Living in Lubbock means you technically only have one personality, but certain places around town magically unlock completely different versions of you. You don’t even mean to change. It just happens. One minute you’re a normal adult with a job and a grocery list, and the next minute you’re a feral little gremlin making deeply questionable choices.

These are the places to do just that.

TargetPhoto by Shabaz Usmani on Unsplash

Target is a great place to tap into one of your most delusional personalities. Sure, you only needed paper towels, but then, you saw the throw pillows and are not convinced you are about to start a new life that involves such things. Throw a Stanley Cup in and a $48 candle for good measure. Surely this is all that was separating you from the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Every trip to Target is one step closer to God.

United Supermarkets

United Supermarkets turns you into someone who believes they deserve little treats for surviving the day. You didn’t go in for donuts, but you DID make it through all the cruddy drivers on the Loop to get there, so obviously you need one. Or fifteen. United you is gentle, fragile, and easily influenced by baked goods.

WalmartPhoto by KDavid Montero on Unsplash

Walmart turns you into a defensive and sometimes rather unhinged version of yourself. You walk in calm and leave with your jaw clenched, gripping your cart like it’s a weapon. You’re suddenly deeply aware of everyone else’s existence, and you hate it. Walmart Lubbock is where manners go to die, and honestly, I’m kind of into it. I’m one of those wears-jammies-everywhere-who-cares people. Sue me.

WhataburgerPhoto by Tendaishe Gwini on Unsplash

The Lubbock Whataburger drive-thru experience turns you into someone who will absolutely eat in silence in their car like a raccoon. You don’t want to go home yet. You want to sit there, unbuckled, emotionally decompressing while you cram fries and stare off into the void. Don’t forget to check for BBQ sauce drips on your shirt and toss the trash in the passenger seat of your car before you try to tell the kids they are having ramen for dinner. Your dirty secret is safe with me.

Read More: Reliable Restaurants In Lubbock For Every Occasion

Gas StationsPhoto by Hans Eiskonen on Unsplash

Gas stations unlock your most disturbing and glutinous goblin form. You’re not even hungry, but suddenly you’re buying snacks like you’re about to survive a natural disaster. Beef jerky, a fountain drink, a candy bar, and some weird baked goods that marked down to 2 for $5 for reasons you’ll find out at home…in the bathroom.

Your CarPhoto by Lewis Guapo on Unsplash

And your car itself? That’s where you become the most honest version of you. You cry there. You sing there. You argue with imaginary people there. You practice all of the comebacks you never used on your bullies. It can’t be just me…

Your Lubbock car has seen some wild stuff. Thank God mine bit the dust before it ever got the chance to tell my secrets. (I have an alibi.)

This town doesn’t just give you places to go. It gives you places to emotionally unravel, reinvent yourself, and then go right back to being fine in public.

Which, honestly, feels very on brand.

And, as always, keep scrolling for more silly Lubbock fun in the galleries below…

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Lubbock Tailgate Party

If you want to get into heaven, you have to follow this tailgating code in Lubbock. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules, but your salvation depends on them.

Gallery Credit: Chrissy

10 Lubbock Items Most Likely To End Up in The Smithsonian in 2125

Some may think I’m joking, and that’s because I am…

Gallery Credit: Chrissy