{"id":343891,"date":"2026-09-11T12:17:27","date_gmt":"2026-09-11T12:17:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/343891\/"},"modified":"2026-09-11T12:17:27","modified_gmt":"2026-09-11T12:17:27","slug":"for-those-who-lost-loved-ones-on-9-11-cherishing-their-memories-can-help-ease-the-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/343891\/","title":{"rendered":"For those who lost loved ones on 9\/11, cherishing their memories can help ease the grief"},"content":{"rendered":"

The deaths of some 3,000 people killed on 9\/11 when the World Trade Center collapsed in lower Manhattan ripped apart families. The dead included firefighters, cops, business executives, office workers and others. They were also moms and dads, wives and husbands, sisters and brothers.<\/p>\n

For those left behind, the pain has not gone away, but with the passage of time many have found ways to live alongside the grief they still carry with them.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s grandpa?\u201d<\/p>\n

FDNY Lieutenant Kevin Dowdell charged into the South Tower with his Rescue 4 squad just before it fell. He and his team were working\u00a0 to free people from an elevator when the building came crashing down. No trace of him was ever found beyond a work tool engraved with his initials, his widow, Rose Ellen Dowdell, told the Daily News.<\/p>\n

The couple\u2019s two teen sons insisted on helping search for their father at Ground Zero. Rose Ellen gave her reluctant blessing and, as it turned out, working side by side with their fallen father\u2019s fellow firefighters enabled the two boys, 17 and 18 at the time,. to process some of their grief.<\/p>\n

\"TheThe family of fallen FDNY Firefighter Lt. Kevin Dowdell is pictured during Dowdell’s funeral on April 19, 2002. From left, Dowdell’s son, Patrick, his wife, Rose, and son, James. (John Roca for New York Daily News)<\/p>\n

The boys have since grown up to embrace public service themselves: James as a firefighter and older brother Patrick served in the military in Iraq and Afghanistan before joining a cybersecurity firm. Both are in their early 40s now, just a few years younger than their father was when he died at age 46.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s hard to express the change,\u201d Dowdell said of the past quarter-century. \u201cIt\u2019s been a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"AA portrait of Rose Dowdell and her husband, FDNY Firefighter Kevin Dowdell, who died on Sept. 11, 2001, is pictured at their home in Breezy Point, Queens, in 2006. (Debbie Egan-Chin \/ New York Daily News)<\/p>\n

Then, as now, Dowdell has focused on the positive. She takes solace in knowing that Kevin has several grandchildren, with another on the way. Rose Ellen, Kevin and James have made sure the kids know about their grandpa.<\/p>\n

The youngest, she says, tries to picture him looking down on them, as they\u2019ve been told, asking Dowdell,<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2018Where\u2019s Grandpa Kevin? Is he in heaven? How is he looking down? Is he lying on his belly?\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n

\"AA portrait of FDNY Firefighter Kevin Dowdell, who died on Sept. 11, 2001, is pictured at his family’s home in Breezy Point, Queens, in 2006. (Debbie Egan-Chin \/ New York Daily News)<\/p>\n

Her two sons are \u201cgreat fathers\u201d who are never too busy to talk to their children, just like Kevin was, she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI see a lot of him in both my sons. And I\u2019m grateful that my boys have lived up to everything he would have wanted for them,\u201d she said. \u201cThey make me proud, and I know that he would be proud of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI sure miss her\u201d<\/p>\n

On 9\/11, Charles Wolf\u2019s wife, Katherine, was working in the World Trade Center\u2019s North Tower on the 97th floor as an executive assistant at Marsh & McLennan. No one above the 91st floor would survive.<\/p>\n

Twenty-five years after her loss, no other woman has replaced her in Charles\u2019 life, and he continues to miss her profoundly, he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not like I\u2019m in deep depression. I\u2019m not,\u201d Charles, now 72, said. \u201cBut boy, I sure miss her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"CharlesCharles Wolf poses for a portrait with a photograph of his late wife, Katherine, on Friday, Sept. 4, 2026 in Manhattan, New York. On 9\/11, Katherine was working in the World Trade Center\u2019s North Tower on the 97th floor, where, just weeks earlier, she had started an executive assistant job at Marsh & McLennan. No one above the 91st floor would survive the attack. (Barry Williams\/ New York Daily News)<\/p>\n

