Jesus, how fucking stupid is this country for having elected the most obvious con man in America to the presidency not once, but twice? What, was his duplicitous nature not evident enough in his first term? Whatever. America is completely boned at this point, so we say let it ride. If our fellow citizens are going to insist on entrusting the most powerful position in the land to some dipshit con man from Queens, here are five more we can elect next.<\/p>\n
Jimmy \u201cTwo Fingers\u201d Russo<\/p>\n
Trust us, you don\u2019t want to know the etymology of this Astoria native\u2019s nickname. Two Fingers has enjoyed a nasty reputation among the local population since he got caught committing credit card fraud during his son\u2019s christening, which, as far as we\u2019re concerned, makes him about as qualified to be Commander in Chief as our current president.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Sal \u201cSlicky\u201d DiTomasso\u00a0<\/p>\n
This Forest Hills dope pusher has gotten busted numerous times for identity theft, and he also likes to hang around outside elementary schools trying to get kids hooked on heroin. Is it scummy? Yeah, of course, but we suppose it\u2019s still not as bad as bombing them, so we suppose we\u2019d vote for Slicky over Trump.<\/p>\n
Angelo \u201cLegs\u201d Greco<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re from Kew Gardens Hills, you\u2019ve probably come across Legs trying to hock counterfeit jewelry in between his many bouts of public masturbation on Kissena Boulevard. This behavior is certainly not something we would\u2019ve considered presidential in the past, but look where we are. Legs \u201828. You heard it here first, folks.<\/p>\n
Billy \u201cThe Kid\u201d Esposito<\/p>\n
Cute nickname. This guy sells bootleg blu-rays that don\u2019t work to unsuspecting passersby in Maspeth. Real cute. With that being said, we\u2019ll take a useless copy of The Scorpion King over a Trump Bible any day. Get this guy in the Oval Office.<\/p>\n
Donnie \u201cSmall Hands\u201d Trupinelli<\/p>\n
This creep is always trying to make crypto deals with people in the Jamaica Estates. Something about him seems really, really familiar, though, and we find ourselves more unsettled by him than any of the aforementioned con men. Honestly, let\u2019s not consider Small Hands. We\u2019re honestly terrified at the thought of him being President.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Jesus, how fucking stupid is this country for having elected the most obvious con man in America to…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":226383,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[88918,88919,9,24,63,88920,122,124,123,1069],"class_list":["post-226382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-queens","tag-con-men","tag-fuck-it","tag-new-york","tag-new-york-city","tag-nyc","tag-presidency","tag-queens","tag-queens-headlines","tag-queens-news","tag-trump"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/226382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=226382"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/226382\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/226383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=226382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=226382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=226382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}