dread.<\/p>\n
As a Film major, I\u2019ve never watched so many films in such a short time. Suddenly, I\u2019ve tapped into the four years of analysis and found an actual desire to apply my education to my consumption through a journal of movie and TV show episode reviews.<\/p>\n
As an English major, I still hate poetry. But I want to try reading again for enjoyment, not just education or to prepare for an essay.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t need an excess of stories to tell my kids about my time at Queen\u2019s, nor how I met their father here. I think my story of perseverance and refusing to give up would be more meaningful.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll still live with my best friend, but in 2027 instead of 2026. We\u2019ll make it work, just like we can make living four hours apart for five years work.<\/p>\n
University is different for everyone, an anecdote I\u2019ve shared before. I\u2019m grateful to have another year in Kingston and at Queen\u2019s to see the changes I intend to make in my life. I look forward to graduating with a mindset that isn\u2019t looking for an escape, but a grounded end to a significant chapter in my life.<\/p>\n
Tags<\/p>\n
\n Academics<\/a>, Postscript<\/a>, Student life<\/a> <\/p>\n All final editorial decisions are made by the Editor(s) in Chief and\/or the Managing Editor. Authors should not be contacted, targeted, or harassed under any circumstances. If you have any grievances with this article, please direct your comments to journal_editors@ams.queensu.ca<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"When I enrolled in Queen\u2019s in the spring of 2022, I expected to graduate in 2026\u2014exactly 70 years…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":162290,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[47073,9,24,63,11831,122,124,123,23347],"class_list":["post-162289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-queens","tag-academics","tag-new-york","tag-new-york-city","tag-nyc","tag-postscript","tag-queens","tag-queens-headlines","tag-queens-news","tag-student-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162289","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=162289"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162289\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/162290"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=162289"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=162289"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=162289"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}