As the years roll on, Wolf does want to find someone to share the rest of his life with, but he has found that dating has its own challenges. Every time he mentions to a potential companion that his wife died on 9\/11, they wince as if they\u2019re experiencing some kind of shared trauma.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know she\u2019s up there wanting me to find love on earth,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

After the attack, Wolf became a leading advocate for the 9\/11 families. Actor Stanley Tucci portrayed him in the movie \u201cWorth\u201d about their battle for compensation. One year he wasn\u2019t sure he would attend an anniversary ceremony in lower Manhattan \u2014 yet found himself compelled, jumping on the subway and heading down to the 9\/11 Memorial.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s only three stops,\u201d he said. \u201cI had to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"CharlesCharles Wolf and his late wife, Katherine. (Courtesy of Charles Wolfe)<\/p>\n

He doesn\u2019t just go for Katherine. He also goes because of the bond he\u2019s created with fellow family members who lost someone that day \u2014 and a special feeling of community that has blossomed with people who actually have shared his trauma.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re with those who have gone through the same thing,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

An unforgettable smile<\/p>\n

For retired Police Officer James Smith, this year\u2019s 9\/11 anniversary is following familiar patterns of getting together with relatives and attending events amid the heartache he still feels over losing his beloved wife, Moira.<\/p>\n

Police Officer Moira Smith was the only female NYPD cop to die in the World Trade Center attack. One of the first officers to respond to the scene, she repeatedly helped guide people safely out of the South Tower, where she was last seen on its lower floors.<\/p>\n

\"NYPDNYPD Police Officer Moira Smith helps Edward Nicholls, a broker at Aon, from the south tower of the World Trade Center minutes before its collapse on Sept. 11, 2001. She reentered the building to assist others in the evacuation and was killed. (Corey Sipkin \/ New York Daily News)<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s 25 years, the pain doesn\u2019t go away,\u201d Smith said. \u201cBut it\u2019s also a time to gather with family and talk about celebrating a life and all she was and all the things we miss about her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re still remembering, and we\u2019re still there supporting each other,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

On Sept. 11,2001,\u00a0 James was at home with their daughter Patricia, then 2, watching a children\u2019s video on TV. He and Moira met as transit cops and worked different shifts so one of them could always be home with her.<\/p>\n

\"InIn main, James Smith and his daughter, Patricia. Inset, fallen NYPD Police Officer Moira Smith with her husband, James, and their baby daughter, Patricia. (Courtesy of James Smith)<\/p>\n

This year, Smith, 64, and his daughter, Patricia, now 27 and a student at Fordham University law school, will attend the 9\/11 Memorial ceremony, where Patricia will read names of the victims. Afterward, in an annual tradition, Smith and Patricia will join around 50 family members for a meal.<\/p>\n

\u201cI see Moira\u2019s spirit in her, her sense of fun, her smile,\u201d her dad said, \u201cbut she\u2019s definitely her own person.\u201d<\/p>\n

Missing out on a Knicks title<\/p>\n

This year marks the anniversary of 9\/11 since the Knicks finally won a championship. Jennifer Gardner knows her her late husband, Douglas Gardner, would \u201cstill be going crazy about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was a rabid Knicks fan,\u201d she said. \u201cAll he ever wanted was the Knicks to win a championship. I believe that when OG tipped that ball in and people called it the hand of God \u2014 it was the hand of Doug,\u201d she said, laughing.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd our son and daughter were at that game\u2026 I felt him in that moment,\u201d she said, her voice breaking.<\/p>\n

\"Jennifer<\/p>\n

Courtesy of Jennifer Gardner<\/p>\n

Jennifer and Douglas Gardner with their children, Julia and Michael. Douglas Gardner died in the World Trade Center on 9\/11. (Courtesy of Jennifer Gardner)<\/p>\n

Doug was 39 and Cantor Fitzgerald\u2019s executive managing director when terrorists slammed a jet into the North Tower right beneath their office. None of the company\u2019s 658 employees there that day survived.<\/p>\n

