A severe Met dressing-down<\/p>\n
We speak of the Metropolitan Museum of whateverthehell it has become.<\/p>\n
Every female at the gala\u00a0was dressed<\/a>\u00a0ready to go to the john.<\/p>\n No bra, no girdle, no skintight underwear, no respect.<\/p>\n No lifting anything, no wriggling out of anything. A zipper only belonged to the elderly gent springing for the tab.<\/p>\n Wriggling out of anything tight? Naah.\u00a0Because how each was dressed<\/a>\u00a0all the necessary parts were available.<\/p>\n Fie on drawers, girdles, slips, bras. Everyone\u2019s entire plumbing ability guaranteed instant accessibility.<\/p>\n Shove jewelry. You just stuck a candle in someone\u2019s navel.<\/p>\n Even my dog knows enough to wear a bellyband.<\/p>\n Underwear is now outerwear.<\/p>\n Next year, forget a handbag \u2014 just bring a tweezer.<\/p>\n When the angel Gabriel came to be blessed \u2014 even he wore more.<\/p>\n On the side lines<\/p>\n A FEW remarks one may have repeated and overheard at galas, years past and imagined:<\/p>\n Hunter Biden: \u201cThat was not my computer.\u201d<\/p>\n Wrong Way Corrigan: \u201cI told you, take a left.\u201d<\/p>\n Sitting Bull: \u201cWhat\u2019s that? I booked a sofa.\u201d<\/p>\n The Tonys statuette: \u201cThis is WHAT?!\u201d<\/p>\n \t\t\t\t\t\t\tGet opinions and commentary from our columnists\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tSubscribe to our daily Post Opinion newsletter!\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n \t\t\t\t\t\tThanks for signing up!\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n Elon Musk: \u201cPlease, a penny earned is a billion lost.\u201d<\/p>\n Bill Clinton: \u201cI don\u2019t know what you\u2019re accusing me of, but whatever it is I didn\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/p>\n Former Prince\u00a0Andrew, Duke of York: \u201cEpstein who?\u201d<\/p>\n New Jersey\u2019s ex-Sen.\u00a0Menendez: \u201cBut the gold bricks were small.\u201d<\/p>\n Driverless Tesla occupant: \u201cListen, just back up.\u201d<\/p>\n Bill de Blasio: \u201cSo which way is uptown?\u201d<\/p>\n MTA chairman: \u201cNo, $20 is not too much to pay for one stop to 59th Street.\u201d<\/p>\n Tourist: \u201cWhere\u2019d you say Saks Fifth once was?\u201d<\/p>\n Diddy: \u201cNo, not Rambo \u2014 bimbo.\u201d<\/p>\n