DEAR ABBY: My son married a lovely woman, \u201cNoelle,\u201d two years ago. They live a couple of hours away and have a 1-year-old son, my third grandchild. Noelle\u2019s parents live 10 miles from my home. She and the baby go there nearly every weekend but NEVER come by mine. I haven\u2019t seen them since the baby\u2019s birthday five months ago.\u00a0<\/p>\n
My daughter lives down the street from Noelle\u2019s parents. She wasn\u2019t invited to the baby\u2019s first birthday even though she\u2019s the mother of his cousins, so I took her children with me. There were other people there, mostly adults and her cousin\u2019s baby.\u00a0<\/p>\n
We are not horrible people. There has never been any ugliness between any of us. I\u2019m very hurt because they don\u2019t recognize me as a grandmother or any of us as part of the family. My son\u2019s father has never been allowed to meet the baby, and I don\u2019t think he\u2019s even met Noelle.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I have asked my son and daughter-in-law to bring the baby, leave him for the day or even overnight so we can spend some time and get to know him, but it never happens. What can I say to make them understand how much they are hurting the family and the baby by avoiding us? I don\u2019t want to make it worse. \u2014 DISAPPOINTED GRANDMA IN TEXAS<\/p>\n
DEAR GRANDMA: This is a subject you should discuss with your son, who appears to be clueless or entirely ineffectual. Does he recognize what has been happening \u2014 that his parents have been pushed entirely out of the picture? If the answer to that question is yes, perhaps he can shed some light on why. If the answer is no, tell HIM how this has made you feel. If you do, perhaps he will assert himself. Better late than never. <\/p>\n
DEAR ABBY: One year ago, my heart was torn out of my chest when my wife died after a five-year battle with stage-4 breast cancer. It was the beginning of the end of my world. I\u2019m alone now. We have two cats I still take care of and all the daily chores of a normal household.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I have tried looking at dating sites, and I see a couple of women I might be interested to know. Here\u2019s where I need a female stranger\u2019s perspective: I still hurt inside, and I know I will for some time. I also feel that if I have someone to talk to, it\u2019ll be the personal therapy I need to help get me back on track. However, I also feel that if I start dating, it will be like I\u2019m cheating on my wife, and the hurt comes back. What am I supposed to do? \u2014 CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA<\/p>\n
DEAR CONFLICTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. If you feel you need a woman\u2019s perspective, find a female licensed psychotherapist to help you get back on track. If you do this, you are less likely to dump your guilt and grief on someone who might take advantage of it or be driven away by it. If you can\u2019t afford a therapist, joining a grief support group may help you expiate any guilt you feel about going on with your life.\u00a0<\/p>\n