{"id":39393,"date":"2025-11-14T14:05:06","date_gmt":"2025-11-14T14:05:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/39393\/"},"modified":"2025-11-14T14:05:06","modified_gmt":"2025-11-14T14:05:06","slug":"i-was-new-york-citys-first-female-fire-commissioner-its-time-to-stop-asking-women-to-fit-the-room-and-just-fix-the-room-instead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/39393\/","title":{"rendered":"I was New York City’s first female fire commissioner. It’s time to stop asking women to ‘fit the room’ and just fix the room instead"},"content":{"rendered":"

After a historic night of \u201cfirsts\u201d for women in Tuesday\u2019s elections\u2014Virginia\u2019s first female governor<\/a>; the first Muslim woman<\/a> elected to statewide office in Virginia; an all-women transition team<\/a> in NYC; and Detroit electing its first woman mayor<\/a>\u2014it didn\u2019t surprise me that the very next day brought a New York Times headline asking, \u201cDid Women Ruin the Workplace<\/a>?\u201d (later softened to \u201cDid Liberal Feminism Ruin the Workplace?\u201d).<\/p>\n

When I became the first woman to lead the New York City Fire Department, and the youngest in more than a century, most stories also zeroed in on the \u201cfirst.\u201d They also pointed out the things I didn\u2019t share with my male predecessors, but failed to mention all the experience I had that they lacked.\u00a0<\/p>\n

We still treat women at the helm as exceptions and judge them by a blueprint built for men. The question isn\u2019t whether a \u201cperfect\u201d woman can endure the old rules; it\u2019s whether we\u2019re willing to rewrite them.<\/p>\n

Take the FDNY. The image is an iconic one: a broad-shouldered firefighter charging into a burning building, hauling people to safety. That\u2019s absolutely part of the work\u2014and it always will be. However, the vast majority of our city\u2019s emergency calls involve responding to complex emergencies, many of which are medical crises. Nationwide, only about 4%<\/a> of calls are fire-related\u2014a statistic that bears out similarly in NYC. On any given day, the FDNY treats cardiac arrests, overdoses, and mental-health episodes; they steady panicked families; and they coordinate multi-agency responses. What many label \u201csoft\u201d skills are actually mission-critical hard skills. Despite the Commissioner\u2019s job being an executive one, not a first responder, I was often asked why I was wearing a suit instead of a uniform, or assumed to be a wife rather than the boss.<\/p>\n

In NYC, less than 2%<\/a> of firefighters are women. You read that right: Less than two out of every hundred firefighters are women. And even those small numbers are historically high, thanks to recent years of recruiting, training, and retention efforts\u2014and progress is still a steep uphill climb.<\/p>\n

So I know a little something about walking into rooms that weren\u2019t built with you in mind. For women\u2014especially those who are Black or brown, queer or trans, disabled, or immigrants\u2014the unspoken choice is familiar: conform and be accused of not doing enough, or push for change and be labeled a \u201ctroublemaker\u201dor \u201cnot a culture fit.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll say the quiet part out loud: it can be deeply lonely to be \u201cthe only.\u201d Not just for lack of peers, but the constant second-guessing of your qualifications and how much of your true self you\u2019re \u201callowed\u201d to reveal.<\/p>\n

Research backs this. When women take charge, they are seen as competent, but less likeable; when they show care, they are liked, but seen as less competent.<\/p>\n

What needs to change<\/p>\n

So how do we change the rules?\u00a0<\/p>\n

First, be honest about the job. When leaders are clear about what success actually requires\u2014empathy plus expertise, composure plus courage\u2014we widen the opportunities for who gets seen as \u201cright for it.\u201d That\u2019s not lowering standards; it\u2019s aligning them with the reality of the work. A wider pool means stronger competition.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Second, women\u2019s lived experiences are not \u201cbaggage.\u201d What reads as \u201ccharacter-building\u201d\u2014life choices, wins and losses, strong opinions\u2014in a man are too often framed as liabilities for women. We overscrutinize the \u201cperfect\u201d woman because scarcity puts almost mythic expectations on each female candidate.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The fix isn\u2019t to produce a flawless\u00a0 woman at the top. It\u2019s more women at every level\u2014hire, retain, promote\u2014so a woman in charge is unremarkable. So that there is a style of women\u2019s leadership for every type of job and challenge. Decades of studies<\/a> show women in leadership increase productivity, enhance collaboration, inspire organizational dedication, and improve outcomes for everyone.\u00a0<\/p>\n

This week\u2019s election offers the blueprint: put more women in positions of power and let them get to work. This is a cultural shift that benefits both men and women, making our communities and workplaces healthier and more successful.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And finally, we should build scaffolding, not silos. Mentorship, sponsorship, peer networks, and leadership training are the beams that carry weight over time.\u00a0<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re the only woman in a male-dominated field, isolation can become a survival tactic. On day one I was warned: don\u2019t talk to other women in front of the men\u2014they\u2019ll assume you\u2019re scheming, and you\u2019ll pay for it. How can we possibly recruit and retain women when those are the terms?\u00a0 At the Women inPower Fellowship<\/a> at 92NY\u2019s Belfer Center for Innovation & Social Impact, I found a space where I could be honest about the hard parts and still be taken seriously.<\/p>\n

Speaking at last month\u2019s Women inPower Summit<\/a> was a reminder of how much power and energy are unlocked when women compare notes across sectors. To this day, my fellowship cohort remains my support system, and we encourage each other to speak openly so that we can improve the path not just for ourselves, but for the women who come after us.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re one of the \u201conlys\u201d in the room, start small and notice what systems weren\u2019t built for you. Bring a colleague who\u2019s never been in the room. Pass the mic to someone who rarely speaks up. Influence isn\u2019t a pay grade; it\u2019s a practice. And when you reach that top job\u2014because many of you will\u2014remember that it isn\u2019t that you don\u2019t belong in that room. It\u2019s that the room has never belonged to someone like you before. Make it yours.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cFirsts\u201d are milestones, not finish lines. What matters is what we change once we get there\u2014and how many more can follow.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The opinions expressed in Fortune.com commentary pieces are solely the views of their authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and beliefs of\u00a0Fortune.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"After a historic night of \u201cfirsts\u201d for women in Tuesday\u2019s elections\u2014Virginia\u2019s first female governor; the first Muslim woman…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":39394,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[22933,9,24,56,63,65,64,22934],"class_list":{"0":"post-39393","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-new-york-city","8":"tag-gender-issues","9":"tag-new-york","10":"tag-new-york-city","11":"tag-ny","12":"tag-nyc","13":"tag-nyc-headlines","14":"tag-nyc-news","15":"tag-work-culture"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39393","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39393"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39393\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/39394"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}