Gaughan, Welby and Chermak prove ‘Three’s a Crowd’

Even those too young to remember when programming was monopolized by three major corporate networks are at least vaguely aware that “Three’s Company” was among the most popular sitcoms in TV history.

Most who remember the weekly hijinks of Jack, Janet and Chrissy have probably forgotten the hit show’s short-lived spinoff, “Three’s a Crowd.”

The premise of “Three’s Company” — a straight guy pretends to be gay so a suspicious landlord will let him live with a pair of young, single women — would not fly today. The premise of “Three’s a Crowd” — the straight guy gets married and is stuck with a suspicious landlord who is also his father-in-law — is lame no matter the cultural moment.

I never cared for either show, but I was reminded of both watching Monday’s reorganization meeting of the Lackawanna County Board of Commissioners through the miracle of YouTube.

Former Democratic Majority Commissioner Chairman Bill Gaughan respected the will of voters and nominated freshly elected Democratic Commissioner Thom Welby to serve as chairman. Welby then dismissed the will of voters and nominated MAGA Republican minority Commissioner Chris Chermak to serve as vice chairman.

Welby and Chermak voted to certify a “MAGAcrat” majority and realize the county Democratic Party Machine’s goal of sidelining Gaughan for the cardinal sin of prioritizing responsible governance over preservation of party power.

Anyone surprised by this “plot twist” hasn’t been paying attention. This script is a sloppy rewrite of a Machine scam rejected by the courts and settled by voters in November.

Gaughan clearly practiced his lines, delivering a salty rebuttal that included a word you still can’t say on network television.

“Today’s vote did not reflect the will of the electorate,” Gaughan said. “It reflected a failure of nerve on the part of Thom Welby. And here is the truth that will outlast this meeting: You didn’t build unity today. You built a bridge for MAGA to walk into leadership over the backs of the voters who sent Democrats here to stop them. Majorities are not lost at the ballot box, they are surrendered by those too timid to use them.”

Quibble with Gaughan’s personal shot at Welby if you like, but the rest of what he said is objectively true. In 2023, voters overwhelmingly elected Gaughan and since-departed Commissioner Matt McGloin to put a Democratic majority in charge. They voted for Welby to join Gaughan in a Democratic majority in the November special election, which was also a referendum on Trump and MAGA Republicans. Trumpism lost. Bigly.

Welby’s defense of elevating Chermak should have had a laugh track. The new chairman characterized Gaughan’s endorsement of independent candidate Michael Cappellini in the special election as “turning his back” on the Democratic candidate (Welby).

“Now all of the sudden he wants the support of the Democrats, which I am by party registration,” Welby said.  (Seems reasonable for voters to ask Welby whether he is an actual Democrat, or just registered that way.)

What Welby said about Gaughan’s opposition to his Democratic candidacy is objectively true, but also dishonest. Cappellini is a Democrat who ran as an independent against the Democratic Party Machine. The Machine settled on Welby as its candidate after its clumsy crusade to install its choice to replace McGloin and keep voters out of the process failed in the courts. Cappellini finished third, behind Welby and Republican candidate Chet Merli.

But let’s not get hung up on “poisonous” partisan politics, Welby pleaded Monday.

“I don’t want to see in this room, if I were to have my way, the bringing of politics and party into this,” he said. “I hope at this table up here it won’t exist, and I hope that the people who walk through that door and come into this room will leave their party and partisan politics at the door. … We’re not working for Republicans. We’re not working for Democrats. We’re working as a democracy, working together.”

This is like the top fish in the tank declaring, “This is not about water! We must swim together, not fight over who controls the faucet!”

Chermak also called on the board to take the politics out of politics in his signature “Can’t we all just get along?” style.

“This job is not about politics,” the vice chairman said. “It’s about doing what’s right for this county and doing what’s right for everyone that lives in this county.”

Said the minority MAGA Republican commissioner who went along to get along while a previous Democratic Party Machine majority ignored the creeping deficit that made a 33% property tax increase urgently necessary when Gaughan was sworn in.

The minority Democratic commissioner didn’t seem sold on the “Three’s Company” schtick the chairman and vice chairman were promoting.

“With all due respect to both of them, they’re both full of (expletive), and that’s the bottom line,” he said. “They are both full of (expletive), and Commissioner Welby just elevated a MAGA Republican into a leadership role in Lackawanna County, and that’s the bottom line.”

Here’s another: The Machine-ordered snub of Gaughan might prove to be the most egregious unforced error of the year. Relegating him to minority status freed Gaughan to start campaigning for reelection in 2027 right now as a more experienced, underdog incarnation of the mouthy firebrand who used his seat on Scranton City Council to hound then-mayor and ultimately convicted felon Bill Courtright.

Gaughan has a gift for antagonizing suspicious landlords. Count on it being a major storyline on this season of “Three’s a Crowd.”

CHRIS KELLY, the Times-Tribune columnist, watched too much TV as a kid. Contact the writer: ckelly@scrantontimes.com; @cjkink on X; Chris Kelly, The Times-Tribune on Facebook; and @chriskellyink on Blue Sky Social.