Over the weekend, I received a call that none of us ever wants to get. A longtime friend had been rushed to the hospital, and his husband of many years was on the other end of the phone, clearly shaken. The prognosis, he said, was not hopeful. I told him I would meet him there.
We all know this moment is part of life. Still, knowing that doesn’t prepare us for it. It never does.
On my way to the hospital, my thoughts turned to our friendship, to the kind of person he is, and to the joy and history we have shared over the years. I tried to hold onto those moments.
But once I arrived, the focus shifted. As doctors, nurses and social workers moved in and out of the room caring not only for my friend but also for his husband, a different conversation emerged. One that many of us in our community have faced, or will face.
He began talking about their assets and legal standing after more than 50 years together. Based on what he shared, I believed he was in relatively good shape. Still, it made me wonder how many people truly understand the laws that govern medical decision-making and financial security when a loved one is suddenly in jeopardy.
If you are married, you generally have clear authority to make medical decisions, unless your partner has legally stated otherwise. If you are not married and do not have written authorization, those decisions may fall to family members, regardless of the life you have built together. This is one of the many reasons marriage matters.
Once medical decisions are addressed, financial realities follow. Every adult, regardless of age, should have a will. We often think this is something only older people need, but life has a way of reminding us otherwise. Marriage again provides important legal protections, but planning remains essential.
For many in our community, marriage was not always an option. We fought hard to make it one. Those rights were not handed to us; they were earned through decades of struggle and sacrifice.
The lesson from that hospital room is a simple but urgent one: love alone is not enough. Protect the people you love. Use the legal tools now available to us. Don’t wait until a moment of crisis to discover what you should have done sooner.
Because when that call comes, and someday it will, the last thing you want to be fighting is the law.
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