“Oh yes, I’m the great pretender/ Just laughin’ and gay like a clown/ I seem to be what I’m not, you see/ I’m wearing my heart like a crown.” – from ”The Great Pretender,” by the Platters (1955)

Explaining the experience of attending a Trump rally to the uninitiated has been a challenge since the MAGA Circus first hit the road about a decade ago.

The production is like an old-time religious tent revival mixed with a pay-per-view “WWE Smackdown” event. It’s a trip to an alternate reality built on “alternative facts,” empty promises and outright lies, a traveling medicine show that brazenly sells poison to hungry customers who can’t get enough of the stuff.

The show is meticulously staged, but the star rarely sticks to the script. It’s the part of his schtick the crowd craves most. Trump is at his best and worst in front of an adoring audience. I’ve rarely seen one more mesmerized than the 2,000 or so MAGA faithful who waited for hours in bitter cold to cheer him on Tuesday at Mount Airy Casino Resort.

I’ve covered a multitude of Trump rallies. This was the Trumpiest by a mile. It was his first in a while and the jubilant crowd was treated to the full, feral attention addict, unencumbered by any quaint concern for rectitude or restraint. Trump unleashed his raw, unfiltered id, lashing out at “Crooked Joe Biden,” transgenders, migrants, Somalis, Democrats, the “fake news” media and a host of other “sick, terrible people” out to destroy America.

He played the hits, from the golden oldie “War on Christmas” (he won) to the bold and moldy Big Lie about winning the 2020 election (he didn’t). The app I use to record and transcribe interviews and events generates its own summarized headlines. After Trump’s 1 hour-and-36-minute oratorial assault, the app spit out: “Decoding the Enigmatic Utterances: A Perplexing Narrative.”

I’m not making that up.

Between enigmatic utterances, Trump occasionally riffed on the sinking economy and soaring inflation, ostensibly the focus of the event. It was an all-hands-on-deck affair, a team effort to bail out Trump’s underwater approval rating ahead of next year’s midterms.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, Energy Secretary Chris Wright and chief White House Spokesliar Karoline Leavitt were there, along with U.S. Rep. Dan Meuser, R-9, Jackson Twp.; U.S. Rep. Rob Bresnahan, R-8, Dallas; and U.S. Rep. Ryan Mackenzie, R-7, Lehigh.

The presence of top cabinet officials at a rally in a casino ballroom in Monroe County is empirical evidence that Team Trump is desperate for Republican wins in next year’s midterms. Meuser is a virtual lock to hang onto his seat, but Bresnahan and Mackenzie — who voted for cuts bound to hurt the MAGA base — are vulnerable.

Trump’s supporting cast united in delivering the carefully crafted narrative: Inflation is all “Sleepy Joe’s” fault. Prices are coming down, no matter what you’re paying for groceries and gas. When Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill” takes effect next year, you’ll all be part of a “Blue-Collar Boom!”

Then Trump — who promised to “Make America Affordable Again” on “Day One” — used Day 323 of his second failed presidency to mock affordability as a “hoax.”

The trick to covering a Trump rally is not getting bogged down in details. They don’t matter to him or his doting supporters. “The Great Pretender” is the most honest song on his pre-speech playlist.

I could fill this edition debunking a fraction of the preposterous lies Trump uttered in scattershot streams of consciousness, but unlike the star, I’m able to stay on message. The rally was purportedly about the economy and affordability.

The few fragments of Trump’s speech that actually addressed affordability were pinned to Jan. 1, when all the alleged benefits of his “One Big Beautiful Bill” will kick in and kickstart a “golden age” of prosperity for those of us willing to work and wait while our wallets wither.

Said benefits include “no taxes on tips, overtime and Social Security.” One of the few truly moving moments of the night was delivered by Donna Zajack, a single mother and waitress who said the “no tax on tips” provision will enable her to contribute to her daughter’s lifelong dream of becoming a veterinarian.

It’s an inspiring story and I wish Donna and her daughter the best, but the fine print behind the slogan doesn’t add up. While tax deductions for tips and overtime will undoubtedly benefit qualified workers, deep cuts to health insurance and nutrition subsidies and other safety net programs will undoubtedly wipe out those gains for many.

At best, “no tax on tips” is a roll of the dice, a bet that the benefits will pay out despite the cuts. The same is true for tax breaks on overtime and Social Security. The details say the odds are stacked against Americans who need help most, like, say, farmers on the brink of bankruptcy.

Trump got raucous applause when he bragged about a $12 billion rescue package for struggling farmers. It seemed lost on the crowd that farmers are struggling because Trump’s disastrous tariffs annihilated their markets.

It’s a classic Trump shell game: create a crisis and take credit for “fixing” it. He’s an arsonist paying fire insurance claims with other people’s money.

And he’s still just as dumb and delusional about how tariffs actually work.

“My favorite word is tariff,” he said. “It’s amazing. The smart people understand it. Other people are starting to learn, but the smart people really understand it.”

Yes, we do. We learned in sixth-grade Social Studies that American businesses and customers pay the cost of tariffs, not countries sending their goods here. It’s why “two or three dolls” now cost the same as 37.

Some questioned the setting of the rally, considering Trump’s record of bankrupting casinos and that Mount Airy is owned by the DeNaples family. Louis was in the house Tuesday.

I found the location utterly fitting. Casinos sell patrons on the promise of jackpots as long as they keep playing. Each loss brings you a step closer to the big win. Don’t quit a few spins before the payday you deserve! That would make you a sucker!

Trumpism is the same long con with a nasty kicker: If you don’t win, the game was rigged to benefit “sick, terrible people” who don’t belong here and don’t deserve a place at the table.

Most of the casino employees I interacted with at the rally were people of color, many with heavy accents. Imagine cleaning bathrooms and emptying trash cans while hearing thousands of struggling people cheer on a billionaire who calls struggling people like you “garbage.”

Now imagine waiting for hours in bitter cold to hear “The Great Pretender” mock your struggles to pay for basic necessities he promised to make more affordable but instead made more expensive. Imagine cheering him on as he spews “alternative facts,” empty promises and outright lies and then sticks you with the tab.

That’s what it’s like to attend a Trump rally.

CHRIS KELLY, the Times-Tribune columnist, is still waiting for his “DOGE dividend” check. Contact the writer: ckelly@scrantontimes.com; @cjkink on X; Chris Kelly, The Times-Tribune on Facebook; and @chriskellyink on Blue Sky Social.