{"id":63959,"date":"2025-12-08T07:41:07","date_gmt":"2025-12-08T07:41:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/63959\/"},"modified":"2025-12-08T07:41:07","modified_gmt":"2025-12-08T07:41:07","slug":"being-santa-claus-requires-a-lot-of-patience-and-a-little-bit-of-padding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/63959\/","title":{"rendered":"Being Santa Claus requires a lot of patience \u2014 and a little bit of padding"},"content":{"rendered":"

Being Santa\u2019s jolly good fun<\/p>\n

It\u2019s weeks before Christmas and all through the house \u2014 no gifts have arrived. Not even a blouse!<\/p>\n

To get into the Christmas spirit, I spoke with\u00a0R.\u00a0David Robinson. The R is for Robert. A onetime waiter, he quick learned he could make lots more bread by being an entertainer, and so he became a Santa who<\/a> does private events and even works Carnegie Hall. Here\u2019s his Santa-izing:<\/p>\n

\u201cI speak with a lower register. I ask them to tell me in my ear what they want. Kids today want electronics, a guitar, cell phone. They\u2019re into technology. They ask for some things I don\u2019t even understand. I mean, what\u2019s a 4-year-old know? They talk of things I don\u2019t even understand.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I need the john I go before \u2014 then after \u2014 never during. The kids are good. So far none have peed on my lap. My wardrobe has belly padding. My suit and beard are custom made.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was also the Santa Claus after 9\/11. I hugged them. I gave the children time. They needed it. I kept quiet about what they\u2019ve just gone through. They\u2019d waited all year to see Santa Claus. I have children myself. I know children. When I left waiting tables I knew I had to support my children and so bit by bit I turned into doing these private events.<\/p>\n

\u201cI learned to do other corporate work. Like at Easter and for the Red Cross. I worked once at the Friars for some special evening. And you and your husband were there. And I\u2019ve learned that Santa doesn\u2019t go Ho-ho-ho. It\u2019s really oh-oh-oh.\u201d<\/p>\n

This Mr. Claus, in his off hours, does pilates. This way he can shimmy down that chimney.<\/p>\n

One more question: Why Dec. 25? One answer: It\u2019s one of the shortest days. Others say it might\u2019ve been Jesus\u2019 birth date. Another\u2019s \u201cbecause it\u2019s the birth date of the pagan invisible sun\u201d \u2014 and what all that means I don\u2019t understand altogether.<\/p>\n

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The (cheap) good ol\u2019 days<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a recent Adams reverie \u2014 equal parts nostalgia and reactionary sneer \u2014 about old New York<\/a>. Soap was 8 cents. Coffee, 21 cents. Bread, 12 cents. To scrub a shmatta cost the scrubee 11 cents. Our mayor then? Fernando Wood, whom nobody remembers except maybe Mrs. Wood. Also maybe still around could be \u2014 if their marital loins produced any \u2014 Wood splinters. 1860 \u2014 weeks before I came to be \u2014 price to rent a whole house was $60 a month. To dress for dinner, one plain Hermes blue tie today \u2014 $350 plus shipping.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Can\u2019t it weight?<\/p>\n

I stumbled upon this in an old London Sun: \u201cPudgy Prince\u00a0Andrew\u00a0is having colonic irrigation to slim down from 210 pounds. The treatment, favored by ex-wife\u00a0Fergie, has helped him lose 14 pounds. He hopes to lose another 28. He stopped eating meat, fish, poultry and dairy. His new diet: rice, beans, lentils, raw veggies, warm water flavored with ginger\u201d .\u2009.\u2009. In other weight-loss news, prune-growers want their wrinkled old image facelifted. California\u2019s prune board may be eyeing a name change to \u201cdried plums.\u201d Like \u201cdried apricots.\u201d It\u2019s a bid to make the laxative fruit more palatable to the young.<\/p>\n

So, this non-Santa type went into a dress shop for his wife\u2019s present. He said he wanted what would fit a 34B bra. The salesgirl asked him how he got the measurement \u2014 and he said: \u201cI did it with my hat.\u201d<\/p>\n

Merry almost Christmas, everybody.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Being Santa\u2019s jolly good fun It\u2019s weeks before Christmas and all through the house \u2014 no gifts have…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":63960,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[12565,75,84,83,9,24,63,299,28170],"class_list":["post-63959","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-manhattan","tag-christmas","tag-manhattan","tag-manhattan-headlines","tag-manhattan-news","tag-new-york","tag-new-york-city","tag-nyc","tag-opinion","tag-santa-claus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63959","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=63959"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63959\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/63960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=63959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=63959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us-ny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=63959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}