{"id":324055,"date":"2026-08-18T14:54:12","date_gmt":"2026-08-18T14:54:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/324055\/"},"modified":"2026-08-18T14:54:12","modified_gmt":"2026-08-18T14:54:12","slug":"i-am-newark-airport-and-im-trying","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/324055\/","title":{"rendered":"I Am Newark Airport. And I’m Trying."},"content":{"rendered":"

As one of the 25 busiest airports in the world (no big deal), I don\u2019t have much time to read magazine articles. But when my buddy LaGuardia told me about a piece in the Atlantic<\/a> which named me\u2014Newark Airport\u2014the worst airport in the country, I had to grab a copy from one of my world-class newsstands<\/a>. And I gotta say, it kind of stung\u2014and not just because of the unflattering photos with way more linoleum than they needed to show. Look, I know I\u2019m not perfect. I turn 98 this October, so there are airports that are younger and flashier, with more USB ports and high-tech infrared toilets. But I\u2019m out here busting my terminals every day, and I think I deserve a little more respect.<\/p>\n

As one of the 25 busiest airports in the world (no big deal), I don\u2019t have much time to read magazine articles. But when my buddy LaGuardia told me about a piece in the Atlantic<\/a> which named me\u2014Newark Airport\u2014the worst airport in the country, I had to grab a copy from one of my world-class newsstands. And I gotta say, it kind of stung\u2014and not just because of the unflattering photos with way more linoleum than they needed to show. Look, I know I\u2019m not perfect. I turn 98 this October, so there are airports that are younger and flashier, with more USB ports and high-tech infrared toilets. But I\u2019m out here busting my terminals every day, and I think I deserve a little more respect. \u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026apparently, I\u2019m \u2018stressful.\u2019 Oh, you\u2019re stressed? Let\u2019s see you try to manage more than 49 million passengers a year flying on 50 different airlines.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014Newark Airport, as told to Adam Peltzman<\/p>\n

One complaint in the article: Apparently, I\u2019m \u201cstressful.\u201d Oh, you\u2019re stressed? Let\u2019s see you try to manage more than 49 million passengers a year flying on 50 different airlines. Think about how worked up you get after talking to one airline on the phone; now add 49 more, all of which have very repetitive hold music. So, yes, my cortisol levels do spike on occasion. And my schedule doesn\u2019t exactly allow me time for deep breathing and journaling (though I have started doing Pilates, and it\u2019s terrific).<\/p>\n

Another thing people say is that I have a lot of delays. I\u2019ll address that concern in a moment.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I appreciate your patience as we await the arrival of a connecting sentence.<\/p>\n

\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tStart Your Sunday Here<\/p>\n

Sign up for the Gist newsletter and ease into your Sunday morning with our editor-selected top stories and can\u2019t-miss reads\u2014a perfect pairing with your first cup of coffee.<\/p>\n

Okay, sometimes there are delays. Sue me\u2014I\u2019m moving more than 1,000 planes a day on only three runways. Anyway, is a delay the worst thing in the world? More time to grab a Taylor ham sandwich, if that\u2019s what you call it, or a pork roll, if that\u2019s what you call it. Or one of each, if you can\u2019t make up your mind about what to call it.<\/p>\n

But what really got my tarmacs in a bunch was the article saying that I have a lower Yelp rating than \u201cseveral nearby prisons.\u201d So I looked it up on my free WiFi after watching a brief ad. Turns out very few people Yelp their prison stays. Also, notice it didn\u2019t say I had a worse rating than all nearby prisons. Which means some people would rather be sentenced to 20-30 years at Newark Airport than their local penitentiary. And who could blame them? I have a 325-foot control tower, my own Amtrak stop, and a brand-spanking-new Jersey Mike\u2019s. Try getting an 8-inch chipotle chicken cheese steak in the big house, Yelpsters.<\/p>\n

Look, it\u2019s easy to pick on the old guy. I\u2019m a near-centenarian, so, yes, some of the equipment is sagging a bit. And sometimes my radar slips. Wait, what was I saying? Oh, right\u2014even at my advanced age, I still get \u2019em up every day. The planes, I mean. Plus, I\u2019ve had some work done. Have you seen the floor-to-ceiling windows in my gleaming new Terminal A<\/a>? Which, by the way, received the World\u2019s Best New Terminal Award from Skytrax, a major airport-evaluation firm. At the awards ceremony, I was sitting next to O\u2019Hare, who said I looked so sharp that I should be in pictures (I didn\u2019t brag that I\u2019ve had featured roles in Private Parts and Happy Gilmore 2, because I was trying to keep it classy). And there\u2019s more work to come: a Terminal B replacement procedure, a little nip and tuck, plus I\u2019m going solar, as the kids like to say.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The point is, I\u2019m getting better with age. And you know what else I\u2019ve got? Character, baby! Good stories. In 1935, my Building One\u2014which is still standing today\u2014was dedicated by Amelia Earhart, a pretty big name in the aviation world. And guess who had the country\u2019s first paved runway, first air traffic control center, first airport weather station and first airport post office? If you answered Denver International, then you really need to brush up on your aviation history.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

Look\u2014if you want a soulless, sanitized airport with all the bells and whistles, then you might want to swipe left when I pop up on Tripadvisor. But if you want an airport with grit, history, a blue-collar work ethic and a bit of Jersey attitude, then you know where find me: half in Newark and half in Elizabeth. And for crying out loud, don\u2019t believe everything you read about me. Come and see for yourself. Take a flight, grab a bite. I promise, EWR not going to regret it.\u00a0<\/p>\n