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I was enjoying the wonderful new Battle of Brooklyn exhibit running all year at the Center for Brooklyn History on Pierrepont Street when I heard a familiar voice behind me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey used to call this joint the Brooklyn Historical Society.\u201d It was Chet, announcing to a large crowd of what I later learned were Manhattanites who had gathered around him. I pulled my hat down lower and followed at a discrete distance.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut then the Society members all died during Covid,\u201d he explained, \u201cand they owed a lot of money for overdue books, so the Brooklyn Public Library took it over.\u201d<\/p>\n
One of the non-Brooklynites raised her hand. \u201cI\u2019m confused,\u201d she began, \u201cI thought the Library did away with collecting fines a while ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
Chet laughed. \u201cNo, that was just Manhattan because the rich there have good attorneys, so why fight them in court to get those fines? Now turning to Brits versus Rebels\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s ridiculous,\u201d a forty-something black guy said to me softly as the crowd moved along. \u201cWhere did they get this guy from, the Academy of Morons?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, Red Hook,\u201d I sighed.<\/p>\n
Chet stopped in front of a big map showing the handful of roads and major passes that led through the hills of Colonial Brooklyn with a legend that explained the importance of the Old Stone House.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow, here we have the explanation of how America defeated Europe.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ignoring protests of \u201cit\u2019s the other way round\u201d and \u201cdid he say just say Europe?\u201d Chet took out his laser pointer and its red dot landed on an image of the house.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow here is the Gowanus Canal behind the house and over here is Third Avenue.\u201d He turned to face his audience.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd so the Britains invaded from the rear, while in the non-rear, the Americans were battling the thousands of troops marching quickly up Third Avenue because they didn\u2019t have to wait for any traffic being diverted from the Gowanus Expressway\u2014that hadn\u2019t been invented yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
The crowd was now visibly stirring and talking among themselves. Chet\u2019s humor works in Sunny\u2019s Bar but here, he was dying, so he spoke louder.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then, near Third Street not too far from Whole Foods, there was this house owned by a Dutch guy, Cortelyou. He later moved to Ditmas Park, a much hipper place, and named it Cortelyou Road in honor of his old house \u2026 which had a lot of stone in it, by the way. And since nobody could spell Cortelyou too good, they called it the Old Stone House and \u2026 .\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWho cares!\u201d A woman carrying a Zabar\u2019s bag shouted. \u201cWhat about that house! What happened there?\u201d
\u201cI\u2019ll tell you what happened there,\u201d Chet shouted back. \u201cIt was the only battle in Gowanus that didn\u2019t involve organized crime!\u201d<\/p>\n
Shocked silence.<\/p>\n
Chet continued. \u201cThis regiment from Maryland, 400 guys, were surrounded, see, and the Brits were firing on them from the stoned Cortelyou so they said, what the hell, let\u2019s make that house our Alamo and they charged into volleys of fire, took the house and held off all them redcoats until they were almost all slaughtered or captured. Some swam the Gowanus, the last to do so and survive. Anyway, the British were tired, but happy, so they began celebrating and got drunk and stuff and forgot to keep going and wipe out all the Americans. That gave Washington\u2019s army enough time to retreat and eventually cross over the East River bridges into Manhattan that night where there was much better dining.\u201d<\/p>\n
The crowd, exasperated, began walking away.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t forget now, I\u2019m a volunteer, so your tip will help a lot and keep me in beers for a while.\u201d
The Zabar\u2019s lady, now incensed, marched to the reception desk and loudly demanded her money back but was told the exhibit is free.<\/p>\n
\u201cWait!\u201d Chet blurted, walking briskly towards the entrance. \u201cIs that my friend out there on Pierrepont? Yeah, that\u2019s him, be right back.\u201d Chet then bolted into a mad dash out the door and down the block.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re wrong, insisted Zabar\u2019s, \u201cit\u2019s not free! I paid that idiot who just ran out of here five dollars.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry, ma\u2019am, he doesn\u2019t work here. He told us he\u2019s doing some sort of community service at a shelter called Sunny\u2019s, so you might find him there.\u201d<\/p>\n
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