Views and to-dos from your Pittsburgh neighbors.
When I became a parent, I felt what many parents feel: an instinctive desire to be at home with my child. To be the one who helps them take their first steps, to teach and guide them, and to enjoy and cherish everything about parenthood. For me and my partner, both raised by our mothers at home, that felt like the right choice.
But sticking to that choice throughout our parenting journey has been endlessly difficult. We’ve taken turns staying home, worked opposite shifts, and lived on one income, yet economic and cultural pressures still push us to send our child to daycare.
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Teachers, nannies and daycare workers provide vital care and expertise, and they rightly receive pay for this. Yet parents and caregivers who provide that same care at home receive little-to-no support, despite doing the same essential labor.
We are often told that “it takes a village” to raise a child, but in Pittsburgh, the village is hard to access. Public funding, workplace policies and societal expectations lean toward sending children to daycare, leaving parents financially strained and burnt out.
I believe that raising children is essential labor, and all caregivers deserve support that protects their wellbeing and fosters positive, lasting outcomes for the children in their care.
“I have written to Pennsylvania lawmakers across the political spectrum to advocate for policies that would support stay-at-home and homeschooling parents like me. In their responses, my suggestions were consistently ignored.”
I have found a supportive “village” in the form of Pittsburgh-based “mom chat” groups on WhatsApp. These groups give parents, and mothers especially, a space to support one another, share resources, and exchange advice, creating community in a society where families are often isolated. Through them, people from many backgrounds voice the shared struggle of parenting in today’s economy. No matter which path they take, staying home or relying on childcare, the pressures can feel overwhelming.
I have written to Pennsylvania lawmakers across the political spectrum to advocate for policies that would support stay-at-home and homeschooling parents like me. In their responses, my suggestions were consistently ignored in favor of lists of policies that support “working families.” These responses overlook how caring for any children – our own or other people’s – is work. Parenting is unpaid, unseen around-the-clock labor.
Other places show it doesn’t have to be that way. In New Mexico, the state now provides free childcare for all families, regardless of income, funded by oil and gas royalties. In Finland and Norway, parents who stay home with young children receive a monthly home care allowance. These examples treat childcare, like schooling, as a shared public responsibility, not an individual burden.
We could adapt a similar model in Pennsylvania, starting in Allegheny County. Imagine if every family received a family care stipend, covering part or all of average monthly childcare costs. It could be used toward daycare, a nanny, or to support a parent staying home. For school-aged children, this model could support families who provide education at home, recognizing that teaching one’s own children is full-time caregiving. For school-aged children, this model could support families who provide education at home, recognizing that teaching one’s own children is full-time caregiving.
Supporting families with children is not a partisan issue. Ask any Pittsburgh parent about the struggles of childcare, and you will hear the same concerns about affordability and exhaustion. Any parent who has returned to the workforce shortly after the birth or adopting a baby knows the pain of separating from their child. New studies even show that birthing parents do not fully recover from childbirth for at least a year.
Let’s build a society where caregivers and children thrive, and where public policies truly support our wellbeing.
Lavender Sedlock is a queer, non-binary artist, healer and stay-at-home parent from Pittsburgh. They are currently reviving Lavender’s House of Magic and Medicine, a healing arts practice that honors caregiving both within and beyond the family. Lavender is passionate about community, wellbeing and shaping public policies that empower people and nurture our connection to each other and the Earth.
Pittsburgh’s Public Source occasionally publishes Guest Commentary pieces by community members. For more information on this new community storytelling opportunity, click here.
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