DEAR ABBY: My oldest son, \u201cAdam,\u201d turned 50 last month. He and his wife, \u201cLindy,\u201d live four hours away. They invited me and my husband to a birthday party she was having for him. Adam\u2019s daughter from a previous marriage couldn\u2019t make it for whatever reason.<\/p>\n
Lindy tends to drink too much. At one point, she went around screaming about how Adam\u2019s \u201cstupid daughter\u201d didn\u2019t bother to make it to his birthday party. To say the least, I was furious. I didn\u2019t speak up because my son\u2019s friends had traveled to be there and I didn\u2019t want to ruin the celebration, and she was obviously very intoxicated.<\/p>\n
My granddaughter doesn\u2019t have a good relationship with them. Adam adopted the youngest of Lindy\u2019s three daughters because the two older ones were married. I no longer want to have anything to do with Lindy. Adam and his father don\u2019t know about what happened that night. We haven\u2019t had a good relationship since Adam left his first family for Lindy. Any advice? \u2014 HOLDING MY TONGUE IN TEXAS<\/p>\n
DEAR HOLDING: Adam knows his wife is a drinker who sometimes becomes out of control. You didn\u2019t mention whether he has maintained contact with his ex-wife or his daughter. That she avoided his birthday party may not have been unexpected. My advice is to keep your lip zipped and resist the urge to further rock the boat.<\/p>\n
DEAR ABBY: A friend I\u2019ve known since our school days works in the same organization I do. We\u2019re in different departments, but we had similar jobs when I started six years ago. During that time, I\u2019ve had two big promotions, and she has stayed where she is. Her work is well received, and she always gets positive reviews, so she\u2019s frustrated she hasn\u2019t been promoted.<\/p>\n
She asked me to help her figure out what is going on. (When asked, her supervisor didn\u2019t give a straight answer, which is typical here.) I think the problem may be how she presents herself. It\u2019s an old-school setting, and she has a modern attitude toward work-life balance. She dresses within the letter of the dress code but more casual than those around her. She takes personal calls within earshot of others and will pop in and out of the office to run errands or pick up her kids up from somewhere, and then work from home to make up the time. While technically it is allowed, others don\u2019t do this.<\/p>\n
Only 10% of our job is client-facing, but looking and acting the part is noticed. It would be great if the rules outlined what the managers actually want, but I think reading the room is necessary too. Maintaining our friendship is more important to me than helping her at the office. How much of this, if any, do I share with her? \u2014 FAITHFUL FRIEND IN OHIO<\/p>\n
DEAR FRIEND: You should share all of your thoughts with your friend, because they are pertinent and honest. After that, she should speak privately with her boss and ask why she hasn\u2019t been able to advance in the company.<\/p>\n