There once was performative schmuck named Paxton... There once was performative schmuck named Paxton… Credit: Wikimedia Commons / Gage Skidmore

Once again, the Current is presenting a review of the week’s news in limericks.

That’s right, we distilled seven days of White House psychopathy, State Capitol sleaze and San Antonio City Hall shenanigans into a form of rhyming verse that originated in 18th century England.

Why? Because haikus are fucking boring. We need no other reason.

Texas AG Ken Paxton sues Snapchat, accusing it of inappropriate content and addictiveness

There once was a sleazeball named Ken 
Who worried John Cornyn might win 
Filed case after case 
All through the race
Hoping GOP voters might grin

Analysis: Judge Peter Sakai’s sudden change of heart on Project Marvel marks wild campaign turn

There once was a judge named Sakai
Who’s U-turn cocked many an eye
Backed Project Marvel last fall
Now won’t touch it at all
Next he’ll give another position a try

San Antonio mayor asks congressional delegation to block funds for proposed ICE center

There once was a dickhead named Don
Who spurred his ICE agents on 
In a warehouse on 410
They’d cage migrants in
But our city won’t get played like a pawn

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Sanford Nowlin is editor-in-chief of the San Antonio Current. He holds degrees from Trinity University and the University of Texas at San Antonio, and his work has been featured in Salon, Alternet, Creative…
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