The new \u2018it guy\u2019 is not mysterious. He\u2019s not leaving you on read for 14 hours to \u201cseem busy.\u201d And he certainly isn\u2019t pretending he forgot your date was tonight.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s what the kids call chalant.<\/p>\n
The made-up dating term \u2014 essentially the opposite of nonchalant \u2014 is taking off across today\u2019s dating scene, with women increasingly declaring that they want a man who is openly interested, emotionally available and, dare we say, enthusiastic.<\/a><\/p>\n In other words: Forget playing it cool. New Yorkers want men who actually give a damn.<\/a><\/p>\n Think Travis Kelce cheering loudly for Taylor Swift at her concerts or Tom Holland gushing over Zendaya at their movie premieres \u2014 men who seem perfectly comfortable being publicly obsessed with the women they love.<\/p>\n For New Yorker Jason Henley, 34, being openly obsessed is kind of the point.<\/p>\n Henley has been with his girlfriend, Hannah Alderman, 32, for nearly four years \u2014 and has happily abandoned the idea that romance should be kept under wraps.<\/a><\/p>\n \u201cI absolutely identify as a \u2018chalant\u2019 man,\u2019\u201d Henley told The Post.<\/p>\n Jason Henley is openly \u201cchalant\u201d about his girlfriend, Hannah Alderman. Jason Henley and Hannah Alderman<\/p>\n Henley said he once felt pressure to play it cool because modern dating can make genuine affection feel \u201ccringe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve felt pressure to play it cool when dating as a man. I think it\u2019s hard not to when everything is labeled \u2018cringe\u2019 nowadays<\/a>,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n But after nearly four years with Alderman, he has little interest in pretending not to care.<\/p>\n \u201cBut I\u2019m also 34 and 4 years into the best relationship of my life so I\u2019ve given way to all that comes with \u2018corny\u2019 and romance and the softness of being tender in public and on social media,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cIt feels good to be proud of the person I\u2019m with and to let the world know it from the top of the mountain that my heart is hers to have,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n His Gothamite girlfriend is very much on board.<\/p>\n Alderman said she had dated nonchalant partners in the past and never stopped wanting the kind of passionate romance she grew up watching.<\/p>\n The duo are part of a bigger trend where single women prefer men who are openly enthusiastic about the person they\u2019re dating. Jason Henley and Hannah Alderman<\/p>\n \u201cI find it ironic that as young girls, we grow up watching Disney movies or rom coms where women are quite literally treated as princesses. Then, as we grow up and get older, some of that whimsy starts to fade and we settle for mediocre love along the way,\u201d Alderman told The Post.<\/p>\n These days, she knows exactly what she wants.<\/p>\n \u201cA \u2018chalant\u2019 partner looks like someone who gives a damn. He shows up no matter what. He loves me out loud and isn\u2019t afraid to be perceived as corny,\u201d Alderman told The Post.<\/p>\n For her, that openness translates into security.<\/p>\n \u201cIt means feeling absolutely secure in the relationship and having a solid foundation of trust. We talk through things, make each other feel celebrated, and can admit when we are wrong,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Henley believes \u2018chalant\u2019 dating also requires being comfortable with vulnerability \u2014 not simply showering someone with attention.<\/p>\n \u201cI think being \u2018chalant\u2019 comes from being in touch with a more feminine energy in yourself, a side that is softer and more lighthearted, a more whimsical, je ne sais quoi energy that grounds you in your ability to be unafraid of your emotions and your softness,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n Henley said he\u2019s more than happy to outwardly show off his love. Jason Henley and Hannah Alderman<\/p>\n For Henley, that is a far cry from the situationship-heavy dating culture he encountered before meeting Alderman.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve always felt like the modern situationship environment that dating is feels so toned down and lacking in any kind of substance<\/a>,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n And the couple isn\u2019t alone in wanting to retire the dating games.<\/p>\n NYC dating coach Niko Emanuilidis, who has built a following teaching men<\/a> how to cultivate what he calls \u201cdaddy energy,\u201d is firmly on Team Chalant.<\/p>\n As Emanuilidis previously told<\/a> The Post, \u201cDaddy energy is all about being your most authentic self.\u201d<\/p>\n Now, he thinks the era of deliberately withholding affection has officially run its course.<\/p>\n In a recent TikTok<\/a>, Emanuilidis declared that \u201cThe nonchalant dating approach needs to end in 2026.\u201d<\/p>\n The distinction, he argues, is that showing interest is only unattractive when it comes from insecurity and neediness. A confident man, by contrast, can tell a woman he likes her because he\u2019s not terrified of what happens if she doesn\u2019t feel the same way.<\/p>\n He later summed up the trend even more simply: \u201cWe need less nonchalantness in dating and more \u2018chalantness.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Dr. Sabrina Romanoff<\/a>, a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist and relationship expert at Hily Dating App, thinks that an appetite for open affection is a reaction to years of defensive dating.<\/p>\n \u201cChalant dating is resonating with so many young daters right now because people are fed up with the defensive and withholding dating cultural standard,\u201d Romanoff told The Post. <\/p>\n \u201cWithout taking a risk, showing your interest or care, it\u2019s impossible to truly make a connection.\u201d<\/p>\n And in a dating world where potential matches are only a swipe away, playing hard to get may actually make you easier to forget.<\/p>\n \u201cWith the ease of access for potential new connections, playing hard to get is no longer effective, and in fact may make it easier for a partner to overlook you,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n There\u2019s also a psychological payoff to knowing exactly where you stand.<\/a><\/p>\n \u201cThe most important benefit of dating someone who is \u2018chalant\u2019 is that it\u2019s emotionally safe and calming,\u201d Romanoff said. <\/p>\n \u201cSomeone who is \u2018chalant\u2019 tells you where they stand, makes their interest in you known, and in turn, doesn\u2019t keep you constantly guessing or on your toes.\u201d<\/p>\n Because sure, the romantic rollercoaster can be thrilling. But eventually, you\u2019re going to want to get off.<\/p>\n \u201cHaving to guess if they\u2019re in or out may seem exciting initially, but that rollercoaster gets old quickly, and eventually you\u2019ll want off that ride,\u201d Romanoff said.<\/p>\n Still, there is a line between chalant and please-call-my-mother-I-have-lost-the-plot.<\/p>\n Romanoff cautioned that too much enthusiasm too quickly can cross into love-bombing or boundary-pushing. Her prescription for early dating? Show interest without abandoning your own life.<\/p>\n Her advice is simple: Don\u2019t manufacture delayed texts or pretend you\u2019re too busy to care. Tell someone you enjoy spending time with them \u2014 then see what they do with that information.<\/p>\n Jae Marie views \u201cchalant\u201d men as those who are actually paying attention to the small things. Jae Marie<\/p>\n \u201cDo they get turned off? Good! This saves you so much time. Do they meet your \u2018chalant\u2019 with their own? Good, now you know you\u2019re on the same page,\u201d Romanoff said.<\/p>\n