One evening several years ago, the church where I serve hosted its weekly Bible study. This particular session was focused on the topic of love. Class participants were asked to share their thoughts and people started out by focusing on the beauty of love and the caring that is often partnered with love.
One person said, “Love is awesome.” Others talked about how love changes things and another person shared that “love is transformational.” Some attendees emphasized a justice connection and one participant suggested that “love is advocacy.”
We were loving talking about love and there was a palpable positive energy in the room. Then an older gentleman in the class rolled his eyes just slightly and cleared his throat. With a firmness in his voice he said, “Love is long-suffering.”
On the surface it seemed like this church member was a being a downer, but it was a Spirit-led moment. As he talked more, the class came to understand that he was offering a word of truth we all needed to hear. In a culture where it is easy to dismiss people over minor annoyances, this classmate reminded us that the spiritual life demands a deep commitment to the people God places in our lives.
Love is indeed long-suffering. Love is in it for the long haul. Another word for long-suffering is to “forbear.” Witnessing a forbearing love is inspirational, like when a parent loves their child through a time of incarceration, a faith leader encourages a congregant through a season of addiction or a coach sticks by a player throughout an injury.
Long-suffering love eschews a transactional mindset, though, on occasion, any marriage may have its quid pro quo moments. My spouse Carol wanted me to watch the first season of “Bridgerton” with her and I said I would as long as she would watch “The Last Dance” documentary series about the Chicago Bulls basketball team. I endured “Bridgerton” and as a bonus, Carol was surprisingly captivated by “The Last Dance.”
In a spiritual sense, to love in a long-suffering way is to be patient and slow to anger. Some people with a more opportunistic inclination may seek to take advantage of the one who offers uncomplaining love. But God does not expect anyone to be a doormat. We may love others kindly and at the same time say “no thank you” to poor treatment.
Early on in my pastoring I was a bit shocked the first time I was screamed at while facilitating a meeting at the church. Thankfully, the Spirit was with me and I was able respond in a way that de-escalated the volume and the problem was eventually resolved. Over the years, God helped me love church members who were not at their best. I sure am grateful for the many people inside (and outside) the church who have loved me in a long-suffering manner, especially when I have not been my finest.
God certainly loves people in long-suffering fashion. God “suffers” through the years with us, meaning God maintains an enduring companionship with us despite our unfaithfulness and going our own way. God bears with us, undeterred by our incessant idolatry. God endures all the years that we put everyone and everything before God. God has put up with our distractions and our inattention as well as our willful neglect of the divine relationship.
God calls us to share steadfast love with neighbors, to see past people’s unforgiveness and ungraciousness. God calls us to put up with people’s flakiness, neediness and miscommunication. The world could always use a few more sturdy people who may offer long-suffering love. This type of love does not manifest itself through any personal effort or strength, only faith in the One who creates, redeems and sanctifies.
This is a contributed opinion column. The Rev. Elizabeth Goudy has served as pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church of the Lehigh Valley, Allentown.