In a dating world where an unanswered text can spark a full-blown spiral \u2014 and a single Instagram \u201clike\u201d on a hot stranger\u2019s photo feels like betrayal \u2014 a new romantic archetype is quietly winning over New York City women: the \u201cLuddite boyfriend.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Luddite boyfriend is a modern lover who keeps his digital footprint to a minimum \u2014 ditching social media and dialing down screen time in favor of real-life connection<\/a>.<\/p>\n In relationship terms? A certified green flag, according to single women.<\/p>\n Think less thirst traps, more \u201cdoesn\u2019t know what a follower count is.\u201d And, of course, TikTokkers are all over it.<\/p>\n Across the app, women are soft-launching these offline boyfriends<\/a> with captions like<\/a>: \u201cYou guys I did it \u2014 I found a man that doesn\u2019t use Instagram\u201d and \u201cThis is your sign to date the man who doesn\u2019t have an Instagram account.\u201d<\/p>\n And in NYC dating culture \u2014 where relationships can sometimes feel like a mix of branding exercise and soft launch strategy \u2014 the appeal is obvious.<\/a><\/p>\n Just ask Grace Hagan, 31, of Tribeca, who\u2019s dating what might be the poster man for the movement: a 29-year-old offline man named Bo.<\/p>\n Grace Hagan posing with her Luddite boyfriend, Bo Lamanna (L). Grace Hagan<\/p>\n Hagan, who has been dating her beau for three years, says she didn\u2019t even realize there was a name for the phenomenon she was already living in \u2014 but quickly saw the appeal went far beyond her partner\u2019s lack of social media.<\/p>\n \u201cThere are so many other things that drew me to my \u2018Luddite\u2019 partner and the no-tech thing just ended up being a bonus,\u201d she told The Post.<\/p>\n The rest, she says, was more old-fashioned: chemistry, humor, shared routines \u2014 and yes, a noticeable height advantage she didn\u2019t mind.<\/p>\n But the real shift came from what wasn\u2019t there<\/a>: the constant digital noise.<\/p>\n In past relationships, Hagan admits she\u2019d fall into the familiar NYC doom loop<\/a> \u2014 checking tagged photos, monitoring follows, and reading into every \u2018like\u2019 as if it was forensic evidence.<\/p>\n That entire mental spiral<\/a>, she says, is simply gone.<\/p>\n Her boyfriend, she explains, is \u201cbasically off the grid\u201d \u2014 with one notable exception: the Pittsburgh Steelers Reddit page.<\/p>\n Without that scrutiny, she says, the relationship feels calmer. No guessing games. No late-night Instagram autopsies. Just calm.<\/p>\n Hagan says she didn\u2019t even know there was a name for her boyfriend\u2019s offline lifestyle \u2014 just that his lack of social media was the cherry on top. Grace Hagan<\/p>\n Hagan says her man is \u201cabsolutely\u201d more present or emotionally available compared to her exes.<\/p>\n \u201cEven in small ways, like when we go out to eat, there\u2019s no \u2018phones eat first\u2019 moment,\u201d she said.\u00a0\u201cHe\u2019s just there, fully present. It sounds simple, but it really changes the energy.\u201d<\/p>\n Still, even a low-tech romance has its quirks. While he may be emotionally present, he is, according to Hagan, chronically out of the loop \u2014 unaware of engagements, pregnancies, birthdays and most major life updates among their friends and family often posted on social media \u2014 until she fills him in.<\/p>\n She believes the tradeoff is worth it, even during the period of long-distance between New York and San Francisco, where digital spiraling can be at its worst. \u201cI trust him completely, so it was never actually an issue.\u201d<\/p>\n Hagan says her beau is more present and engaged than other men she\u2019s dated. Grace Hagan<\/p>\n As Hagan would agree, there is lingering ambiguity around digital behavior<\/a> and what many consider acceptable online etiquette for men in relationships who are active on social media.<\/a><\/p>\n A man even having a social media account, many Gen Z and millennial women say, can create insecurity, particularly when it comes to questions of cheating and boundaries related to what constitutes it.<\/a><\/p>\n Actions like \u2018liking\u2019 photos of scantily-clad women, following certain X-rated accounts, or engaging in flirty DMs with other women have become gray areas that couples increasingly debate \u2014 with many young women questioning whether these behaviors cross the line into emotional cheating.\u00a0<\/p>\n In one viral video<\/a>, one user says, \u201cIf you\u2019re with a man who is outwardly liking other girls\u2019 photos on Instagram, you need to run.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n The creator further explained her belief that a taken guy double-tapping images of ladies in \u201cbikinis,\u201d or other \u201cpromiscuous photos,\u201d is \u201cdisrespectful\u201d to the woman he is with, and thousands of other women in the comments section agreed.\u00a0<\/p>\n In a similar post<\/a>, another TikTokker wrote, \u201cEvery time a guy with a girlfriend likes my post it makes me so sad for her.\u201d She continued, \u201cI just have to block him. My stomach hurts for her.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Even the mere presence of a social media account can introduce insecurity, as boundaries around what counts as fidelity online remain increasingly blurred.<\/p>\n Some men online, however, argue that a \u2018like\u2019 isn\u2019t cheating at all. One man on TikTok stressed<\/a>, \u201csimply liking a picture is not flirting.\u201d <\/p>\n