Jennifer was 35 then. Theyhad married in 1995 after meeting two years earlier. She quickly learned basketball wasn\u2019t just a game to her husband \u2014 it was his life.<\/p>\n

\u201cI miss him as much today as I did then,\u201d she said. \u201cWhat never goes away is the ache about what he\u2019s missing. Our son is getting married. The kids have had bar mitzvahs and graduations. They\u2019re adults now. His life was stolen from him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"JenniferJennifer and Douglas Gardner with their children, Julia and Michael. Douglas Gardner died in the World Trade Center on 9\/11. (Courtesy of Jennifer Gardner)<\/p>\n

She never attends the annual Sept. 11 memorial in lower Manhattan.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to live in his grave,\u201d she said, \u201cI can\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead of attending the Sept. 11 memorial in lower Manhattan, she and her son Michael \u2014 her daughter, Julia, is away at college \u2014 will light a candle that day for Doug, joined by another family that lost a member on 9\/11, at a special remembrance ceremony at Central Synagogue.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was lucky to have created a lifetime of love with him in such a short time,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

A cherished nephew, a cherished photgraph<\/p>\n

When retired NYPD Transit Chief Joseph Fox arrived at Ground Zero and saw the devastation around him, he was certain his nephew, probationary FDNY Firefighter Michael Roberts, had been killed. After rushing to the site from his firehouse in Brooklyn. Roberts was among the missing that day.<\/p>\n

Fox remembers that day as he looks at two photos of his beloved nephew: a photo of him in his FDNY gear that he kept under his police hat for years, and a telling picture of the young man on the beach in Breezy Point.<\/p>\n

fdny<\/p>\n

\"On<\/p>\n

Obtained by Daily News<\/p>\n

On 9\/11, Firefighter Michael Roberts, pictured, was killed in the the World Trade Center collapse.<\/p>\n

Michael\u2019s birthday was in the late part of the summer, just a few weeks before 9\/11. Fox\u2019s son Joseph also has a birthday around then, so his family would often celebrate the two together. As they celebrated that year, Fox and his son Joseph arrived at Breezy Point late. The family had already gone swimming, but Michael took the 11-year-old Joseph down to the beach. Fox, a budding photographer at the time, tagged along and took some pics of his son on his boogie board.<\/p>\n

\"ChiefChief of Brooklyn South Joseph Fox is pictured with a photo of his nephew, FDNY Firefighter Michael Roberts, inside his service cap in 2004. (Todd Maisel \/ New York Daily News)<\/p>\n

\u201cAt one point, almost as an afterthought, I said, \u2018Michael, let me get one of you,’\u201d he recalled. \u201cHe stopped and turned toward me for a moment, and I captured the photograph that would become my most cherished image of my dear nephew.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI often stare at that photograph in my home,\u201d he said. \u201cAlthough it was such a lighthearted moment, his expression is serious, almost contemplative. When I look at that photograph, I feel as though I am seeing Michael the young man, Michael the person of wisdom, Michael our hero.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"ChiefChief of Brooklyn South Joseph Fox is pictured with a photo of his nephew, FDNY Firefighter Michael Roberts, inside his service cap in 2004. (Todd Maisel \/ New York Daily News)<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is something about it that makes me feel as though I am looking into eternity,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Enduring legacy<\/p>\n

New York City Fire Department Chief Joe Downey was with with his two young sons at home watching television when his father, legendary FDNY Chief Ray Downey,, died during the terror attack on Sept. 11, 2001<\/p>\n

Now, 25 years later, both boys are poised to become New York City firefighters themselves, following in their father\u2019s and grandfather\u2019s footsteps.<\/p>\n

\"FDNYFDNY Chief Ray Downey (left) and his son, Joseph, as a probationary firefighter. (FDNY)<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s sons are just two of Ray Downey\u2019s 15 grandchildren, most of whom never got to meet him, he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOnly two of them were old enough to know my father,\u201d Joe said, \u201cbut they all know of him because of what we do in his name.\u201d Ray Downey was one\u00a0the city\u2019s most decorated firefighters<\/p>\n

\u201cHis legacy is alive and strong,\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n

\"FDNYFDNY Chief Joseph Downey with his sons, Joseph (left) and Connor (right). (FDNY)<\/p>\n

