I often check the headlines and can’t even make it through a few before my brain starts to run screaming in the opposite direction. It’s always something like…

“Trump Admin Creates Department of Racism in Space”

“Congress Debates Banning College”

“Elon Musk Creates AI Chatbot MechaHitler.” (I wish this was a joke).

Haha that’s enough internet for the day!

Hmmm…if only there was something that moves at the pace of news, yet with infinitely lower stakes. Something that barely matters at all, but we can all pretend like it does.

That thing I’m looking for is sports. 

Wallethub (yes, them again!) have crunched some numbers and determined that Pittsburgh is the 3rd-best city for sports in America (out of 399). We’re #1 for football, #3 for hockey, #16 for baseball, and #104 for basketball.  Honestly, that’s about right. And yet, I’m sort of glad that we didn’t run away with this ranking.

Sure, we can take sports fandom a little too far, as a city and as individuals. (My family struggles with this). Football isn’t a personality. You can, and should, care about other things.

If we had an NBA franchise, it would seriously cut into my doing-literally-anything-else time, so I’m sort of glad we don’t

For sale: 2767 Zephyr Ave., Sheraden, $135,000.

Yes, there are still historic homes to buy in Pittsburgh for less than $200K. You just have to expand your search beyond the East End, like this circa-1900 home in Sheraden. If the Washington Post can figure this out, then it’s not a secret. This week’s story notes, “While there are many yardsticks for calculating housing affordability, Pittsburgh stands out as uniquely livable … The median home in Pittsburgh goes for $229,000, making it one of the most affordable metro areas in the country.”  I mean, this is news ONLY IF YOU DON’T READ THIS COLUMN. Hats off to them, though, for picking some weird little Pittsburgh houses in the oft-ignored West End instead of the usual pricey suburban enclaves.

The Artisan at Robinson, 301 Hightower Blvd. Credit: Courtesy of Zillow

For rent: The Artisan at Robinson, 301 Hightower Blvd., Robinson, $1,590/month.

It’s great to see new-build apartment buildings in the suburbs; you should be able to live out here if you don’t want or need a house. It’s just … “The Artisan”?  That word used to mean something like “skilled craftsman,” but now all I can think of is $22 burgers that probably taste good, but not that good.

The Hamilton, 1202 W. North Ave. Credit: Courtesy of Zillow

For rent: The Hamilton, 1202 W. North Ave., Mexican War Streets, $1,315/month.

“The Hamilton” — now that’s a good name for an apartment building. It sounds old, established, solid, unlikely to collapse — all good things for a building! It’s also reminiscent of Canadian football (and steel) powerhouse, Hamilton, ON, and tanned-to-a-crisp actor George Hamilton. This place is beautiful, which always helps. If there’s not one secret passageway or at least a hidden snifter of brandy in that drawing room, I’m going to file a complaint.

845 Geyer Rd. Credit: Courtesy of Zillow

For sale: 845 Geyer Rd., Shaler, $225,000.

I spent my first year of life in Shaler. Aside from one cute story (I used to bounce madly in my swing when I spotted my dad walking up the hill after work),I don’t remember much. Seems nice and quiet, as long as you’ve got some distance from Route 8, which is the opposite (and may be an outer ring of hell).

3825 Atkins St. Credit: Courtesy of Zillow

For sale: 3825 Atkins St., Brighton Heights, $146,900.

PERGOLA PARTY! There are certain members of my family who loves building pergolas. At first, I didn’t get t it, but their most recent pergola has solar panels on top and generates enough power for the house. I’m fully converted! So, when I see a pergola, like the one in front of this circa-1910 brick Brighton Heights place, I propagate that pergola propaganda. You can grow flowers or grapes (or whatever), entwined around a pergola! 

Beechwood Gardens, 3245 Beechwood Blvd Credit: Courtesy of Zillow

For rent: Beechwood Gardens, 3245 Beechwood Blvd. Squirrel Hill, $975/month.

Low-end rental listings are fascinating. Instead of trying to sell the place to a potential renter, there’s usually just a flagrant disregard for depicting anything useful. You can practically hear the landlord grumbling, “You want what? Pictures? Ugh (chomps cigar, curses under breath). OK, here’s a stove, a sink, and some stairs — you like those, right? Ooh, look at Mr. Moneybags here, who needs fancy stairs to walk on!”

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