When Meeraj Moosa met her wedding planner, Mackenzie Reffuge, the pair almost instantly felt a connection: Both women had decided not to have children. Within a week, Moosa and Reffuge had come up with the idea to create a community for women who are also child-free by choice.
Through monthly pop-up social events, they created Child-Free by Choice PGH, a space for women to explore, discuss and share their child-free journey in an understanding and accepting environment.
Growing up in a large Indian household and being the oldest of five, Moosa, 34, always felt that she would not have children. She’s always been OK with doing things differently than the rest of her family, she says.
“I am the eldest sister, so I was really taking a role to take care of my siblings from a young age. I am also a teacher, so I have all these things where I am around children who fill that maternal cup,” says Moosa.
On the other side of the spectrum, Reffuge, 33, wanted a big family when she was a little girl. When she was 8, her mother suddenly passed away.
“I think that there was a perspective change following the trauma of it, which kind of shaped the way I think about what a family actually looks like in my head and in reality,” says Reffuge.
After having conversations with her partner about the effect this had on her, Reffuge came to the conclusion that she didn’t want to have children after all. Her partner was on the same page.
Both Moosa and Reffuge are surrounded by family and friends who are supportive of their decision.
Meeraj Moosa, 34, always felt she wouldn’t have children. Photo by Alexis Wary.
“I think it’s really reinforced that Meeraj and I are the perfect pair to start a group like this because we are met with so much internal support,” says Reffuge. “ It makes us feel great that we can provide something for these women, because being child-free by choice can be really isolating.”
Previous events have included happy hours, flower-arranging workshops, bocce and Galentine’s Day friend speed dating. The founders’ goal for Child-Free by Choice PGH is to provide a supportive community for women to meet new friends and share their experiences freely without being judged, shamed or feeling pressure to constantly answer questions about having children.
Someone may decide not to have children for any number of reasons, say Moosa and Refugee, one being potential health risks. Some are still dealing with complicated and conflicting feelings about their decision, while many others are at peace with it. Child-Free by Choice PGH is open to all.
According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 47% of adults in the United States of America age 50 and under say “they are unlikely to ever have kids,” a 10% increase since the 2018 study. Reasons include wanting to focus on their career, increased concerns about the state of the world, climate change and the environment, inability to afford to raise a child or simply not wanting to have children.
Julie Start, 41, says she has always felt off and on about being child-free by choice. Then she attended the first meetup in January. Start says she feels strongly that the universe sends people things when they need them. When the group came along, she felt ready to go all in with it. Many of Start’s longtime friends have kids, and she has felt left out when they talk about the mom groups and support systems that they have.
Julie Start says she often feels left out of conversations with friends who have children. Photo by Alexis Wary.
Being a part of Child-Free by Choice PGH has helped her understand that her reasons for not wanting children or being “on the fence about it” are valid. There is no pressure to justify her choice. “I think it’s just nice to go into a group and not be the outlier,” she says.
Start also said that not feeling pressure to talk about the subject at these events helped her. “I just needed that lightness, like around the topic. It has just felt so heavy for me for so long.” she says.
Being suddenly faced with questions about having children at a social event can be difficult at times, she says. “My stomach just drops when I get these questions. I don’t want to talk about this at a moment when I am just enjoying myself at dinner. So it’s just nice that we can talk about our shared child-free experiences but also just have fun and hang out.”
Pulling inspiration from acquaintances who are a part of other child-free by choice groups all over the world, Moosa and Reffuge aim to grow the organization through new event opportunities.
They hope that reaching more people and having open conversations around being child-free can help fight some of society’s narrow views on what a family looks like. “We just want to keep talking about it because it can open people up to acceptance,” says Moosa.
Child-Free by Choice PGH’s next events will be an outdoor picnic in Gibsonia on Friday, Sept. 25, and “Murder Mystery at the Cottage” on Friday, Oct. 9. To learn more about the group, follow it on Instagram: @childfree_bychoicepgh.
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