When he died in the terror attacks, Ray was on the brink of retirement, a 39-year veteran and nationally recognized expert on rescue operations at collapsed buildings. In addition to 9\/11, his teams had responded to the bombings in Oklahoma City and the Atlanta Olympics.<\/p>\n

To honor that, his family has spent the past 25 years helping people like Ray did, by establishing scholarship funds and through charitable endeavors, including an annual 5K Father\u2019s Day run in his honor. This year, more than 1,800 people participated. In the years since 9\/11, Joe estimates they have collected and donated upwards of $2 million in Ray\u2019s name.<\/p>\n

\"FDNYFDNY Chief Ray Downey (left) with his son, Joseph, and grandsons, Joseph and Connor. (FDNY)<\/p>\n

Joe responded as well to the Towers that day, but he never crossed paths with his father. It wasn\u2019t until May 2002 that his family received official confirmation of Ray\u2019s death.<\/p>\n

The months in between were a \u201cwhirlwind\u201d of hope and loss and grief, an experience Joe described as \u201cunimaginable.\u201d But he refused to let the pain take over, which is why he strives to embrace a positive perspective when the anniversary of his father\u2019s death comes around each year.<\/p>\n

\u201cI try to make it a good day, not a bad day,\u201d he said. \u201cWe have to take this negative and make it positive. He would want that. And I think he would be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"JosephJoseph Downey, Ray Downey and Chuck Downey are pictured in an undated photo. (FDNY)<\/p>\n

This year, Joe plans to visit the site of the attack as he has done every year since it occurred. But this anniversary, he\u2019s thinking more about his mother, who held the family together after Ray\u2019s passing.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s such a strong woman. To me, he was always this big, strong guy. But mom really showed me how strong she is these last 25 years.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now that his boys are gearing up to become firefighters themselves, he\u2019s appreciating his mother more and more \u2014 and now understands the stress of being the one who has to wait at home and worry.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think they may have the harder job,\u201d he noted.<\/p>\n

Time blinks by<\/p>\n

Kathy Vigiano measures time by how much her youngest son, John, has grown since her husband, NYPD Detective Joseph Vigiano, was killed in the 9\/11 terror attacks.<\/p>\n

\"NYPDNYPD Officer Joseph Vigiano, who died on 9\/11.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was just three months old (on 9\/11),\u201d Vigiano said. \u201c(NYPD Chaplain) Monsignor Romano had just baptized him the week before.\u201d<\/p>\n

Det. Vigiano was assigned to NYPD Emergency Services Unit Truck 2 on 9\/11 and was one of the first to rush into the crumbling World Trade Center complex. He died in the collapse, along with his brother, FDNY Firefighter John Vigiano.<\/p>\n

The decorated 14-year NYPD veteran was involved in two gunfights and countless daring rescues as part of ESU before dying in the terror attack.<\/p>\n

It may have been 25 years ago, but to Kathy, the love of her life and father of her three children died just yesterday.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor everybody else it\u2019s 25 years later, but for us, we\u2019re living with this every day,\u201d the 62-year-old mom and former NYPD cop said about the horrors and heartache she suffered on 9\/11.<\/p>\n

John\u2019s older brothers, Jimmy and Joe Jr., are both with the NYPD. Jimmy, like his dad, is with ESU. Joseph Vigiano Jr. was promoted to sergeant last month.<\/p>\n

\u201cI count the years by my son John,\u201d she said. John\u2019s currently serving in the U.S. Marines. \u201cI still think of him as a child, that baby that was just baptized. I can\u2019t believe he\u2019s 25 already. He\u2019s a man and it went by so quick.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The deaths of some 3,000 people killed on 9\/11 when the World Trade Center collapsed in lower Manhattan…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":343892,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[266,85,267,75,84,83,9,24,264,12,63,11803],"class_list":["post-343891","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-manhattan","tag-crime-and-public-safety","tag-latest-headlines","tag-local-news","tag-manhattan","tag-manhattan-headlines","tag-manhattan-news","tag-new-york","tag-new-york-city","tag-new-york-county","tag-news","tag-nyc","tag-september-11"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/343891","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=343891"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/343891\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/343892"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=343891"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=343891"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=343891"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}