I want them to never lose that bounce.<\/p>\n
When the predator is a classmate\u00a0<\/p>\n
I was 14 years old (and still undiagnosed) when I was sexually assaulted by a classmate from my suburban middle school west of Pittsburgh. At that point, I had only a vague notion of \u201cpredators\u201d as shadowy figures creeping in dark alleyways who I \u201clearned\u201d to defend myself against in middle school gym classes.<\/p>\n
At some point during the school year, my class was split up by gender. The girls received lessons in self-defense while the boys lifted weights.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Thinking about that time in the midst of current events<\/a>, it seems absurd. Why is it that while adolescent girls were being taught how not to get raped in a middle school wrestling room, the boys weren\u2019t being taught not to rape? Is it because the gym teachers, too, knew only about the faceless alleyway predators?<\/p>\n When I was sexually assaulted by a classmate, someone I had known since first grade (I stole a gummy candy from his desk once), I didn\u2019t know I could be victimized by someone known to me. I didn\u2019t know how to navigate the social dynamics of the situation, let alone the sexual ones.<\/p>\n I said \u201cno\u201d and \u201cno\u201d and \u201cno,\u201d but I didn\u2019t understand what was happening. I had barely even kissed a boy. I didn\u2019t think I was supposed to use the gym class self-defense moves on someone I knew.<\/p>\n I never reported it. I had very strict, over-protective parents, and I assumed I was at fault. I didn\u2019t tell anyone at all \u2014 not for a long time. I didn\u2019t understand what had happened because I didn\u2019t know it was something that could happen.\u00a0<\/p>\n Eventually, the boy who assaulted me developed a reputation for doing it to other girls. One of them reported it to the police (it made the local news), and my boyfriend at the time encouraged me to come forward, too.\u00a0<\/p>\n We visited the police station together, and I recounted what had happened to me. They asked me if I wanted to press charges, and I declined and said that I was hoping it could help them with their existing case. It turned out, that\u2019s not how it works. Accountability is available strictly on a case-by-case basis.<\/p>\n Teaching \u2018no\u2019 when the target is toys<\/p>\n Anytime rape or sexual assault is in the news, I can\u2019t look away. The commentary, perceptions and assumptions voiced by strangers on the internet about the Cornell 7 horrify and fascinate in equal measure.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t seek it out. I\u2019m not sure why I\u2019m seeing it. I assume everyone is seeing and talking about it, but maybe it\u2019s just my algorithms. They seem to know I\u2019m a woman and a millennial and a mom. Maybe they also know it happened to me, too.<\/p>\n It\u2019s hard for this not to color how I\u2019m viewing the world right now. I\u2019m seeing the problems and possibilities and thinking about how we got here and how my daughters\u2019 generation can hopefully get somewhere else.\u00a0<\/p>\n Sure, I didn\u2019t know about consent as a teenager, but MeToo has happened; I thought the younger generations would be better off.\u00a0<\/p>\n In the midst of this, my twins were recently playing with some new kids from school. My husband overheard them saying \u201cno\u201d repeatedly, like another child was doing something they didn\u2019t like and wouldn\u2019t stop.<\/p>\n He stepped in and saw an older child, a boy. He had three younger girls, including my daughters, backed against a wall. He was standing over them, trying to grab their toys while they said \u201cno\u201d and tried to keep them away from him.<\/p>\n When my kids ignore each other\u2019s no\u2019s, we\u2019re always quick to cut in with: \u201cStop. Listen to her \u2018no.\u2019 You don\u2019t have her consent to continue.\u201d But you can\u2019t discipline someone else\u2019s kid like that. You can\u2019t assume their parents talk about consent.<\/p>\n Thankfully, all it took was an adult presence to stop this behavior. I couldn\u2019t help but wonder, though, what these kids will need to learn in the next seven years, when it might not be their toys, but their bodies, that the boys desire and the girls want to keep from them. When an adult might not be there to step in.<\/p>\n What do my daughters need to know to be safe around alleyway strangers and classmates alike?<\/p>\n What do their male peers need to learn? Who will teach them how to hear \u201cno?\u201d How will they know what it means?<\/p>\n Should I fear my daughters\u2019 fearlessness?<\/p>\n After that recent interaction, I debriefed with my daughters, as well as one can debrief with first-graders.<\/p>\n I asked them about what happened, and they confirmed the order of events. I asked them how it made them feel, and they said \u201cmad.\u201d \u201cNot scared?\u201d I asked. \u201cNo, angry,\u201d they said in unison. I\u2019ve worked so hard to ensure they feel safe, yet I think it would have made me feel better to hear that they were even a little scared.<\/p>\n I\u2019m glad my daughters feel safe enough to bounce, and I\u2019m also worried about what that means for their safety. Is it possible to feel too safe? When do I start talking to them about danger? How do I break it to them that people they know and trust can hurt them? Will they know if that\u2019s happening to them? Will they be able to stop it?<\/p>\n![\"A](\"https:\/\/www.publicsource.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/20251112-Shannon-Paris-neurodivergent-millenials-02.jpg\")
Shannon Parris on the University of Pittsburgh campus where she studied as an undergraduate, on Nov. 12, in Oakland. (Photo by Stephanie Strasburg\/Pittsburgh\u2019s Public Source)<\/p>\n![\"Woman](\"https:\/\/www.publicsource.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/Shannon-1.jpg\")
Shannon Parris in her home office on July 10, in Ross Township. (Photo by Caleb Kaufman\/Pittsburgh’s Public Source)<\/p>\n![\"A](\"https:\/\/www.publicsource.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/20251112-Shannon-Paris-neurodivergent-millenials-03.jpg\")
Shannon Parris looks through a window on the campus of the University of Pittsburgh on Nov. 12, in Oakland. (Photo by Stephanie Strasburg\/Pittsburgh\u2019s Public Source)<\/p>\n